feelings that wouldn't leave
trapping me
destroying my last shred
of sanity

people leaving
constantly going
without me

all of this misery

sadness burning in my stomach like wine

couldn't release my grip
couldn't let go
even though my hands are bleeding
i hold on even more

i'm tired of the chains around my feet
fingers tightly wrapped around my neck

i need freedom,
escape,
to breathe,

i need you here with me.

if you are ever at a bus
stop then take a good look at the person not standing near
everyone and know that this person is a
writer. know that their hands are in
pain and know that they have cried themselves
dry in front of darkened
mirrors because they can’t stand the sight of
themselves. know that the night into which their lover
fled is that which owns their
soul. they know much more than
you yet they would give anything
not to understand. they’re wearing long sleeves for a
reason and they are taking the
bus only because they know that their life has no
purpose, no more than that of an abandoned
cigarette. know that these people with the very melancholy
eyes and the pigeon-toed
feet are writers and that they will love
you even when they can’t
love themselves.

i feel things intensely
and that's why i run away
that's why i tend to disappear

i'm afraid of how much i can feel
it's a little overwhelming
and a lot scary

especially when you're unsure
of how the other person even feels
while you are already drowning

i guess this is my story
because it has been happening
over and over again to me

i fall in love and trip over myself
only to realize no one is on the other side
to even catch me

all illusions
all dreams

but maybe one day someone will be there
maybe one day it will all be real
and i won't be tripping over nothing
and i won't have a reason to fear.

it doesn't make sense for me to feel this way
because you're not even mine
but i still can't help feeling the way that i do
like i'm drowning and the water is digging into my lungs like a knife
i'm tired of the way my heart wants something that it can't have
making me feel sad at night over things within my grasp
but can't really hold with my hands

sometimes i feel like going back in time
to try to tell myself things that i didn't know then
to try to save myself from the ache that made my heart bend

he didn't love you for your soul
he didn't love you at all

he's not going to stay
don't hold out that hope

please let him go
please let him go
please let him go

because i'm still trying to say these things to myself today
and i don't know for how long i'm going to have to
until i begin to realize it was all just a mistake
and i've confused another stranger with a soulmate.

why is my heart so full?
why are my affections so heavy?

sometimes i feel
like i have been cursed with a heart
that feels too much
too quickly
too soon

falling in love
is all i know how to do
falling apart
is a close second

(but i guess the latter
just normally happens
as soon as the former does)