I radiated heat
Like the sun
But it wasn't until your arms touched me
That my blood began to run cold

what am i chasing,
really?

behind the smoke and the empty bottles,
behind the tears and the dried-up coughs
behind the life i know is leading me to ruin.

is it you?

or is it what you stand for,
the laughter on windy days,
the split-second hugs and the
sadness in my eyes you say you
feel sorry for.

and then there's the broken glass.
from last week on my bedroom floor.
after i threw an empty jack daniels bottle
at the wall in frustration.
and maybe a little pain.

metaphorical? perhaps.
tangible? perhaps.

but each time i reach out to
it all that answers me is
a bottle of pearls.

When you endeavour to grow
You'll need to learn how to garden
Because there will be some weeds
nestled in those "empty spaces"

but am i really drunk? or
have i just been drinking
water from my alcohol bottles,
pretending to feel the burn as it slides
down my throat?

or have my cigarettes been not
lighted all this while, just me *******
away at tasteless white sticks of tobacco,
staring at my ceiling and wishing i was dead?

i'm so predictable, it's starting
to hurt,

because instead of dreams, i'm counting nightmares.

instead of lovers, i'm counting bones.

instead of life, i'm living hell.

Words daze me and spin me into that state of mind where all is fine.
Mania mania mania and not a query is made.
It's hot outside, frostbite---freezing cold sunburns.
They all thought that I was awake but I knew, just as I know.
Oh I know. This poetic infection has got me again, and as years pass...I'll see those colors appear in my memories.
They'll streak across the beautiful face that I am transfixed upon.
I know this, I know. But it feels so good!
And there are slight differences that shall give me more time:
Laughter and actions.
They are the antidote to this poetic infection.
They clear the path for my irises.
Eyes can now take in the real world,
lead it into my mind and soul.
Yes, he's a safe one.
You're a safe one for me and my short lifespan.