got into a car accident with fear.
it paralyzed me from the heart down.
i only go through the motions, i can barely feel.
it took control and now i can’t  help but,
being scared to approach anything around.
for fear of paralyzing someone from the heart,
all the way down.

Remember when we used to stay up until 6 am
The sun would be rising
Laughing incessantly at something you said
While the world was in a deep sleep
I was awake and dreaming

Staying up all night, not thinking it through
Body and soul on the verge of collapse
However, I only wanted you
To say something that would make butterflies inside
Fly crazy in my heart and mind

Now we wake to the sounds
Of alarm clocks and honking horns
But just a short time ago, we were saying goodnight
At 6 in the morning
When the oxytocin high had me soaring

First date at a random playground
You sat in the swing next to mine
Chased me around
Never running out of time
Your lips, made me nervous
Messed up, the first kiss
I looked down, embarrassed
Teenage, innocence
Laid beneath the trees
Felt you pressed up against me
Watched the leaves sway slowly
Helplessly attached instantly

I want that puppy love back
Those jump in, don’t question moments of clarity
Bringing out the naive side of me
Craving the love song mentality
Warm summer sun filled our lungs
Walking hand in hand to puppy love
Mixed with the rebellion of reality,
That’s never visible to young kids like you and me.

Never again will we love so blindly and so full
Never again will we decide before we think
Never again will we fall before we meet
Never again will months feel like one blink
But you’re never supposed to even consider
These things when you’re
Running around a playground
Convinced that it’s more
Than puppy love.

It’s going to cut me down
The way I can't help but compare myself to
The other flowers in the garden
Who bloom
So much brighter and bolder
While my petals will always look out of place
And my roots take up too much space
My leaves are too heavy for the stem
They droop because of the burden I cause them

I try and sway in the wind alongside
The other beautiful flowers in my life
I watch them grow and thrive
While I just sit idly by
No foundation in the ground
Or certainty in my growth
There’s nothing delicate about my presence
I only shrivel in and try not to loathe
Myself or them
I cannot tell
Whether I wish their petals would fall
Or if I want my existence to be graceful as well

They stretch for the sun
But I can only make it to the tops of the trees
The trees are tall
But the sky is so much farther than I can achieve

Flowers are supposed to look diverse, not pristine
But why am I not as elegant as she