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Coming to you from somewhere far and nuclear
this is a cry from the gut
that needs to be read in melody;
like a moonlight sonata:

Its’ fine. It’s okay; it’s my undoing anyway.
I wove counterfeit truths
with threads of convenience
till every last shred of dignity dried up.

I broke down
before dawn
before breakthrough
I saw shadows dry out in the sun.

I romanticised freedom
to the point of madness,
and burnt our palace to ash
out there in the lawn.

I may have pulled
the rug from beneath us
But you laid the broken
glass shards all along.

I tried to love someone else
but it isn’t working,
so I feel like smoking
while stalking your new girl like a hawk.

Happiness looks good on you
But I just don’t believe you.
Go ahead, carry on;
Just like you always do.

One day long overdue
You’ll find me at your door
asking what you meant by
‘’I’ll always be here for you’’
Jan 19 · 348
sorrowful
Maybe it’s everything I couldn’t be.

Maybe it’s you, still living in me.
Jan 10 · 123
to the journeys end
Don't you worry for me.
I'm alive.

Words pour out of me
like the rivers of thrill
that gushed from deep within me
and rushed away in silent screaming,
in-between the glorious thighs
you missed out on.

Maybe I was only ever there
to prepare you for her.

Maybe I hung by a thread
so you don't hang your head.

Don't you feel sorry for me.
I survived.

With my heart in my hands
at the gates of a shrine
I swore to never forget how your face lit
when you said that I was
your favourite hypocrite.
Dec 2022 · 161
keep texting me
Yes I got all your texts.
And I’m guarded, expecting your next.
Yes I’m fine!
But how would you know?
Frozen in time,
don’t know how to respond.
Okay fine -
You got me, just like you always do.
I’m losing my mind,
I guess I’m not fine at all.
Nov 2022 · 284
Pure Water
It doesn’t matter
how much weight you carry.
It’s about how you distribute.
Pain diffusion
is like sunlight through leaves;
it takes courage
to let brightness pierce through
and kiss you.
So stay with me,
right here,
by your tree roots,
where cyclamen grow.
Hold my hand
like you always knew me.
Forgive my shyness
as I fidget
with toe rings of clover -
I promise;
  I’m less and less scared -
I still love your wildness.
I feel you,
all over.
Eyes,
of Pure Water.
My lack of sharpness
is yearning to soften your edges.
I’m floating above your garden,
weightless.
The ripeness of fruit
that your highest tree bares,
smells like a rose
you delivered.
If we really are here
to mirror,
all I want to do for you
is shimmer.
Oct 2022 · 1.5k
a flicker in time
Sunrise coffee in reticence;
Wonder what has caused the rift?
I’ve danced with every elephant
in every single room;
Wonder why I always shape-shift?

Distance never made my heart grow fonder
I crave to be far more removed.
I search for other types of anguish;
Do stars gleam brighter
when you stand on the moon?

So many paths I could have taken,
but I chose to carve mine
blind through the mist;
On the brink of dusk
when wild violets are shrinking
Grief is simply love adrift.
Aug 2022 · 653
Writer’s Musings
Musings
shapeshift
into intricate words
with a mind of their own
that fall into place
and make beautiful songs
which travel along
Continents
Consciousness
Vibrations and Waves
free as the birds
once alight,
resonate
with bodies and souls. 
Trusting the journey
is a curious adventure,
not a God complex,
a Writer is
but a facilitator,
allowing our innermost
turn into artwork,
delicate necklace
that hangs ‘round the throat.
Aug 2022 · 76
UV
UV
Hey
It’s been years.
Time
moves real slow around here now.
Recurring dreams
shine UV beams
on my streams of waking consciousness.
My innermost fears
all out in the open.
What to do?
How do I haunt them?
At least
the way that you danced for me
never got old.
I’ve got no other truths left.
It’s mile after mile
from now on.
Apr 2022 · 1.4k
North Sea Blues
You crashed in like a wave
out of the blue
and swept me completely,
Submerged in your loveliness
I shyly outgrew
my fear of sinking.
Spellbound by confetti of aquamarine,
I don’t know what to do.
Hero in the making,
You..
Unwittingly waltz me into spindrift.
Mar 2022 · 254
in a hurry
I’ve had no time to write any words down
but the stars cry and squirm
beyond noxious smoke as thick as a quilt.
As we run out of space I need you to know
Out of all the flowers I grew
You were my favourite.
Oct 2021 · 517
Many a man
How many a line
Crossed how many a time
How familiar a shiver down my young spine.

How many a man.
How obscene an act.
How easy to place someone’s word before fact.

How sick and ferocious
How lewd and atrocious
I’m tethered too tightly to set things in motion.

Many a heart ache.
So much at stake.
I’m coming for you, make no mistake.
I would have moved mountains.
I would have drowned my light in your motionless fountains.
Burned alive your imposters.
And sacrificed angels for your dark twisted monsters.

But you made me believe that the monster was me.
So I let you down just to let the Beast free..
Jul 2021 · 295
Sunsets
Sunsets I feel
tend to reveal
how enchanting is life
in its truest and real..
Jun 2021 · 87
Sparks
How do you see right through me,
clear glass -
tell me where do I hide
all these feelings,
the sparks?
Tell me how to stop this fire
turning me to ash,
because every time you come closer
I crumble to dust.
May 2021 · 684
01.06 a.m.
I found myself alone and astray
in drunk Chardonnay bliss,
after the games and the chase
and a complete strangers’ kiss,
hating myself for loudly admitting..
..that it’s you I incessantly miss.
i miss you so much
May 2021 · 767
Omen
I climbed up the third nearest hill
to watch the sun set,
on the day that you said
you love me..
Alone before sundown with time to spare.

I hoped to catch it amber and full,
on a hungry mid-cycle race all the way up there -
where exactly, I did not seem to care.
You disarmed me.
And on trial I were.

Alas my time wasn't worth it.
The sun hid behind thick layers of cloud,
the wind picked up and I could sense the rain coming.
It kissed me.
A bypassing train covered all other sound.

And to think I quite longed to hear this,
as if I didn't already know.
The forces of nature felt like an omen.
A warning,
against a tempting last straw.

Not sure how long I ended up sat there,
but Venus rose up to wish me goodnight.
If this is a test,
I’m determined to pass it.
An omen at half-light always means no.
May 2021 · 98
To long lost great Poets
Today I recalled the words of my father
stood at the door dignified, as he was.
Wasting my time writing lines, he said I was,
behind dusty old glasses from a hard day’s work.
If only I had refused to succumb
to decades of doubting my very self-worth
since that heart-stopping moment deep in my mind’s mines
Now how great a Poet could I have become?
Apr 2021 · 690
overflow
It's strange to think I remained silent
for all of twenty nine years
till recently all of a sudden
words overflow me more than my tears.
Apr 2021 · 924
Aperture
I hiked up the highest hill
To watch the sun go down
On your birthday
On a not quite full moon of April

I stared right in it with such thrill
And felt the blood neon colours
Of your departure
Rush through my veins and freezing me still

Stood in awe of this miracle I promised I will
Find an aperture
As I’m about to take on this solo adventure
Of a lifetime of dreams I’ve yet to fulfil.
Apr 2021 · 198
Someone help me
Hey...
Someone hear me -
now that he’s gone,
he’s gone for good.
Someone see me
through this airless night,
for the monster I am when I turn out the light..
Someone believe me...
when I say my thoughts are stark,
treacherous and dark.
Someone tell me,
a kind word or
a soft humming song.
Someone hold me -
back from tempting abuse,
for I’m dying to cut loose.
Someone give me -
a half arsed wave or a fraudulent smile,
a ******* reason to stay alive.
Apr 2021 · 172
thirty nine years from now
I loved you since you first laid eyes on me,
Since that very first invite over for tea,
Silly 'tash -
with just a dash of caramel wax..

Did I trip and fall
on the curb or on you that very first night?
Whichever floats your boat -
And then you fell for me too,
a few steps further, with all your chivalrous might.

You learnt me so well, now you get to remind me
how I'm no good at all with goodbyes..
All this time I'd forgotten about it,
busy trying to unpick all our hows and our whys.

Drive off to your bright new life, will you -
As my figure gets smaller in your rear view mirror..
I can't wait to meet you for tea when you're eighty;
Our promise, my true love, my best friend, my matey.
Mar 2021 · 769
Truth Unforgiving
Whimsical youth
absentmindedly fell -
cliffside,
abruptly.

Love to the stars,
oath taken to stone;
to help you,
instruct me.

~

Stillness the moorland
of cherry pie kiss,
unwilling
fruition.

Patience, wise virtue
foremothers instilled,
jeune fille
in submission.

~

Tame was the Beast
at the mountain's heart deep,
lethargic,
sleepwalking.

Wild was the Princess
in her dreams of pink sweet
sins, secrets,
unspoken.

~

Long were the years
under fallen rocks over.
Now doubtlessly
older.

Black was one night,
set her sadness alight,
but the ash left
her colder.

~

Monsters awakened,
set the footpath ablaze,
hopelessly
grieving.

Freedom I call
you, trying to persuade
you, truth
unforgiving.
Mar 2021 · 331
Resurface
I cannot take the pain away
From missing you.
And I cannot interfere
With these recurring memories
The ones I thought I’d buried deep
Inside my boundless ocean.

No matter how many songless walks,
Or bottles of wine,
Poured down my long blue sundresses.
From behind my dark brown curtains,
Beneath my raging waves;
Resurface.

And keep smiling to me.
Mar 2021 · 244
Enough.
A year on after losing Breonna,
The shock and horror of losing another
Daughter
Sister
Girlfriend
Lover
Bred the harrowing screams of those who will grieve you,
That pierced through our hearts as he crushed up your bones.

Sweet Sarah we are so sorry.
Our pulses unite with insurmountable fury
As the tears that we cry make the vigil lights blurry
For the ones before you and the ones to succeed you,
We will scream till it bleeds:
SHE WAS JUST WALKING HOME.
Mar 2021 · 498
A Good Place
This good place
One I was searching for all this time
This inner space
Out of the blue
Into the wood
Somewhere within,
I stumbled upon it.

As if by chance,
In this moment of grace,
It appeared before me.

I do not know long I will stay,
But I like it here.

— The End —