I’m
just
going
to
go
on
record
and
tell
the
whole
****
party
that
just
for
this
millisecond
I
feel
a
little
happy
!

I never really wanted to go
I’m still no better for it
Nothing happened in the way I wanted.

Coming to you from somewhere far and nuclear
this is a cry from the gut
that needs to be read in melody;
like a moonlight sonata:

Its’ fine. It’s okay; it’s my undoing anyway.
I wove counterfeit truths
with threads of convenience
till every last shred of dignity dried up.

I broke down
before dawn
before breakthrough
I saw shadows dry out in the sun.

I romanticised freedom
to the point of madness,
and burnt our palace to ash
out there in the lawn.

I may have pulled
the rug from beneath us
But you laid the broken
glass shards all along.

I tried to love someone else
but it isn’t working,
so I feel like smoking
while stalking your new girl like a hawk.

Happiness looks good on you
But I just don’t believe you.
Go ahead, carry on;
Just like you always do.

One day long overdue
You’ll find me at your door
asking what you meant by
‘’I’ll always be here for you’’

Maybe it’s everything I couldn’t be.

Maybe it’s you, still living in me.

Don't you worry for me.
I'm alive.

Words pour out of me
like the rivers of thrill
that gushed from deep within me
and rushed away in silent screaming,
in-between the glorious thighs
you missed out on.

Maybe I was only ever there
to prepare you for her.

Maybe I hung by a thread
so you don't hang your head.

Don't you feel sorry for me.
I survived.

With my heart in my hands
at the gates of a shrine
I swore to never forget how your face lit
when you said that I was
your favourite hypocrite.

Yes I got all your texts.
And I’m guarded, expecting your next.
Yes I’m fine!
But how would you know?
Frozen in time,
don’t know how to respond.
Okay fine -
You got me, just like you always do.
I’m losing my mind,
I guess I’m not fine at all.

It doesn’t matter
how much weight you carry.
It’s about how you distribute.
Pain diffusion
is like sunlight through leaves;
it takes courage
to let brightness pierce through
and kiss you.
So stay with me,
right here,
by your tree roots,
where cyclamen grow.
Hold my hand
like you always knew me.
Forgive my shyness
as I fidget
with toe rings of clover -
I promise;
  I’m less and less scared -
I still love your wildness.
I feel you,
all over.
Eyes,
of Pure Water.
My lack of sharpness
is yearning to soften your edges.
I’m floating above your garden,
weightless.
The ripeness of fruit
that your highest tree bares,
smells like a rose
you delivered.
If we really are here
to mirror,
all I want to do for you
is shimmer.