will the sunlight lead me home or will I stumble up the stairwell?
did the moonlight cloak our hips or did the steam outline our shadows?
do you see the hopes I see or just avoid the air I breathe?

"Beautiful"

One word and just like that
I am broken into two

Do not call me something so wondrous
If you feel anything less than love for me

Do not use such a heart-warming word
If you do not mean it with every bit
Of your soul

Do not call me that
Unless you have held me
Kissed me
And declared
That we will always be.

We are fragile, little things.
Chipped china teacups
In the hands of careless kings.
Caught in the fall,
Cherry blossom dreams,
The sighs of autumn
Keep us aloft on weathered wings.
Tethered to the will of winds
The water shouts and sings.
Overflowing that fragile teacup,
Scalding the hands of world worn kings

The recollection of screaming and
tears breaks every wave of my
thoughts. The sheets remembered
the melody of you, and I can still
smell you dancing within in the air
of my desolated thoughts.


The screams had made a home inside of
my ears, and I brought them forward
everyday; I just wanted to remember
something of you.

Your tears.
Oh, God.
Your tears.
I drowned in them every night.
I never bothered to learn the
swim; I felt closer to you the
more I struggled to pull a
harrowing breathe from the lungs of
a being I did not recognize as myself.

I felt closer when meals turned into
a nightmare; when my bones stabbed
at my skin; threatening to push through
the shell of me.

I especially felt close when the metallic
barrel of my father’s gun whispered
sweet nothings; appealing demons I had
buried six feet under.

But even though I tried to feel so close
to you again,
I could not forgive the memories
within my mind for bringing
you home to me everyday. -DDF

why do people cut?
because they have felt so much
so many emotions
it becomes overwhelming
they begin to feel nothing
that's when cutting begins to appeal
because they are so desperate to feel something
anything other than happiness
the easiest feeling to create is pain
it is the only way to replicate what that feeling was before the silence
so why not do it right there in front of you
where you will be constantly reminded of some sort of feeling
that same type of feeling that put you there in the first place
sort of like a drug
self harm is a drug
and babe i don't feel anything