My heart is an animal
Stuck in its rib cage
Thrashing at the bars
Till i break a bone
My insides come out
As they penetrate the skin
This hatred and rage
Has left me cracked and alone  

My brain is a time bomb connected to my heart                                
Barbed wires like life lines
Keep me from falling apart        
Everything left of me, all i ever knew
Nothing but a memory since the time bomb blew

Upon my fingertips I have counted
the number of times my heart has been broken.
The number of times I have said no more.
The number of times I have said once more.

You, my middle school love,
our lips may have never meet but
our 13 year old hearts collided
like high speed cars crashing
somewhere between lunch time hand holding
and secret under table notes meant only for our eyes.
Three days after eighth grade graduation
I could still feel the warmth of you lips upon my check.
That summer when we said goodbye
I understood the law of gravity for the first time.

Now to my freshman crush.
The one that all the boys chased,
the one who I thought I could court.
We shared late night conversations,
giving each other secrets that we only told the dark.
I like a fool forget the law of gravity and jump once more.
You though taught me that sometimes
love is not always cupid’s arrow.
Sometimes love is not always handholding and lip kissing.
Sometimes love is simply secret sharing
and late night conversations.
Sometimes love is just a shoulder to cry on,
when love doesn't work out with someone else.
I am sorry that I had to walk away before I learnt this.

Finally I come to you,
you my high school sweetheart.
The one who was suppose to heal my brokenness
and show me why middle school love,
and freshman crush never worked out.
I lost in darkness forgot that you were not
the light to illuminate my path but you were just a girl.
A girl who fell in love with the broken boy,
who fell in love with the idea of love.
The only way the story of a girl who fell to hard
and a broken boy can end is with a tear.
I am sorry I could not love you the way
you needed to be loved, like how I needed to be loved.

Now it is senior year and these hallway
are filled with ghost that use to hold my hand.
Middle school love is now just a stranger
who I once shared a bus seat with.
Freshman crush now only exist in
long forgotten Facebook messages
and stray glance in the hallways but
not longer do we share secrets.
The girl who fell to hard no longer
looks up when pass in the hallways.
The memories that we shared have faded

And I, I say no more.
No more hearts shall I break
No more heartaches shall I feel.
No more I will say and say again
until I say once more once again.

I may be awake but my mind is asleep.
I've been in pause since my heart shut down.

I'm drowning in a max overload of your memories.

I need to snap out of it.
I deserve better.

I wanna feel wanted
I'm too use to being used to even know what's real.

Is there somebody out there who will?