I am made of plastic in a world of fire. I am made of God in a world meant for desire. I am not in the right place or the right time I want to be hurt & to commit crime. I want to be good incarnate & evil carnivorous. I feel nothing anymore in a sensory existence. If I feel too good I'll be punished if I feel bad I'll punish myself. In a time of heaven and hell I have built a purgatory.

I told you, I really did. I told you this was exactly what I didn't want to be & maybe thinking like this is just a product of greed but life was real because I was sad & it feels like I'm better but those are just letters on a page in an obituary no one has to write. What's the point in swimming if the water's too shallow? What's the point in living if this mind stays hollow? The rope has been refashioned & the guns been unloaded but that's as far as I can get in being goaded to lead this good life.

I can't even remember what I did this week.

I told you that not wanting to exist was what made it worthwhile & you told me it would be better if I was skillful, half smiled. I live life in the moment but forget it the next, so I'm not sure you were right to say this was for the best. My brain feels superficial, an art piece on the wall, are my only options to feel everything or to feel nothing at all? So yeah, I'm not sad anymore but I did tell you so, & now that I'm happy I'm scared that you'll go.

We are built to withstand a blow to the head, a claw to the back, a knife to the throat. We are not made to stand like rock in the face of ever present wind. We are both the constructors and the constructed and the only way to survive is to keep building. Every creation I've ever made has not been destroyed, but it is gone. I live under mountains & in a world of possessions I can't call any my own. You wear me down, wind you are, & I am expected to be the super ego to your id.

Before you go, I want you to know what you did for me. The shackles that we wear are unfamiliar, but they etch the same pattern onto both our skins. We laugh at the same things and we hold silence for different pains. You help lessen mine and understand in a way that I have tried to all my life. I try to lessen yours, it feels like I'm just speaking but I hope it translates into something more. You have a beautiful mind that will be beautiful to the world but I wish I could get to know it better. Your little knowledges and vast understanding is not unappreciated, and although it hurts to say it, I'm happy that you're leaving. I'm happy that better places are about to be alight with your brilliance.

She lived a life with gilded eyes,
With gilded tears come silent cries.

If I could remember it,
I would probably just remember the smell of ***** and the magnolia candle you gave me.
As the candle burned its last bit of wax, and the new year tumbled in, we were kissing on my bed.
The only thing I remember was your tongue and how strange it felt in my mouth.
It did not belong there.
I greeted you first with familiarity, then drunkenness, then disgust.
Is our friendship forever ******?
I didn't mean anything in kissing you, and I'm sure you didn't either, but now I'm at arms length from someone who's arms used to hold me.

No, no, no.
I don't remember exactly what I said.
I don't remember exactly what had happened.
I do not remember exactly what I was planning to do after that.
All I remember was the moment that a trust we'd spent decades building was shattered.
I can still hear it, hollow and brazen.
I can still feel it, emotional and desperate.
I've spent months trying to move past it, as you told me I should.
I was just being hysterical, there was no other way to calm me down.
Our broken glass love is held at my throat every time I try to talk to you.
I'm not asking for the relationship we once had, I'm not even asking for a new one.
All I want is for you to know that I'm still bleeding, and you're the only person with bandages.

I let the fire trace itself up the paper, breathed in the scent of things that disappear. I wasn't afraid & I wasn't in pain & that's a dangerous combination. I was desperate to feel as fire is desperate to burn.

You held me close, you told me my heart would always be yours. You told me you'd never tell a lie & you never did but with the morning wind you blew away. I never saw you again & I never saw anything besides you again.

The frozen stars drift across a landlocked sky.
I feel free with your chains around my wrists.
The blood that stains them is wine, and believe me when I say God himself couldn't make a berry this sweet.
I know you'll tell me what she looked like, and I know you'll tell me what new bruises have used her skin as canvas.
Don't let me go.

Crush my eyes in your fists.
Take away what I have using what you love.
Tell me I'm beautiful once I can't see it for myself.
I'll take your word for it.
I love love love you.
Things never hurt as much as you say they do.

The hardest part of growing up is realizing that you like who you were more than who you are.

The light glimmers off the water like it did upon your eyes.
The day when I first met you was the first I really cried.
Wind blows through the trees like my voice within your hair.
But when you love someone like me it's tough to always care.