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I flowed into the dark blue ocean of symbols.
Just yesterday,
I walked with heavy footsteps,
well-grounded.

But once again,
an irresistible force lifted me.
I wanted to see what was above.

Then I came back,
changed,
less happy,
a part of me scattered
in that an alternative universe.

Now, worlds overlapping appear,
The sun is shining with different light.
Words change their meaning.
The fog thickens so,
I can no longer see fissures
under my feet.

Step by step, carefully,
I try to pass through
a dimension of forgotten dreaming.

I don’t want to be stuck
inside an illusion for too long.
Looking at my heart still glowing,
devoured by some voices,
bite by bite, crumb by crumb.

They come in need,
then dissolve like ghosts.

How can one love,
under the heavy weight of knowing—
with Lapis Lazuli pressed
against my chest?

I don’t want to vanish
into sticky spider webs
into formal language  
that is too cold,
too detached.

Two forces fight inside me
To see the truth, even if it hurts,
or to close my eyes,
and idealize brutal reality.

Looking in the distorted mirror,
observing love quivering on the verge.
And thus, the Earth becomes the theater.

The cynical facades ******
with pretended freedom,
taking every hour,
every month,
every year,

into

PROGRESSIVE
DE…HUMANIZATION
I’m sure all of HePo--and perhaps the greater ecosystem of the entire internet has felt a disturbance in ‘The Forced’alas this disconcerting  malaise is not without warrant. With everything going on in the world—it is hard to ignore the great global unsettling.

Let’s cut to what we know—the facts; the world is on fire, the sounds of sixteen hooves tearing us with fire into what may be the end times deafen our ears daily—dogs and cats living together!

THE ENEMY:

Yes! To the point! There have indeed been fewer badwords to hold your delicate collective psyche together with staples. This is true and I apologize! My life is taking me in a new direction and I am going to go with the flow instead of exhausting myself trying to tread water in place. I am pursuing an education in teaching English—to share the badwords across these thirsty worlds! I will also be traveling abroad in pursuit of this endeavor.

Unfortunately, I will be backing this investment with a large amount of the free time I can no longer contribute here.

I think you see where this is going…

I have a few more works that I have slated to be published here. However, I unfortunately won’t have the time to be as active as I would like. I am going to shift what energy I can contribute to continuing to support you lovely gluttons for punishment who have voluntarily subjected yourselves to badwords as well as champion HePo as a bastion of free speech, expression, acceptance and even sometimes healing.

The sun isn’t going down, it’s just an illusion caused by the world spinn’round...

I love this community and I look forward to bringing you the best badwords that you deserve!

To Everyone,
Kocham CięStay tuned!

badwords
Please excuse the sardonic self-aggrandization for  facetious effect!
Why do we dissect the stars
instead of letting them simply shine?
Why must every silence
be filled with a reason,
every feeling
pinned down and labeled,
like butterflies behind glass?

Why do we fear the unknown
more than we fear missing its beauty?
Why do we tug at mystery
like it owes us an answer?

Some things
are meant to be felt,
not solved.
A laugh that comes too fast.
A dream that makes no sense.
A person you just click with
no explanation,
just connection.

We weren’t built
to hold all the answers.
We were built
to stand in awe.
To wonder.
To feel.
To sit in the quiet
and let it speak without words.

Maybe the point
isn’t to understand everything,
but to trust
that not everything needs to be understood
to be real.

Some truths
don’t live in facts.
they live in the way your chest rises
at the sight of the ocean,
or how someone’s voice
can feel like home
even when it says nothing at all.

Let go of needing to know.
And you might finally see.
I keep saying it will be okay
cause you are everything I need these days

you say you're a disappointment
when I think you're a treasure

you say you can't handle everything
when I think you already do

you say you're not atlas…
when I think you’re my sky

I look at your face
you hit me with your eyes
and I understand that
it's hard to be

you ask for help
and I waited
for this moment
longer than I could remember
begging to help
someone
who wanted to dive
and drown
ending life

cause I believe
sometimes there are those beautiful things
down in the sea
coral they name
deep down you’ll see

and I believe
you can get lost in their beauty
but if you stay too long
you will drown
before you even feel you’ve gone down

and I believe
that admiring the beauty of the darkness isn't the fall
but touching is, when you lose it all

you say you're weak
when I think you're strong

you say you want love
a reaching hand
when I just hope
mine is enough

and I believe
oh I believe
that
I just need to try
even when
trying feels like drowning tho
Based on the song "You Say" by Lauren Daigle
I know this song is about reaching out to God.
But I just thought....
Sometimes,
we want a person to help us so badly, thinking that person will fix everything. But what if that person is just trying?
Just doing something in the hope it will fix, not knowing what’s right or wrong,
just… trying
you reached out
on january 7th in 2024,
and i haven’t stopped
loving you since.

in music,
in poems,
in every sleepy
“goodnight, i love you.”

you are the quiet
i want to come home to.
my comfort,
my constant,
my boy.
Hovering a black cloak
over you,
wearing a smile so
strained;—
That could make one
be lost
in the deep mist,
you wait in
silence.
In the depths
of your complex codes
lies the
unsolved mysteries and
the truths of
my past.
My worn eyes
can't reach you till
your name is recalled
from my lips stitched
together with
thick wires.
Will you
ever reveal
yourself?
Left in Confusion...
Most go through the motions daily
without thinking Sunday 8:30 AM
Walking the park with my dog
I noticed something that seemed off
The kind of thing you can’t put your finger on
It’s a feeling a thought something
that made me turn and look again

A White middle-aged man heavyset
Wearing a white ill fitted dress shirt,
a red tie  Solid black dress slacks
It’s Sunday OK I could believe that
He had the hand of a little girl five maybe six
She was dressed in really short Daisy Duke jeans
A white tank top with flowers
Her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail
Low at the base of her neck

Her head forward eyes fixed the ground
When somebody passes by I give the
Standard Greeting Hello good morning.
He replied good morning.

It’s what the child did behind her back.
That panicked me to the core
I needed to see it once more
She had left hand behind her back, her thumb in towards touching her palm
She was moving her little fingers in and out
Slow determination with urgency first,
I wasn’t sure what I saw

She looked over her shoulder
Then quickly , looked down at her hand,
Returning it behind her back and then
Glancing at him afraid he might see
head forward eyes to the ground
****** features emotionless frown
Not a word spoke, but you saw
something in her eyes  Fear
Almost a tear
The movements of the hand quicker
Fingers wider thicker
each time she looked behind at me
Attempting to get my to see
There was no interaction between
the adult male and the child except
for his controlling grip on her right hand

Next to the swings
There was this makeshift square blue tarps
Fashioned into an enclosure
He extended his hand and the hand of the little girl towards the enclosure.. A hand emerged from the within without the rest of the person being seen.
Again, her hand quickly extending and closing wildly gesturing now frantically apparent
The little girl disappeared in the enclosure

The man maintained distance waiting in silence
There were two young adult white, male and female, tattoos up and down their arms with them
Three children all boys, different ages I’m guessing
7,9,10  silent
They did not wiggle, or giggle .they did not do anything, but stand perfectly still.
Honestly I did not notice that at first.
My mind was fixated on the little girl

I approached them and said do you see that man and the little girl?  something seems off.
I explained to them about the distress hand signal
Taught to the children in schools in case they were ever abducted we’re in a situation they felt they could not speak and we’re not safe.

The young adult female unfazed said well he’s part of our church. Not They (the little girl) but He’s
I said something’s off. I hope I’m wrong
but there’s something wrong with this picture.
The the young adult woman offered no explanation or seemed concerned for the little girl’s safety .

The young adult man said nothing looked away avoiding eye contact
The three boys kept their heads
forward eyes downward
The park was empty
There was not a group of church people around
the park, it was this couple, the three boys and the man with a girl. All white.
I am not one who looks at color
however the police need
A full accurate description

I turned to the man standing there
waiting for the little girl and said
What church are you with?
He replied, LDS
I looked right in his eyes and said
that girl is in distress. There’s something wrong.. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t express concern.
. His mannerism was rigid.
My heart already pounding.

I wasn’t sure what to do.
I told him something‘s feels wrong
I offered him an opening to ease my suspicion
If everything was fine,
A normal response would’ve been
Him yelling, telling me off or
to mind my own business or
To reassure me, everything is fine Or
At least to ask me why I feel this way

Silence was not the correct response for the situation that I was escalating. I wasn’t yelling.
My voice was excited and loud I was shaking
This is where I made a mistake that could have caused those children their lives
I told him I’m going to make the call still nothing
I walked away and I was on the phone with 911

Looking right at the man
describing his features To 911 dispatch
I should not have alerted them that I was calling the police that gave them ample time
to Leave To get away

My husband said they would not do anything in broad daylight too much exposure

When the police got there, of course they were gone. That little girl‘s face etched in my memory
silent rage behind her fearful eyes.I failed her.
The police asked was the dad abusing the girl
He did not say he was the father. I told the police.
I didn’t witnessed any physical abuse.
Then what made you think something was wrong?

The little girl was doing that hand gesture they teach the children in school if they’re abducted or something’s not right oh, he said.
as if not fully impressed. I said I’ve been coming to this park for over 20 years. I have children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. I know when something‘s off and there was something off with that little girl.

We were finishing our walk as the Police Man investigated minutes only the whole situation plays over in my mind..  had I been more inquisitive to see what car they drove.
LDS little girls don’t dress like that
especially on Sunday.

I wonder
What was behind that Blue square tarp enclosures. Who was the person that pulled her in?

There’s a group of people who said on the bench passing out flyers for their church the watchtower. I told them about what I observed, and one of the ladies was quick to say just because that man said he was LDS doesn’t mean he really was and she started to tell me everything wrong with that picture. Another man at the market walking me to my car stated he saw a man dress like that. It’s one of the scams they use their dress like a business person saying they’re out of gas. They left their wallet at home whatever the story is very but they’re dressed like business men so they don’t appear homeless and are more likely to get what they want or to be seen blending in. The store clerk said stay away from those guys they’re evil.

This is a cautionary tale. We need to be observant to our surroundings children’s lives are at stake.
The children in the school district are taught survival should you get lost in the wilderness in May? They go for a week at West camp. They’re taught how they could survive with a pine tree eating the bark drinking pine tea noodles where is north south east and west and what to look for when lost Basic survival. They are also taught in the event. They are abducted. You put your hand behind your back put your thumb towards your palm and you move your finger in and out when you can’t use your words this movement behind your back can alert people walking by that you’re not safe. There’s actually a corridor that starts in Sacramento works its way up towards our area traffic‘s the children in our small community and using our hotels and taking them up to Reno in Vegas never to be seen again. It’s called the look twice program. Only one time had I experienced this in our Market. Looked about 13 or 14 year-old Dressed in a **** Catholic school outfit thigh, high socks, really short skirt and a white button up blouse. But what really gave it away was the wig she was wearing it looked like the wig of a middle-aged woman. And having children and grandchildren, her attire would never be permitted in school. She was standing by the ice cream. I went up to her and asked her if she was OK and I was gonna get some ice cream for my grandchildren and what kind would be a good kind before she could say a word this man came and grabbed her and pulled her forcibly down the aisle. By the time I got up to the front desk, there were six other concerned parents, the police were called. The child was saved, and the man was put in jail the look twice program,
That was years ago. I certainly have never come across something with children so young I am one that minds my own business but when it comes to children, I’m a grandma the whole thing just gives a sick pit in my stomach, wondering where those children are tonight.
"It was night. I stood alone on the road.
Someone knocked me down—
and for seven minutes, a reel of memories played in my head.
Then came the black.
Not death,
but the kind of quiet
that only comes
when you finally stop pretending to belong.

I left the world that never felt like mine—
not with a scream,
but a sigh.
And in that void,
for the first time,
"...I wasn’t lost.
I was—
find."
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