Somewhere there’s a boy wishing on dead stars and lost dreams and he knows this but he keeps doing it anyway. Somewhere there’s a girl sitting by the ocean, tears in her eyes, waiting for him to finally find the note she left under the promise ring he gave her two months ago, and come save her. She’ll eventually let the tides take her and she’ll become a part of the ocean, lost in between continents, while he is somewhere up in the sky, lost in between the stars that no longer shine, wondering if she might accept the expensive diamond ring in a velvet box he worked his whole life to afford.

He said I love you, but you can't be my girl.
He said I was too valuable like a vintage car you keep in your garage and don't drive. But he said I was so beautiful he needed me in his life.

He said I was gorgeous, but he couldn't take me with him. He said I was so valuable that I was almost too fragile, and if he slipped his fingers off of me I might fall and shatter like fine glass.

He said I was brilliant, but I should lay back and relax. Let him take charge and take care of me. The best gift I could give him is my heart and he doesn't need my money.

A perfect image. Too perfect to be real. The truth was right in front of me if I would have just picked away the layers of lies. He had a woman and he only just wanted something pretty on the side. He wanted me to lean on him so I felt unable to leave.

I wish there was somewhere I could go
To be alone with the universe
To feel the stardust coursing through my veins
Lie down in my own corner of the earth
Soak into every blade of grass, emerald and jade
Generations brushed against my skin
Paint my eyes every color of the sky
Vermillion and gold and endless blue
Settle in to rest when the glory of day gives way to dusk
Pull up the cover of night around my shoulders
Quilted in black and pale moon glow
Dripped in crystal constellations
Galaxies between my fingertips
Gentle peace of eternity stretched before me
Fill my dreams with worlds unknown
Carry me away somewhere void and vast
Leave me with the stars and never look back

I have a permanent ache in my chest- and every time he talks to me it gets worse and worse. It's becoming more difficult to ignore. I used to be able to push it out of my thoughts and pretend I was okay but I don’t know how to do that any more. It’s like this emptiness is taking over every thought I have. I'm scared if I don’t get rid of him it will swallow me whole but at the same time I’m terrified that it will engulf me in darkness permanently if he’s gone.

It’s like he’s become both the life preserver and the tidal wave. Talking to him drags me to the bottom of the ocean and drowns me but at the same time somehow pulls me to the surface and pushes the oxygen back into my lungs.

I don’t know how to live with or without him.