The emptiness in my eyes,
The truth behind my lies,
The fall before my rise,
And the goodbyes;

It scares me.

The dark beneath my skin,
The light within my sins,
The voice that loudly sings,
And my broken wings;

It scares me.

The wounds I can't heal,
The pain I can't feel,
The loss I can't deal,
And when I am real;

It scares me.

The silence in my little talks,
The stillness in my moonlit walks,
The thought of separate ways,
And my numbered days;

It scares me.

The demons under my bed,
The words spinning in my head,
The blood in my sweat,
And my cold breath;

It scares me.

-Paras Bajaj #PoetrybyParas
Instagram : @mr.parasbajaj

I am too emotional.
I am overbearing.
I am too reliant.
I am simply too much.

That's what you say.
And that's alright.

I love you,
but sometimes I wish I didn't.
Sometimes I wish to escape,
but that's the part I keep to myself.

you say mental illness is a big deal until
i am sitting surrounded by trash in my car because its the only place i feel safe
until
i am crying when i wake up because i don't want to wake up
until
i am searching through pictures trying to find a scrap of light
until
i am sitting on the bathroom floor drinking the half empty beer i found in the recycling
until
i get attached to the drawings on my legs and cry when they go away
until
my plants all die because i cant water them
until
my pets die because i cant feed them
until
i starve myself on accident
until
my room has to be heavy or i cant breathe
until
i block everyone on my contacts list because i feel like they are watching me
until
i cant run anymore
until
i cant walk anymore
until
there is nothing left but you still want more

are as acorns. I bury
them; by noon forgetting
them. The rain and snow
mix. The earth beneath

my feet freezes with all
my bright ideas of making
a brighter year. So, I skate
on the topping.  And as fall

arises I’m propping myself up
as a scarecrow. The ground melts
the snow. And I see the buried
wish, crisp as apples in a dish.  I’d

make a pie with them all. So, high
it’d topple and fall. But this year
I shan’t. No, this year the solution –
No resolutions!

Do you actually think
That as soon as the clock hits 12
The problems will go away?

That january's rain will wash away
All the bad memories created?

That the long sweater will cover up
All the scars you left behind?

That the gingerbread you baked will mend
The relationships you let fall apart?

That the cold rosy cheeks will not fail
To hide your dried tears and wet eyes?

You naive little girl
You never change

they say
get up after you fall down
what if you never fell
since you never moved a step
what if you took a step
fell
then never took one again
have you given up
or ar you tired of failing
cause I am

you call me creative
but my mind is the place
dreams go to die

they embark on a quest to impart me with
gold stained teeth that smile with some kind of weight

but they drown soaked in the ash
of too many stale apologies and
late night '*******'s screamed at the sky
so hollow they ring on their own

i'm so tired of pretending my words have meaning
but the only things bouncing in my skull are the nightmares
that survived me

so i don't go to sleep