There is a howling ghost haunting my ribcage,
And she refuses to let me sleep.

She's been set alight so many times,
But her will to survive runs deep.

There's something, something important,
She writes on the insides of my bones, her walls -

"Never let them fool you: a queen is still only human,
But the difference is that she rises as the darkness falls."

Today, I had a drink

For the first time, the purpose of it wasn’t to numb the pain you left

But to simply

Have fun

It is easy to get over someone

If you never seen them.

The hard thing to do, is to be able to look them in the eye

And say to yourself,

“This is not what I want anymore”

And the most important step that needs to be taken

Is to accept your emotions

And not think yourself weak because of them

No matter what you do for him

He will never feel the same as you

You have left me abandoned so many times,

I have the lines on your back memorized

better than the ones on your face

I want to yell and scream and claw myself out of this cage
And tell you what this new girl has done to me
She drowns me in alcohol
And uses my body as her canvas
She likes the way all my muscles contract at once
to expel your memory out of my stomach at 3 am
After trying to forget you at 1 am
It makes me feel alive
And she likes the way her drawings on my skin make me feel less emotion
And more grounded

But every time I go to open my mouth
To plead
To tell you  
She won’t let me
Writing is the only thing she can’t control
So I write and write and write
Words that are mushed together and silly
That pour out of me too fast to catch
I’m trying to tell you, it’s not me, mom.
I wouldn’t do this to me
I’m not me