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Everyone wonders if you cut
or have suicidal thoughts.
I can still be depressed
and not want to die
or hurt myself.
Everyone wonders if you're sad.
No one ever asks if you're
happy.
 Nov 2014 Mary Johnson
lost girl
I should be happy.

I woke up alive and well,
I should be happy.

I have new books to read,
I should be happy.

I have 490 songs on my iPod,
I should be happy.

I have good grades in school,
I should be happy.

I have friends who I can talk to and fangirl with,
I should be happy.

I'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me,
I should be happy.

I should be happy,
I'm not happy.

(a.d)
 Nov 2014 Mary Johnson
Ruthie
Happy
 Nov 2014 Mary Johnson
Ruthie
I get happy sometimes.
Right now I'm happy.
I like it.
It's refreshing.
The happiness fills me.
Right to the top.
I love it.
I'm just happy tonight
 Nov 2014 Mary Johnson
Eudora
You'll never know...
When you'll be head over heels
The most enchanting feeling in the world
Your unknown desires, it reveals
A current in you will endlessly twirl

You'll never know...
When happiness fills your heart
Having a precious bundle of joy in your arms
You'll realize in your life, he's the most important part
Not forgetting, he'll make the best morning alarms

You'll never know...
When your heart will be scrunched
Like a ball from a piece of paper
Feels like your chest is being ruthlessly punched
Your skin peeled off with a serrated scraper

You'll never know...
When a friend will turn his back
Whose hand you held, all these years
Intentionally causing an emotional attack
In disbelief, you gather invisible tears

You'll never know...
When you'll be caught in an unexpected plight
Daily reflections occur, due to lack of wisdom
To ease your dark path, you yearn for a ray of light
Nothing much you can do except to crave for freedom

You'll never know...
When the time comes, you might bleed to death
Tears will flow drowning your skin
As you breathe your last breath
You wish you had more time to atone for your sins
You'll never know what and when things will happen..
#life  #happiness  #love  #disappointment  #betrayal
#regret #pain #death
What doesn't **** you,
Makes you wish you were dead.
What doesn't destroy you,
Leaves you broken instead.

Who will fix me now?
Dive in when I'm down.
Save me from myself,
Don't let me drown.

It's getting harder to hold on,
I need to let go.
But as I start falling,
Then the love will show.

Who will fix me now?
Dive I  when I'm down.
Save me from myself,
Don't let me drown.

And if they don't seem to listen,
Don't give up your faith!
Don't take out your anger,
Just turn back and say,

I will fix myself,
Look up when I'm down.
And without a doubt,
I will not drown.
Inspiration from bring me the horizons drown
So I keep asking myself why I keep trying to fight these battles
I know I have already lost,
And never looking forward enough to recognize the cost.
When this had been a train with no stops to let myself recover,
And I was constantly leaving my imprint in the thoughts of all the others.
I was trying to heal without letting it cross my mind,
Of the time I was touched and the choice wasn't mine.
I kept building all my relationships on vanity and lust
When I realized there wasn't anyone left I could trust.
Maybe I needed to grow up a little,
Gain some self respect back,
Stop smoking cigarettes and drinking six packs.
Maybe it was my fault and I miscalculated my moves,
And I was a pawn in chess and he was a black shadow in the corner of the room.
I wish I could've told someone earlier,
Rebuild the barriers that were crossed,
I just keep asking myself why I keep trying to fight these battles
I know I have already lost.
 Nov 2014 Mary Johnson
betterdays
one must learn,

time and time again,

to love oneself with
a gentle
and forgiving heart,

as you walk the path,
to enlightenment.
We learn to say that we don't care,
As we begin to believe it.
We tell ourselves when we are hurt,
Not to share.
IDC...

Soon, we turn this ugly phrase, in upon ourselves,
A bad day, or treated badly?
Just remember those three,
Those deadly letters.
IDC...

What comes next is no surprise,
We use it for the smallest things,
A forgotten birthday,
Hopeful plea.
IDC...

How soon it becomes,
The easiest answer,
To each and every worry,
You need me?
IDC...

And then the fateful day does come,
When we have switched places,
We need assistance of some sort,
It falls upon deaf ears.
IDC...

We need to change,
This process we use,
And change the meaning,
Of three small letters.
IDC...

I don't care...
That's not true...
I give it thought...
Thus, I DO CARE!!!
IDC...

I DC...
I DO CARE!!!
It took a lifetime for me to learn that by thinking those words I made them a lie
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