i never realized how much i liked being alone until i was, you know, like 6 years old.
maybe it’s the silence, or the fact that no one else can bother my thoughts but i am still just as attracted to being alone as i am to the way the snow will rest on the branches of trees... or that boy i see at that coffee shop every so often
but i mean usually people talk about loneliness like it’s a bad thing, but they have to realize that for me, the amount of people that i have in my life times 1000 plus a million (and lets through parenthesis somewhere in there) is not even the amount of miles it takes to get to just the moon. or the amount of minutes i would love to spend by myself aimlessly doing nothing other than trying to survive in my own thoughts.
i want you to know that i’m actually perfectly okay. i realize my parents worry about the increasing amount of time i spend not speaking to them and they worry about when i wont even say hello to my dog when i come home at 2:48 am 3 nights in a row but really i promise im okay
if promises were like hearts do you think they would cause the same amount of heartaches? i mean i never really cared about getting my heartbroken because then again, it allows me to be by myself more
i used to believe in a theory that if everyone got their hearts broken at the same point in time, nobody would be able to feel anything
now i only can believe in the feeling that i get when im driving in my car- you guessed it, alone, on a one way road with no stop signs because it is the only time when i can feel something without anyone else noticing
sometimes, spending time with people i love makes the urges to be alone harder to deal with. i know im supposed to want to go out and do things with others, but when the opportunities come, my mind is the gas pedal and my body is the break. or the other way around... i dont know for sure because ive never really had the time to figure it out yet but all i know is that the relief of how my blankets hold me at the end of the night makes it worth the torture

So

after all those years

all thoughts
deep at night
tying knots

all those nodes
of emotions
jammed

I guess we turned out okay

always inbetween

with and without
an undertone

like you said,
we'll stop talking
drift apart
live on

like I said,
we'll meet again
peacefully combined
  
who's to decide
what counts

I guess I always wanted to mean
something
I guess all parts aren't
affiliated
I guess we aren't
alright

but we are okay
for now
aren't we?

with all things for now in hand
you did
make me happy
for some time

and that time
should always count in
as a reason enough
in the end

A bright, blinding light glows
Above me with brilliance,
Contrasting the ambiance.
My eyes are fixed on the hospital room's ceiling,
While my ****** expressions change.
I see instruments used on me.
I let wave after wave of pain
Wash through me
And wait for the agony to subdue.
Sadly, hitherto, there is no distraction of any kind
That makes me forget the unbearable pain.
At the moment of utter helplessness,
The lines of my poem
Come to my rescue,
The words slowly taking birth,
Take my mind off agony.
I think of ways to describe
The hell I’m going through,
Knowing only too well
That I might not be the best person
To paint the picture.
Yet, here is my attempt!
I have the mad desire,
Raging through me,
To somehow leave my body,
Take my soul with me
And run away from the room.
I just wish I had the powers of Doctor Strange,
So I could escape into another realm,
Where I can have peace,
Where there is no pain.
Lying down there,
I secretly wish for death to take me,
Which I believe is sweeter
Than the inescapable torture
I face as a patient.
But that would make me selfish,
For I would leave my people,
The people who love me,
With a void that cannot be filled.
So, I wait patiently for my term
As a patient to come to an end.
And while I wait for the end,
I am writing this.