Smile today, even though we don't know, what tomorrow will bring.

I feel the warmth of the sun and the smell of the breeze. I feel the cold water at my feet. I sense a stare from across the room and realize that nothings there. I smell the faint hint of his cologne during my intake of breath. I feel the warmth of his body laying snugly next to mine. I feel his breath on my skin as I keep count of his heartbeat, feeling utter bliss and love. I smell... I hear... I sense... I see... I feel... nothing-----the constant reassuring presence is no longer felt, the heat gone same as my true sight. I seemingly can no longer open my eyes to make sure my love is truly still there. I hear no breathing, no voice and no heartbeat. I no longer feel heat, just a chill radiating form my core. I try to wrap myself in my arms, but that and every other movement just makes me feel sore. I try to find my way back to the way it was before-but how could I when my senses are against me? I can no longer feel the presence of anyone-I must be alone. I guess I should stay laying here, cause that's what you're suppose to do when you're lost-right? So that people can track back to you. But what happens if I lost track of whenever it was that I lost myself? Is there any hope of on coming help? Will you be able to find me and bring me back to my old self....?

Hands shaking, chest tightening, stomach turning...
Eyes burning, tears flowing, heart stinging...
Lungs collapsing, nose leaking, core burning...
Purpose fading, body numbing, losing feeling...

Mind buzzing, hair pulling, world darkening...
E**ars ringing, silence keeping, slowly dying...

One can not find-a way to be stable-there's no between: feeling everything or absolutely nothing at all... Without my anchor I risk either crashing to shore and never again meet calm open water... Or drift far enough away from everything and everyone that I might as well have drowned...

As grim as it may not seem,
Can't you see,
That I'm happy as can be,
Smiling through my teeth...

Don't I look happy,
Going through the day,
Reading books that are sappy,
With a smile that always stays...

Can't you see; the strain,
My gritting teeth,
How my smile stays the same,
And how I stare at my feet...

I may seem as happy as can be,
And you may be fooled,
I guess the real me you don't really see,
If you only see my hiding tool...

To keep the questions away,
And the curious eyes off me,
To keep these suspicions at bay,
So they never truly see...

*...my broken mind that is lonely...

I'm a fish,
hooked to a bait,
I can't go else where,
for its too late,
I bit the hook,
and that's all it took,
for me to no longer be able to retake,
all the feelings that the thought of you makes...

As hard as I try,
I can't confide
in myself,
to think of better...
...happier
...less depressing things...
My mind is the opposite of a moth,
it flies away from the light,
...craving darkness, at the bottomless pit of the abyss that is my soul...