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Someone take my mind away from me,

                                    its driving me INSANE.
I am going insane.
Oh wait, I already am.
I see the demons already,
I see the floods.
At least I don't see,
crimson blood.
 Jan 2016 Merccybennz
NitaAnn
I am a captive
Bound by the past
Unable to move forward
Constant struggle
Reality distorted
Forever marred by his love

Maybe I do not deserve better
I deserve the restraints
The beatings are mine
Cherish them
Embrace the hurt
I'm just here waiting for you to come back
But I'm tired
Tired because I know that even in my highest hallucination
Even in my wildest dreams
You will never come back.
But I catch myself
Dreaming that you will come back
Deliriously hoping that you will be here with me
That we will be on the same wavelength
Thinking the same things but I know
I know I'm lying to myself
I'm just delirious
I know she's beautiful you don't have to keep telling me, but why are you telling me Im your girlfriend. You don't understand how that makes me feel its jealousy and hatred for myself mixed. I hate myself Im sorry I cant be more like her. No matter how much I try her memory will always be in the back of your mind. Your never going to forget are you? Im trying to mend your broken heart but you wont allow me to help you. I want you to just focus on me, but you cant forget her. When you say you love me do u mean it? If your just going to play games please exit out of my life you don't understand how I feel your always trying to make me mad and say its hot but its annoying and i will end up leaving.............Please just love me like your supposed to
My body is shaking
Words are spinning
Its all in my head
That's what they say
I can be an actor
I can play the part
The part of a girl who doesn't battle Depression
Of the girl who doesn't hate herself and her body
I can play the part well.

I mean no one notices me when I smile all pretty
I can play the part
Of a girl who has no mental illness
Who is not scared that one day she will break
And no one can fix her
Yet everyone looks at me
Like I am a painting on display.
I am covered in figurative blood
My mind made it appear
Its all over the walls

I can play the part of a innocent little girl,
Well I already do.
But all you see is my anger
I cover up my broken prices.
I swept them under the rug...
Do you think they can still exist?
Well of course they do.
Why did I ask that stupid question..
I ask a lot of stupid questions.

But the dumbest question ever asked is
Are you okay?
I want to say I'm not
But instead say
Everything is fine and dandy
But I'm gripped by fear..
I am afraid of everything
I am mostly scared of breaking
I mean the cracks are getting bigger
You will be fine
The voice in my head says
It talks like I am a piece of meat waiting to be inspected.

I have mental illnesses that cause me to be wacky.
I have bad feelings.
They make me want to cause destruction.
I do, cause destruction
I make cuts on my arms
And cuts on my legs
And cuts on my stomach to.
But the cuts on my heart are the ones that people cant see
They are the ones that hurt the most.
In fact they make me who I am

Mental Illnesses are nothing to laugh about
You don't know what they went through
It makes me crazy thinking the possibilities of being sent to a mental hospital
But yet it makes me smile
I could be free
Free of the chains that hold me down
I am already crazy
The hospital can't change that
They can only lessen it.
So yes
A mental Illness
Isn't fun but they push through and fight against it.
They are the winners
The ones who beat a mental illness
They have won there battle in life.
I am just beginning mine.
Welcome to the island of misfit toys
A place for unwanted girls and boys
A place where everyone cares, and no one is rejected
A beautiful place where no flaw is corrected
A place for the beaten, scolded, and abused
A place of forgiveness for those wrongly accused
A magical place where you don't have to run
A magical place with no ropes and no guns
So welcome to the island of misfit toys
A place for unwanted girls and boys
 Nov 2015 Merccybennz
jxicyfoxx
Wednesday began to tear me apart.
Thursday didn’t want me.
Friday, you broke my heart.
Saturday surely hated me.

If the week could break a heart.
Then a day ripped mine apart.
Like some sort of organized crime,
I was betrayed by time.

So, I left time for the sky
The clouds, they held me so tight.
I fell in love with the way each star shined,
But only because they reminded me of your eyes.

And every night,
The wind would whisper your name softly in my ear,
And sing to me quietly,
Wiping away my tears.

During the day,
I would lose my soul to the sea.
I only wanted to feel okay.
My intention was not to be a cheat.

I didn’t mean to tear you apart.
I thought you didn’t want me.
I was afraid you’d break my heart,
So, instead, I made you hate me.

Because, every time you told me you didn’t care
I felt lumps in my throat.
And when you weren’t there,
Only the ocean was there to keep me afloat.

Your eyes used to shine so bright,
Your soul was made up of all the sun’s light.
But your eyes don’t shine quite as bright,
Because that’s where you hide all of your lies.
mix of old and new
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