The dinner table is crowded.
There are bowls of gravy, potatoes and greens -
Plates of meat and stuffing...
Don’t worry it gets better.
Juice and cider instead of wine.
Clean crystal cups and thick napkins,
All trimmed in blue.
Surrounded by loud elephants
Dancing on the words we don’t say.
The elephants slip on peas,
And sip my drink.
My relatives give glances
Instead of embrace.
The conversation gets heavy
As our stomachs get full.
The dinner table is a stage
Instead of a refuge.
We all wear our masks and pretend we’re OK.
The actors are well paid in self-loathing,
And pain;
Solitude.
Relationships that don’t fit into pockets
Because our phones are too important.
We are broken and shattered,
Unwilling to be fixed.
The elephants dance in gravy,
And pretend it’s a bath.

When your tears fell,
I watched diamonds catch the light

I'm just listening to Counting Crows,
and I get this feeling,
That I am so close to understanding,
Something, myself? Something.
And it leads to this eerie feeling of contentedness,
In the darkness.
But I'm just a step behind,
And the more I think, the more...
I lose my way, The more I question,
instead of listen.
But it scares me to let such a moment pass,
without pursuing... it.
Whatever it is.
Poetry? I think not,
Just splutter along the road of my soul.
Sure to be meaningless in the end, but,
Looking at it now, looking back a bit...
Oh to be **** half in the past,
And nirvana just out there,
A bit further along the way.
Almost childly, I blindly,
Reach my hand out and up,
Hoping that I'll be able to grasp the Sun,
As if I won't get burnt,
That since it seems so close,
I just need to grasp,
and the world will be mine.
But some things are not for mortals.
And demons, like kids,
Must too, one day,
Wake up.

How easy we fall....
    Succumming to the lies that we tell ourselves.
        Walking with our heads held high....
             Only to step straight into the traps layed down by our enemies...
                    How easy it is to step back into our own traps....
                          Returning to the old habits of keeping everyone at bay....
                                 Watching as those take a leap of faith,
                                      Walking upon the waters....
                                          Running towards their carefully selected paths.
                                             How easy it is to give into the bubbling hatred
                                                 allowing it to escape through open                    
                                                    doorways....
                                                       Forgetting that words are like flaming
                                                          arrows that target the heart.
                                                            Before the shattered pieces can reach
                                                              the mind, the opinion is made.
                                                                 the emotion cannot be changed.

I wrote this for you a long time ago on a coffee stained napkin, after you left me, full of love, lingering in a cafe.

"For you, in all your follies and faults and the way they make you so perfect for me.
For you, in the moments that linger in the vehemently insignificant corners and corridors of things, as if drifted of their own grandure.
For you, for the words that spill to the floor and the brilliant way you understand the deafening silence that follows.
For you, for your supernovas and clever shades, for your daylight smiles and nighttime skins.
For you, for your familiarity and the impossible truths that stand as martyrs to say that I have loved you before.
For you, despite the treachery and quiet sinister fun of the world.
For you, for making me so terribly scared of dying."
Yet here I am, in your wake, so full of so many thoughts and demons. Know that I have died, that I have loved and lost with equal measure.

It's the girls who love the most who feel the least loved in this world

I've got a mess of a mind as of late
Thoughts so loud, that I can't concentrate
They're behind my eyes and beneath my skin
So many now, both are wearing thin
But you don't know, for I don't show
The thoughts racing around below
Of all the noise they always make
I'll keep quiet for sanity's sake
You don't see, that in the course of a day
The loudest thoughts are those I never say