I watched as it pulled out of the station
Knowing you were on that train
And it breaks my heart
I fight back tears
Because YOU are on that train
And I was really hoping that instead
That train would be on you.
That would have made me so happy. :)


If you feel pity for her like I'm being too harsh and homicidal read the notes.

Is it wrong that I wish somebody would take time our of their day to notice me?
Is it wrong that I wish someone would CARE that I exist?
Is it wrong that I want to be loved by someone who isn't related to me and is a boy?
Is it wrong that I am so selfish that all I think about is receiving love from someone else?

I'm such a despicable human being because I want a boy to love or at least like me so badly and I don't appreciate those that DO love me already it's just that I really want love right now.
Is it wrong to want that?

Is it wrong that I feel like every poem, story, letter, grocery list for God's sakes that I write feels unnoticed and uncared about and lost?
Like a shout into silence with no one around to hear it?
I feel like I write and no one reads
I speak and no one listens
I scream and everybody pretends not to hear
I love
AND NO BODY LOVES ME BACK
It would just be so nice if someone sacrificed a little of their time
to notice that I exist
and that I have a voice
but I really don't feel worthy of that
and this pathetic self-pitying point I'm at
is a low point for me
I'd be too ashamed to say it out loud that I feel unloved
that I am so selfish and self-pitying
but I gotta write it
to get it out of my system
this lonely unwanted unnoticed feeling
like I don't exist
like no one cares what I have to say
Is it wrong?

Thanks.
For calling me all those pretty things
everyday
for months
and months
being the center of my thoughts and conversations
being the guy I tell my friends about
because I have never liked a guy the way I like you
and no guy has ever liked me before at all
you are pretty much beyond out of my league
and yet somehow here we are
telling me you want to take me on a picnic
being so wonderful
being a writer and a poet
being gorgeous and handsome
being wonderful
such a wonderful person
making me fall for you
then after WASTING
so many months of my time
you HUMILIATE me
when I have to call my friends
and admit to them
that you texted me
and told me you were in love
with some other girl
in "love" my ***.
Please.
Don't make me laugh.
...or cry.
:(

I met her by the way
she is the mother of all *******
and also doesn't wear actual shirts
just these loose pieces of fabric with slits along the sides
that show everything
that she refers to as a top
I've seen bikinis that are more modest
but whatever
I'm just in a good mood
because you dropped me
so quickly
like it was nothing
and watched me fall
all my friends sharpened their battleaxes
and called you all sorts of colorful things
but I was still sad and disappointed
but I am in a good mood
you know why?
Today I saw her making out with this guy
she is either dating him and NOT dating you
so you lost her
or she is cheating on you
so HA
now you know how it feels to be replaced
you **** well better not try and get me back
'cause now I realize
back before you let me go
I thought I didn't deserve you
because you were so wonderful
and I was worthless
now I know I was right
I don't deserve you
because no matter how much I loathe myself
and I really do
Even I don't deserve
a worthless waste of space player like you

I've seen hobos and hippies at bus stops
Goths, drunks and stoners
Pretty skinny girls with Starbucks in their pretty hands and leggings
Quiet girls with notebooks
Guys who are loud and always smiling
Guys who keep to themselves
People wearing a moustache and a skirt
Mothers with 6 children and a pet bird perched on their stroller
I always wonder of them
I have seen you
With your nice eyes
And silence
The quiet way you don't speak
How you always wear long sleeves
And I wonder about you
...Does anybody ever wonder about me?
I doubt it.
You have to be interesting, to be wondered about.
Or in a movie.
Or a book.
Or a fairytale.
You need to live in daydreams.
I think I need to move.

I wish I knew what love the scent of love smells like
I wish I knew how death feels
I wish I knew what terror tastes like
I wish I knew what crazy looked like

I do have theories though

I bet love smells like you

I bet death feels like a mix between sleeping and those times when you are just existing when you should be living

I bet terror tastes like you swallowed a bolt of lightning

And I bet crazy looks like me.

Smile
Cry            Leaf
      Dance
Sniff                      ­          Hair
                             Eat
            Tasty                                Climb
      ­                            Sleep
Choose                         ­                           Fluff
                          Fumes
­Nitrogen
                                                        ­    Hydrocarbons
                                             Fire
Burn
                     Death
Fall                                  Scream
              ­    Cat
                                                         ­             Kyet
Storm
                  Turmoil
               ­                     Pencil Javelin
****                                                     ­   Save
                                      Love               ­             Hate
             Dog
                                                    Squirrel
Sob
                   Laugh