Diba - Hello Poetry

Diba Apr 2016

I don’t know if you’re happy with her but i still wish you were happy with me

The way it all stops.
Late night conversations and ‘I love you’s’ then you tell me you’re done, and months later ask me why i ever pushed you away, so i don’t. My friends ask where you went and what happened and all i can think is “I wish i knew” It was always yours against mine, always.
Until you decided to leave.
Pretending everything is fine, it is, to everyone else.
You just want them to tell you that you meant nothing to them, as if that’ll make you move on.
You think it will. Does the past ever really stay here?
How his eyes always felt like home, but you realize homes are always temporary when he leaves you.
Nights you just want to scream 'YOU STOPPED TRYING. WHY DID YOU STOP TRYING’ you built walls around yourself so thick you so you could finally move on but they always seem to slip through the cracks.
He packed his bags but left all the memories he had with you, and you realize that the trick is to find someone who doesn’t own a suitcase.
The pounding in your chest when he slams the door on your heart and you shut your eyes, this is all a dream, this is all a dream.
One second
Two
Three
Four
Why isn’t he back yet?
Five
Six
Did i lose him forever? OH GOD THIS IS NOT A DREAM COME BACK and you sit on the bathroom floor screaming with your heart in your hands. You didn’t want him to say sorry just please don’t leave please don’t leave please don’t leave.
Seven
Eight
Nine
This is whatever it is, i guess. It’s so cold without you. My heart still hurts. Baby i miss you, it’s so cold.
Ten
This is it, i love you

#love #heartbreak #thoughts #spilledthoughts #4am

Diba Apr 2016

Baby, i think it’s time for you to come home

At night when I look up I still see the constellations I named after you, they’re still there, but you’re not; and it’s just another reminder that you’re gone.
You only called me when she wouldn’t pick up and you kept calling that love, you almost convinced me it was.
But i loved you anyways.
I loved you until I was empty and still, then I found other ways to love you like thinking of you at 4.am while you were too busy falling in love with her.
Sometimes I have to follow your ghost to the house that became abandoned the day you left so I can feel at home. I can’t tell the difference between that house and my heart anymore.

#love #heartbreak #thoughts #4am #spilledwords

Diba Apr 2016

You only loved me at sunrise while i loved you through sunset

It’s 4.am and my whole world just came crashing around me as I realized, you’re forgetting about me, and there’s nothing i can do about it.
It’s times like these I wish you still loved me, or that we met sooner, I knew about you and how similar we are, how our minds work the exact same way.
Maybe then I wouldn’t have swallowed a bottle of pills when I felt like I had no one.
You never had to push me away like this you could have just let me go, but you didn’t.
Why didn’t you let me go?
And you still don’t get it, i’ve lived a hundred lifetimes and still loved you a million ways in each. I wish you knew that I can’t look at anything beautiful anymore cause I can’t share it with you.
Today I screamed “I ******* MISS YOU” in the same forest I told you about and how every time i walked through it, I felt like you were there walking along with me.
I wish you could feel what I feel.
I wish you knew that I’m still in love with you.

#love #heartbreak #spilledwords

Diba Apr 2016

You’ll go swimming in a sea full of my tears holding her hand

You’ve been gone for so long, your absence has turned everyone else into ghosts.
Everyone’s been asking me what happened to us.
I tell them you’re gone because it’s easier than telling them how you left me, taking every piece of my heart with you.
I still go back to the sea you drowned me in the day you left, expecting to find a reason why you ever left or when she stole your heart.

#love #heartbreak #poem #poetry #life #you #4am

Diba Apr 2016

Funny how they say “If you lived here you’d be home now” cause you still live in my heart, wish i still lived in yours. You were the only home i ever knew

My mother and Father were never in love, it took them less than 5 years to get sick of each other, everyone around them said to* “Stay Together For The Kids”
I never really understood the song until the day my mother held me, crying.
Her voice shaking she said *“they’re not all like your father.”
I could hear her heart breaking.
Their hearts were rotting out of their chest and the silence between them slowly suffocated them both.
So when you came along i loved you with everything i could.
7 months later and you were gone.
Word on the street was that your eyes were dimming and there was nothing i could have done to save you this time.
Last December i was writing about loving you; this December i wrote about missing you.
And when you left i tried to cut your words out of my veins but i cried and bled in the shower when i realized
you were still here.
It’s been 8 months since you left and i can’t even find the words to describe how much i miss you or how warm your eyes were and i wish i had found the strength to say “please don’t leave me” while i still had you

#love #heartbreak #poem #poetry #life #4am

Diba Nov 2015

Maybe your silence meant "i'm never coming back"

Maybe home is you coming back to stay. Maybe it’s hearing you say “I love you” again. All I know is that I’m homesick for you.

#love #heartbreak #poem #poetry #words #ink #breakup #spilled

Diba Nov 2015

65 days without you

Day 1-
My heart is breaking and i miss you and i ******* love you.
Day 2-
I was going to tell you i love you but i remembered that you’re not even mine anymore but i ******* love you.
Day 10-
You tell me how much you like her, i can’t breathe anymore and i ******* love you.
Day 18-
****. COME BACK. PLEASE. I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND I ******* LOVE YOU.
Day 26-
I ****** up, didn’t i? But right now i’m drunk and the only thing on my mind is you you you and i ******* love you.
Day 30-
I keep hearing our song and i ******* love you.
Day 41-
I miss your voice, i miss our “i love you’s” i miss our late night conversations, i miss your face and i ******* love you.
Day 57-
In my dreams, you’re still here and we still talk like we used to. In my dreams you’re still smiling and you’re still looking at me the way you used to. Always. And i ******* love you.
Day 65-
*These 65 days without you have been have stripped my heart and mind of the thought of anyone else. The thought of you loving someone else terrifies me and i ******* love you.

#heartbreak #poem #poetry #words #life #death #you #breakup #spilledink