When the sun sleeps and the night is silent
I lie restless and alone,
As my eyelids are heavy while my mind screams...
Yet, it is bliss to glance outside
To see the moon in the darkness, beaming like a distant friend, a speck in the horizon
And although we both know I'm not meant to be with wonders such as the stars
He never leaves me behind, always calling through the window

I thought 'perhaps she's someone I'd like to know'
and my god, I nearly let my secrets show.
I nearly told her how my nights full
of analogies of the ocean's pull,
and how her eyes shine perfectly bright,
and she looked so good under the party light,
but I retain my posture, and don't let her in,
because last time I shared a poem, I certainly did not win.

Sat alone in the tiny old cinema
where we used to go.
on rainy afternoons
When we were lost in love
so very long ago.
Watching the old classics
on the flickering silver screen.
Devoid of modern technology
Just sweet timeless emotions.

Bogart and Bacall
kiss in the love scene as usual.
The endings are all still the same.
We watched this one so many times.
Returning to our little flat
making tea and love.

I remember when I first saw you
I would stand outside your flat.
In the driving rain soaked to the skin.
Just to catch a glimpse of you,
So beautiful so lovely.
I could not think
of anything else but you.

You have gone now of course.
I knew even then you were beyond me.
Such beauty is for the Gods
Not for ordinary men like me.

My heart was broken and still is
even after all this time.
It remains uninhabited and will stay
so for a very long while

I know I have not been able to adapt
and move on quiet as I should.
Yet sometimes,
in the middle of a movie that we shared.
I feel your hand slip into mine
and for a fleeting moment
all is well and
I am with you once more.

I do not regret anything and would
do it all over again my darling.
Even knowing how badly
I would be broken.

For I tried to catch the wind,
and for a brief moment
I held it in my hands.

I didn't want for her to kiss me
But I'm not sure what to do
Now she's tugging at my clothes
And I'm not sure if I want to;
All my friends said go for it, shes fit fine and cute
Why the **** not? What are you some type of *****?
But surely it's up to me what I do in the ****,
Is my choice if I do or don't want to.

Now she’s kissing more aggressive
And I'm not kissing back
As her hands run along my body
I wonder if asked for that
Did I give all the signals,

Do I beg for the touch?
Just cause I don't say no doesn’t mean I haven't had enough.

I feel a bit dizzy with all the drink
I stumble and she’s right there ready to catch me.
My whole world seems to spin,
She asks if need to lie down,
I nod and she grins
So she leads now to what is the scene of the sin
She pushes me on to the bed, the mattress cushions my fall
And I curl up my legs to my chest to form a ball,
I think it’s all over, finally I can get get some rest
And wake up in the morning to nothing more than a memory I'll forget

But she gets right next to me
So I close both eyes,
I wish that she won't,
But to my surprise
Again no words come out
The only thing leaving my mouth
Is her snake tongue as she slithers in and out.

The next parts a blur
While she gets hers
And I'm just lying there
While she unbuttons my shirt.
I'm doubting myself, is this all I'm worth?
Is this what happens to them all
While she gets hers?
And she's kissing my neck
Long wet kiss weighing heavy
And I'm angry and upset
Confused and hurt
She never asked she just took
But I can't help but think I must of asked for this.

Now she grabs it and tugs, forces it in
Seared in my brain is that sly cheshire grin.
Maybe this was the moment when the fault became mine;
I should have pushed her off
Instead being another rabbit caught in the lights.
But my strength was gone I just feel so weak
Surely soon it will be over then I can sleep.
The slapping of skin bounces off the walls and slaps me,
Shes calling me names while riding viciously
Saying I love it, not asking if she should stop
Or how I am, she’s slowly killing what makes me feel like a man
But how, how can she not see
This is not what I wanted?
She must be able see the tears, Recognise the fear,
It must be my fault or surely we wouldn't be here.
No person would do this to another out of choice
She must be just as confused
I should have used my voice
I should have said no
But now it’s too late, I've lost all control.

She's done and moves off slowly
Her heavy breaths makes me gag reflexively

I feel ***** and used I just wanna cry,
Surely she’s not a ****** the fault must be mine?
I should have shouted for help
I should have put up a fight
I should have screamed no
Till it echoed in the night

At least now it's done
I can start to forget,
Bury it deep inside of me and move on with what’s next.
But it doesn't go away,
It lingers and stays
It not easy to forget when you’re made to make love
Cause isn't that what it is more than just another ****?

And that’s what we forget,
So I'm speaking to all the women and men
Because the key word is consent
And the absence of consent doesn't mean that you can
Use your voice before you steal from another human.

©Gregory Loftman

When I just a baby girl.
I was covered in tiny twinkling lights,
They were everywhere on me so lovely.
You could hardly see
the spaces between them.
That was before I found out how to lie.
That truth had many shades
from purest white
to darkest black with so many greys.
Sometimes a small light would fade
Mom there won’t be alcohol there..
Other times a row of them went dark
Mom I did not sleep with him.
Then some lies made them all glow dimmer.
It’s alright Dad I don’t do drugs.
Now older I walk alone in the city streets.
On a rainy dark night
the store windows look like a hall of mirrors.
I can see my reflection ghostlike
all my pretty lights are faded.
I look tired and jaded.
but if you look very closely
between the falling raindrops,
like tears streaming down the windows.
You may see just a few of my lights
a glimmer of them hardly visible.
So stubborn they wont be the last ones
to go out.
they are around my heart