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L Seagull May 2017
When submerged
There are two outcomes
To allow oneself to drown or to
Fight for your air
But either way
The soul will go on
It's way a lot further
Than you knew
  May 2017 L Seagull
Jamie Richardson
My noise, or music
(I don’t know which is which)

But it tries to escape,
And is broadcast, nightly

Over flat roofs and chimneys
Along fog choked alleys,

Through city streets
Till caught in its own limit

It’s consumed, and strewn,
Over an iron bridge

Down to the river
To become another corpse.

————————————————————

It could be me,
Along with my dream,

Blown up in a river.
It could be me, face down

Listening to the city;
Trying to perceive

Through the noise
Of shuddering trains

And the bereft sirens,
Wailing for the lost.

It could be me
Trying to perceive

Underneath music
The underneath voice that says

'You have to drown to hear me,
You must be, baptised in silence'

————————————————————

I knew his father once (the Baptist’s)
And I believed in him

Like some comic-book hero,
I believed in his powers.

And now, in this city
I can only believe in ghosts

Ghosts found wandering
Among attendant chords

Carried at night
Across the city lights

Playing on a empty swing
Under afternoon sun

And in lingering mists of dawn
That pearl the ground.

I’ve felt that ghost
Near the wood at twilight

And in a foxes stare
And a strangers smile.

————————————————————
But feeling ain’t believing,
So Sunday mornings are spent

For better or worse,
In pursuits and hot-heeled chases,

Of spent thoughts and sorry dreams
That try to stem the tide

That try to forget the plea, to join the rats,
And to see the sea.

————————————————————
But, almost accidentally
I still always find music,

In a hush of wind, or in swirling leaves
As my head breaks through roaring waves.

Contemplation makes the music clearer
Revealing the divinity of expression.

Revealing the label-less ghost, with a comic-book name;
‘The Unseen Hand’ which plays

Throughout the night in days
And is heard when yearned for.

And it will not die, for it has never lived,
Apart from the mind.
L Seagull May 2017
...I sat on wet wipes
And now I look
Like I peed myself
The worst thing I ever did to myself
was let a man control me.
I let him decide my worth
I always waited for his permission
I lived in fear everyday.
I let him threaten to leave me
I let him threaten to hit me
I let him take my life
as if it was his.
Nothing but a puppet on strings.
To this day I still feel fear when I
know I shouldn't.
He made everything feel wrong.
He made me feel like a prisoner.
I'm still trying to get used to being
my own person.
When I do things he didn't like
I have to remind myself that it's
okay. That he can't threaten me
anymore.
Like I think he's going to show up
and tell me how
stupid
i am.
tell me how
worthless
i am.
Tell me I'm nothing
but a burden to my parents
and everyone around me.
He would tell me all my friends hated me
He ruined me.
But ******* am I trying.
L Seagull May 2017
The flying feeling of crashing into bits
It's bitter sweet
It's strange
Not to explain
I see it
In the spectrum
Between the light
Of truth at the bottom of my heart
And the deepest dark
Of the sickening sorrow
Instilling life beyond
Reason
And the clouds
Are so ******* beautiful
L Seagull Apr 2017
Thy breathing is about to cease. Thy guru hath set thee face to face before with the Clear Light; and now thou art about to experience it in its Reality... wherein all things are like the void and cloudless sky, and the naked, spotless intellect is like unto a transparent vacuum without circumference or centre
Another passage from The Tibetan Book of the Dead
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