How far are you willing to go?
Would you let the sharp shard of satisfaction
Cut you where it matters?
Would you let yourself bleed colors on the floor?
How far would you let your glass heart
Crack again?

Today, I was going to call you
I thought about it all day
I practiced what I would say to you
"hey, hows it going?"
"hi, how are you?"
"you doing okay?"
but none of these questions were about me
I didn't rehearse lines such as
"oh yeah I went to a concert yesterday" or
"been working a lot" or
"I hate you".

Today, I was going to call you
because even though I wouldn't admit it,
I was scared of your anger for not having
jumped as your lap dog after 2 days
1 day
a few hours
I know how you feel about me
I know what you say about me
So today, I was going to call you
but no matter how many times I say
"how high?"
when you ask me to jump
you'll always tell everyone
I'm a terrible kid.

so I'm not ******* calling you today.

I could draw the shape of your eyes over and over inside my head
The smooth curves of your lips
There's a softness that welcomes my long days.
I am willingly chained to your unblemished heart
My song, my sun, my God.

Blue fish, please help my heart
Its drowning in my stomach
Broken down by acid and disease
Churning to force the rose petals that come out of my mouth
There's not enough for us but
For him, seep out of his pristine white box
In excess.

Blue fish, your colors are soft to my aching eyes
Swim and take me with you
I'm restless,
The water will be warmer
Where you go, there's nothing to lose
But the scales from your thin fins.

Blue fish, I hope to become you
When it's time to swim away.

Relinquish and release their heart beats from my back.

Some days I feel as if I don't know myself, not one bit,
Because I don't know you.
I don't know what you were like when you were weak.
I don't know what you were like when you were wrong.
I'm trying to grasp onto a fragrance of you,
of me.
I cant find you anymore, or hear your faint voice
or feel the prickliness of your unshaved thighs on my cheek.
All I have now are cut strings that traced back to you before your eyes went blank.

A strange man answered your phone and told me to go home.

The world today
Stopped in mid-spin
Fed up with the shape
That man's put her in

Gone on too long
With his selfishness
Putting a stop to it all
The world thinks is best

From the building up
To the tearing down
The ever persistent
Obnoxious sounds

With no peace at all
In cities or towns
Over hill over dale
In leaps and bounds

From the arguments
That always ensue
The world's had enough
Of me and you

The blue of the streams
Now brown and green
When the world tries to breathe
It comes out a sneeze

Which creates havoc
Throughout the land
From earthquakes to tornadoes
North, South, East, and West

That's why the world today
Stopped in mid-spin
Putting all of this nonsense
To a bitter end

Now all the world does
Is float out in space
Peaceful and relaxing
Without the human race

I really hate that everyone looks like pieces of you.  
Skinny hands, ***** fingernails, thinning hair and yellow skin.
Stomach acid bubbles up and the bitter taste of your lying words surfaces on my tongue.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand tall when the stench of your black stain, lingers, unwashable, even when I bleach myself to death to rid myself of your impurities, you goblin.
You have given me no satisfaction, let me live loosely,
I would crawl a mile to you, knees bleeding, pleading you to release me,
Remove the destructive fear of looking any man in the eye anymore.
You don't exist but in a stale memory of a time I wanted to go back to someday.

But not today.