These old memories that stick like glue
Bonded like some impossible atoms
Are flowing in some unstoppable rain
That never leaves but tends to stain.
These old songs I hear again
The ones I skipped on 'shuffle'
Are playing and I hear it now
The lyrics haven't changed the style.
These pictures that I throw away
Old pictures that bare your face
Are ones I cannot bare to see
In these pictures I don't see me.
These old shirts I've come to hate
Shirts that held one special date
Are rotting in the trash bag now
Your memory just makes me smile.
These old memories- I remember them
I realize now I'm free at last
I don't have to just live them anymore
These memories- well- they make me bored.
This wasn't a love song, no, not today
I'm better off without you, babe,
'Bestfriend? Sister!' Oh, such a lie
I hope one day you will realize.
You'll see me soon, out there, famous
And you'll be stuck in the clouds, dazing
Remember that when you miss me, dear,
Those memories are all that'll be here.

You know the rags and riches
I went the other way around
I thought that I could handle it
I wouldn't make a sound.
And I thought that it'd be okay
If you loved me more and more
But I wasn't good enough
And I guess I was a bore.
But today was her birthday
The first time she wasn't here
You couldn't have picked it worse
To tell me, 'Just move on now, dear'.
So when you told me, I sat and thought
I've lost everyone so close
That I ***** up everything
I'm not fine, nobody knows.
I was eating dinner with my mom right next to me
Said 'I'm not feeling right'
"Oh, you'll be fine honey."
sigh Nah, this'll be a long night.
I crawled up in my bunk
To sit, lay down and cry
Repeated bad mantras
About how bad I want to die.
"I'm sorry, sorry, sorry,"
Oh, I said it a million times
I'm sick of all this now,
Just hoping I'll be fine.
Trudge into the shower
To wash sorrows away
Play some music loud
Maybe forget about the day.
"Things are getting weird, things are getting tough
Nothing's making sense but you keep on looking up
They tell you to be true, you're trying every day
You keep it on the real, still you gotta find a way.
To make your mama happy, to make your papa proud
You gotta turn it up but all you hear is turn it down.

Sometimes I wanna cry and throw the towel in
They try to beat me down but I'll take it on the chin
And everywhere I go the people are the same
They just wanna know that everything will be OK.
Things are getting rough, turn it back around
You gotta turn it up when they tell you tone it down."*
With this song on repeat
I work it up to say
To tell you I'll be done
And that this is the final day.
I have a few kind words
After one long horrid time
I mean the kindest way
*******, and in the worst kind.

It's not as easy as you think
It's really one big scare.
They'll tell you what you want to hear
In hopes that you don't care.
"We're not that dumb-
At least, I'm not.
Nice try, you get me here."
But listen, man, I understand
Sit down, let's share a beer.
Let me explain- I know it all
You can't hide from me anymore
And, actually, you know the truth
Their opinions make you sore.
Not only do they say it
They marinade it- give it a coat
They cook it up all nice and sweet
Before they shove it down your throat.
You have no thoughts
You're not you're own
You're the checker in their game
Let's show them who we really are
Let's show them why we came.
Secretly, they fight to lose
And they've never really won
But have you since been listening?
They don't talk just for fun.
See, they don't wrap it up
They strive to keep you waiting
Don't worry, son, it's not your fault
It's all part of their training.
Armies are built, families- lost
They've planned it all along
They know just what they're doing
And you must decide who's boss.
Which commander do you follow?
Is it freedom, is it lies?
Have you seen under that pretty mask?
Have you seen through their disguise?
It's time to fight- the war is on
The gear and armor ready
Pick your side, just take your time
We're here and holding steady.
So it's your choice,
You've got it all-
Fight or stay at home
Just remember what they've done to you
Let's make our presence known.

It's hard to talk to artists, see,
They've never made much sense
Their memories seem clouded
But yet I found one on a bench.
I didn't find the artist, no,
I only found his work
A broken, torn apart journal
A tattered, beat up book.
I opened to the first page
And saw a true sight to behold
Colors flew across the paper
In reds and blues and golds.  
The pencils must have danced
And the thoughts should have exploded
But what I had there in my hands
Was worth much more than noted.
I held his imagination
Every fiber of his thoughts
Every piece of information
That he ever had been taught.
The lines and circles spoke
Every word that he could not
They all told him not too
So he kept it under lock.
But there those drawings held the key
The secrets to his past
His present, future, all his hopes
'I wonder if they'd ask.'
He kept his secrets quiet
All his goals and all his dreams
I found his only outlet
His saving grace, it seems.
I looked through all the drawings
Some teasing, jokes, and grades
All expressed in colors
His feelings to create.
I never met this man that day
I still don't know him now
I wonder if he's happy
Or does he revel in the clouds?
See, artists are a piece of work
They're masters of the trade
Their specialty is feelings
Like the ones put on a page.

A million words cannot describe
The way I looked at her
A thousand times I've tried to say
The kinds of feelings that occur.
And a hundred wishes I have said
Wishing I just said no
But other things she wished to chase,
"If you love her, let her go."
Walking lands I wish I knew
Seeing people may have changed
Was I really gone for that long?
She's made me feel estranged!
Learn to walk and live again
Like a toddler in the snow
Finding new and wondrous things
"If you love her, let her go."
I loved her, lost her
Found her again
She asked to leave, I should've said no
I'm thinking about it too much now
I loved her, but I let her go.

How beautiful I felt
When my dress was as dark as the night sky
And when sequins sparkle like stars
Like when we ran up the hill and forgot for a moment
About how our lives flash by
How the stars I love are dead
And how the spitting rain was ruining my dress
The dress that I pulled from the sky
And when my hair was falling out
And I held my shoes by the heels
And life by the hands
And when, in that moment, I was dressed like the night
How the statues came to life
And the empty parking lots stayed empty
And the cars on the highway were my spotlights
How beautiful I felt
When, for a moment, I was dressed in night
On the top of a hill
Getting wetter by the minute
And forgetting that, in the long run,
I should be caring about this
About how the stars were dead
And life is short
And my dress is getting wet
And my hair is falling out
But I wasn't.

I've only been good at logic puzzles
But this is a puzzle I can't get
These little ones that rattle in a box
And sit on my shelf, simply untouched
Those put-together puzzles
With the frustratingly beautiful blue sky
Frustrating because somehow it all fits together
But I can't tell if this is a cloud
Or a bird
Or maybe dust because I haven't touched it in a while.
It'll be a pretty blue sky and field
With pink flowers and red trees
So maybe it's late autumn
Or fall accidentally forgot it was supposed to be spring
But either way its frustrating
Because there aren't any solid lines in this puzzle
And I can't deduct any solid answers
So I do the only thing that seems somewhat sane
I give up
I put the box back
To let the clouds collect more dust
And let the lines on the pretty red trees
Become more indistinguishable
I put the box back so I can pick it up later
And hope that maybe next time
The lines will be a little more clear to me.

You're the wind the blows the treetops
It rustles through my hair
The hand that touches my shoulder
Quietly, you are there.
You're the story left unfinished
A poem left untouched
For 20 years you fought alone
20 years escaped Death's clutch.
For 14 years you held me
Through plays and concerts all
You filled up puzzles and read the books
Alone, you stood so tall.
You told me all the stories
Answered that question many times
Why I never did see Grampa,
Why I never saw you cry.
You showed me all the pictures
Played Santa on Christmas morn'
We made fruit salad on holidays
You've loved me since I was born.
Not once did I say goodbye to you
See you later, kiss goodnight
I'd see you in the morning
Bananas and donuts under the counter light.
You were a genius in your own way
But never flaunted it so
You taught me games I'd not thought of
You loved me more than you could show.
We offered you a guard dog
A cat to spend your days
You never were an animal person
Dependence is not your ways.
You got home from bingo one night
Laid down to rest your head
Your sister woke to call you
Somehow, you weren't out of bed.
From then on you hid your voice from us
Never to be heard again
Tests and cards and flowers, too
Not one, not two- more than ten!
Leading up to then, you'd had enough
Enough for a lifetime, I suppose,
Because one night you took your final breath
Your cheeks lost the color of rose.
I've never been the hugging type,
And I handle sadness on my own
Crying in front of others
Is something I've never been shown.
The next week had been quite tough
But your sister was always there
Your sister, my Nana, the only one
She told us she would always care.
We said goodbye, a final one,
I tried my hardest not to cry
I'd only said goodnight my life
Not once have I said goodbye.
Sometimes I wish we got you the dog
Maybe we'd share another morn'
I love you for the rest of my life,
The one I miss and adore.
It was the night you'd not return
None of us know why
But now we know you're happy
Playing bingo with Grampa in the sky.

Stick your arm through your chest
And pull out your heart
I guess forgetting all love
Is a good place to start.
Keep your hands ******
Leave your chest bare
And if somebody shut it
I guess they might care.
But until they can prove it
Keep shining your sheath
Apply some dark eyeliner
And sharpen your teeth.
Keep your friends close
And nobody closer
Lonely sounds better
Than whiny push over.
Preach what you practice
Take your advice
Bad pastor, good cop
Either way, don't play nice.
Because look where that got you
All this anger and hate
I guess if they loved you
You wouldn't be in this place.
So be ruthless and heartless
All the 'less-es' out there
Keep the blood on your hands
If that makes them care.
Throw your heart on the floor
And love with it, too
They wouldn't have laughed
If they truly loved you.

So I'm traveling the road today
I think, "Why did I want to leave?"
I carry with me some clothes and toys
And baggage you cannot see.
Understand, sometimes, I get so sad
So low I cannot get back up
So buried in hopeless thoughts and dreams
Drowning in pointless stuff.
This is the reason I'm alone right now
In a room full of people by myself
This is the reason I am leaving today
For more than the reasons I can tell.
And hopefully this baggage I have
Has made plans for not coming home
I really don't want it following me
It's his turn to really feel alone.
So I'm traveling the road today
I think, "Why did I want to leave?"
And then I remember it's a beautiful life
And that this is not what I want to be.

What in whoever-the-hell's-up-there name am I doing?
Who am I to question history?
Follow the lines of this directed system,
Make yourself appear kind and gentle enough
To be accepted into afterlives put forth by humans
Who waste their here-lives mauling over what if's-
What if they're right?
But whoever the hell I have to **** up to, God, what if they're wrong?
Do I risk my spot among the great
In order to live the life I want to while I still know it's real?
I cannot question the tangibility of this world because the key word here-
Tangible- tangible, I can feel you, I can feel the grass
And I can feel these people and because you are real
I am not alone.
I cannot depend on something that isn't tactile, that isn't tangible
Because I cannot touch what I don't know
I cannot touch what can be speculated as unreal.
But who am I to judge what is real and unreal?
If there is nothing unreal to depend on, no god or supreme beings,
No something that is controlling my very being,
Then why do I chew on the idea that it could be real?
Tell me, what constitutes something real?

We mill around
Just walk and talk
Meet and greet
And "I miss you!"
Hugged each other
for much too long
Overlooking the elephant in the room.
Pictures shared
Hellos, goodbyes
"Oh dear, I love you so!"
We laugh and cry
Avoid closed eyes
And ignore the elephant in the room.
Groups together
Sharing, staring
Forgetting why they came
Push it back
And out of their minds
Just forget the elephant in the room.
The reunion goes
Just well as planned
Cards and flowers
All dolled out
Show your respect
And pay your dues
All because of the elephant in the room.
Walk out in step
A pretty little line
With tissues and people in tow
A reality check
For the comfortable ones
By yours truly, the elephant in the room.
Sick of flowers
Of hugs and sorry,
Don't forget the pity, too
A little reunion
For the ignorant ones
Who are too scared of the elephant in the room.
Come home sick
Empty and shallow
Shaken and rocked to the core
Left too soon
Well- you did, not them
It's just that dead body in the room.

I'm a liar
And a sinner
Some are gamblers
Others winners
There are riders
Live-to-die-ers
And ones unlike you
She's a cheater
He's a keeper
Many blind to see
There are hiders
Some are whiners
They sound the same to me
Wish we may
They wish they might
That maybe they can change tonight
From sinners, lovers
And ****** to mothers
God, I'd promise if you'd help me tonight
Let it last
Just one last time
Then take these labels out of sight.

I was waiting to write a letter soon
The letter you'll never see
I've got it written and ready now
A letter from the heart of me.

I guess it's pretty simple
But I've never been one to share
All it has is feelings
Like how I've always cared.

I really wanted to tell you
Why'd you leave so soon?
You know, we had a coffee date
I remember it set for noon.

I never got to meet you for it
You left me on the way
In reality it's all my fault
I'm the reason you're not here today.

If only I hadn't made it that time
Maybe you'd still be here
I wonder what you'd be doing now
We'd still be together, we'd meet there.

But this letter had my feelings
The ones I know I should have shared
And now you've moved up higher
You should know that I still care.

I would've sent this letter
Darling, my cheeks are getting damp
I wish you'd know my feelings
But Jesus doesn't pay for stamps.

I decided to play cards sometime
And my partner wasn't right
His smile seemed so greedy
Something's off about this night.
'Go ahead,' he grinned
'I'm ready to play
Let's start a war with 52.
Make it equal (26!)
Let's fight- just me and you.'
I dealt the deck
As he rang the bell
'Ready.' I said
'Let's fly on to hell.'
His horns- they grew,
His teeth turned to spikes
He smirked and gave me the first one
Told me 'Hey, just out of spite.'
We continued to dance
And the swords, how they flew,
The spears they shone,
Lost to a Queen- just a two.
My partner snuck peeks
At my face- now he knew
I'd been dancing with the devil
Winning a war of just us two.
He whittled his cards
It became quite a joke
I was outfoxing the fox
Sore loser- that old bloke.
'Not possible!' He cried
'I'm the devil, you're in hell!
You just fought a war with me
See, you won, please do tell.'
I chuckled to myself
'Oh, I see quite alright
Thank you, kind devil,
but I must bid you goodnight.
Sweet dreams, old fellow,
Or maybe you won't.
Please, cheer up, good man,
You went from red to new yellow.'
He turned and then huffed,
'Oh shut up, you fool!
I've been fixing up my game
And you're just a tool.'
He left, and I smiled,
Just grinning to myself
I'd just danced with the devil
He never asked, that old elf.
You see, I've had training
I'm fairly good at it now
My sword throwing's improving,
and with that,
I take a bow.

When you go through a loss, it's pretty different
Different in the sense that you lose yourself too
I realized what the point of having a body is
Theoretically, we could be just floating ***** of oxygen and ideas
The body is the vessel for these great ideas
And I finally believe in a soul
I believe again
In death, I have found a reason to believe.

Sometimes I like to make toast in the morning
Veering off the path of sugary flakes and dried out vegetables
To remind me of how simple people can be
But have a world of open possibilities in front of them
And to also remind me
That I need to be more creative than to write a poem
About toast.

If you really break it down
We're not what we think we are
You're not that girl with dreams of being a doctor
You're not that guy sitting at the bar.
We started from the very bottom
We worked our way to the top
But, seriously, is this what we've wanted?
Is this all we really got?
We're silenced, hushed,
We're told we shouldn't talk
Why question the system?
I'm telling you this needs to stop.
We're told about our rights
We're bonded but liberated
It's time to think outside the box
Inside seems overrated.
Everything is not 'okay'
Tell me, what does okay mean?
The definition isn't this
Life isn't what it seems.
You live behind a sheet of glass
Your eyes are closed and covered with wax
They stuff your ears with cotton *****
In hopes that somehow
That'll cover it all.
But don't lose hope, darling,
I know what okay means
Scrape off the wax and open your eyes
Let's see what it's like to get out of routine.
It's time to think outside the box
To question everything they've got
We can make a change
Because we are what they are not.
Stand up, speak out,
Stop living behind the walls
They can't shield you anymore
And right now they're about to fall.
Let's send them crashing
Let's make it okay
Let's gear up, get ready,
I'm ready to play.

Our failures have been turned into free entertainment
Our pain is on display
I've questioned, fought, and rebelled
They won't pay attention anyway.
Truth is screaming and burning their skin
The least noticed people understand
They've taken the whole brunt of it all
The homeless girl, the drunken man.
People that have suffered the most
People that walk to valley of death
Bystanders whose story we don't know
They watched loved ones take a last breath.
Hunger, pain, killings, ignorance
The last happens most of all
As long as it doesn't directly affect them
They stoop higher as we fight to crawl.
I've never felt so singled out
So different than the rest
But this time where I'm most different
Is when I am the best.

These late night poems, when I get down to thinking
More than under-the-sun dreams
I'm calm and under the influence of darkness
My ideas have been ripped at the seams.
Because right here, in the dark of the night and the clouds
I have seen when there's nothing to see
Right here in my lonesome with no one around,
I have been when there's nothing to be.
Under the sparkling ***** of gases billions of miles away
I have understood the silence and innocence
The way the stars are simple messages of being alive
I understand my mortality, in a sense.
No, I'm not taking acid or any drugs,
And I haven't even downed any beers
However, I'm under the influence of stars
Glowing ***** of gases for another million years.

Amid the feelings in this ocean of utter confusion
More commonly known as the world
Feeling nothing
And sinking, sinking, sinking
With an anchor around my neck and bricks in my heart
Has got to be the worst of all.

There's dreams some nights
They come and go
These dreams where I lay dying
My thoughts, they scream, with white hot sounds
'Why death?' They ask
'Why dying?'
The truth, I say, a sad one so
The truth, and I'm not lying,
I like these dreams, the scary ones,
The ones in which I'm dying.
There came one night
A different dream
Where I did not lay dying
Instead it was the ones I love
Sad, angry, crying
But their sweet touch- that was not dead
It's what's inside that passed.
Dreams and visions shattered
Like the precious broken glass.
They turned around to let me see
What they all cried about
The sad, broken, little story
That no one knew about.
I lay there, small and pale
Like a little newborn pup
There was no wailing, no new life
Taken with a cut.
They cried and sobbed
'Why is it so?
However could this be?
Beautiful life, oh daughter, friend,
Please, come back to me!'
I shook them, kicked and hit
'Hey, why can't you see?
Please turn around and listen!
It's me, it's me, it's me.'
They didn't look,
No words, more tears
'You need to see,
You need to hear.'
With that I woke
That horrid dream
Such death brought no delight
But what had really changed my mood?
Oh, what had shown the light?
I finally saw my family
That night inside the dream
Broken, sad, and crying
And they never got to see.
I realized dreams of dark and death
Is not something to take light
But whatever I have felt before
Hurts much less than that night.

Flames will fade too,
Burn bright and hot until a smolder
Until fleeting breaths of wind or water
Put out it's last embers.
And I, I am this fire
Ceaselessly burning,
Incandescence,
Flames twirling,
Dancing as if nobody had extinguished me yet
Until someone does.
Until the water is splashed
And my fire dies.
But as oxygen is to flame,
Willpower is to determination
And my embers will not be put out
I will burn what has given to me until incineration.
I ingest this wood, these obstacles,
As a hungry child
I engulf forests for breakfast
Because fire is natural
And you cannot tame what is wild.
You can douse the coals after my destruction
But I can rip through your town
I will sear your very existence
To the ground.
I can be put out, as if I was never there
But the grass around me
And what I have left in my path
Is not the same, nor will it ever be.
Oh yes, embers die, too, you know-
But keep in mind that while you may strike the box,
I'm sure that you never lit the match
With the intent to start a fire.

Have you ever felt like nothing?
Have you ever lost the time?
Have you drowned in empty lately?
Did it beat you till you're blind?
Do you trudge along these no-name streets
With stores robbed like your heart?
Did you visit there where you grew up?
Did you think about your start?
Did you pass the house of your old best friend
Who grew up and out of you?
Did you think, one day, that you did that?
That you forgot about him too?
And did you walk into an empty school
With drawings on the wall?
Did you see the children all went home?
Notice the system fall?
Did you feel it all just wash away
Like the sand at your favorite beach?
And how empty were you when you saw
That young woman no longer wanted to teach?
How lonely were you when you heard
The sound of silence fill the streets?
Did you sense the houses left-behind?
Hear no children's feet?
Was your heart so broken that you didn't get
You weren't alone all along?
Did you get so sad that you forgot
The sound of the people's song?
Have you ever felt so lonely
In a place you know longer know?
Have you understood the pain
It takes to feel so low?
Do you know you're not alone?
You know the kids aren't at home?
Did you see the streets are buzzing now?
Not what your emptiness has shown.
So have you ever felt like nothing?
Have you ever lost the time?
Well, I'll have you know that it's no more
That it's all just in your mind.

There's this special seed inside of us
That glitters, shines, and grows
Planted by an equally special person
One that everybody knows.
The one that woke up early this morning
And downed their coffee for the day
While you dig out your favorite shirt
And they keep their nerves at bay.
The person that decorates for new children
Hangs up posters and note cards
Tacks up the yearly alphabet trim
And clears the weeds from the school yard.
Stands and greets equally nervous kids
Hands them name tags and a book
And hopes that their anxiety melts away
To be excited like they should.
The history and math books open
Pages are assigned
They're there to help you through it
To make problems easier to find.
To journey across another dimension
Of equations and butterflies alike
That prepares you for ACTs ahead
And tests that you'll probably dislike.
Well, that's all fine and dandy
All these books and passing grades
But what's more important is the seed inside
That's planted in your brain.
The seed that fuels your drive to learn
Creates a light to help you grow
Makes you crave another book
Acquire everything there is to know.
And I know a certain farmer
That specializes in these seeds
Who wants to make you reach the top
So you'll realize everything you can be.
These farmers go by 'teachers'
The most amazing you can find
Because of them, I try to be my best
So I thank my teachers for their time.

My only shining armor
Is wearing no brands across my chest
My battle calls are telling them
That I don't go to rest.
My metal shaped from experience
Swords fashioned in the fire
Drums fitted, screaming the harshest words
To **** your hateful admirers.
Uniforms made of the sharpest silver
Chains clinking, dragging along
Galloping horses through the fields
As we screech the freedom song.
"Break my heart, you will no more!
My deepest enemies and fiends-
You brought out the darkest monster
When you took out other queens!"
Bayonets line up to shoot
And all our eyes look deadly
You're lucky I banded everyone up
Or you'd be dead already.
Instead I built you my army
We wear mascara instead of masks
The same mascara we reapplied
Before we took up arms and axes.
I fix my piercings up my ears
Make sure my shirt's in place
Before I call my girls to start
They make sure you know our grace.
"How dare you take another out!
That queen has slept with many!
I bet you couldn't pay her enough!
Bet she only asked a penny!"
"Called me names, guess what, my dear?
You cannot speak anymore!
For when I am all finished with you,
You won't be able to utter '*****'!"
Standing afar, my troops take back
All feeling they have lost
So next time you try to hurt one of us,
Remember just who's boss.

you have a match doused in gasoline
held to the flames
destructive, powerful, filled with potential

but you can't let go
what if it explodes?
who will get hurt?

listen- find this person,
and for the love of god,
hold onto them

find someone who is not afraid to throw your match into the fire
to ignite the burn in your soul
who wants you to let go of it all,

to let go of the destructive match holding you back
find someone who is not afraid to soak your troubles
and toss them into the flames

find someone who loves you so much
that they will sacrifice their burns
so that they can help heal yours

find this person,
and for the love of god,
hold onto them

I see you in the halls sometimes
And thoughts go through my head
Memories flash, I'm taken back
Suddenly I'm filled with dread.
It's not some bad memories, no,
It's really only you
I wonder if you remember
Do you remember like I do?
Those talks we had, times we shared
Was it really just a show?
You were my friend, keyword were,
Tell me, why'd you have to go?
I miss you, dear
You're all I got
I know you're gone, and maybe you're glad
Listen dear, just know I'm not.
I lost a friend, a confidant
My very best and all
Just know I still remember
When I see you in the halls.

I could tell you a tale of a princess
But that would be wasting your time
These sad stories and love songs
Are empty promises I've come to find.
You can tell me a story of adventure
Where the superhero is an underdog
They came up from the back roads of nothing
Nothing like 'The Princess and the Frog'.
That's got an adventure, of course, it's a shame
Don't worry, I've thought it through
But they all end with happily ever after
Nothing like me and you.
I guess you could have an ending like that
If you lived forever inside
With a bubble, in silence, no talking or games
You can't always be happy if you tried.
So continue to tell me a tale of normalcy
A tale sort of true to my life
Tell me a tale of excitement
A gun battle, a hero with a knife.
I'm not looking for violence, no
Just something other than a dress
Princesses here don't go walking around
In nothing other than their best.
We don't ever get carriages
The princes don't come crawling back
We fall in love on our own time
Get out, just cut us some slack.
Society makes us to be porcelain dolls
Just replica Barbie and Ken's
Perfection doesn't come in a box anymore
Perfection is a group of brave men.
So tell me a story of those heroes
The ones that have been though it all
Don't tell me the story of a girl and 7 boys
Tell me a tale of the ones who stand tall.
Take me on an adventure into real life
Help me with the brunt of everything
Show me a princess and prince that has fought
Not the ones who just sit around and sing.

She knew better than that
Should've known not to fall for boys
Not to fall for him especially
To fall so deep into something
Deep into a pit he created
The pit he dug deep with words
That made her so tiny she couldn't escape
Made her even smaller than she already was
Small enough to see her bones
To see everything she had exposed
Everything except her heart
The heart that ignored her brain when it told her
She knew better than to fall for boys like that.

We're a mix of impossible genetics
Pooled together by a simple 'hello'
Two souls took the impossible chance
Thousands and millions of years ago.
So somehow the ******* the earth
Somehow said hello to the boy
And somehow millions of years ago
There began the story.
Along the lines of romanticism
It goes back to the beginning once again
Veering off the path of moonlight nights
And love is created in vengeance.
See, it all boils down to the simple hello
In a language known across all the seas
Had Fate not stepped it and drawn them
Well, maybe, we'd all never be.
Even millions of years ago, love ******
Hasn't really changed much since then
But these words that I write express much more than love
Express more feelings than written in pen.
So long ago, or in land unknown
It might not have gotten started like now
But everyone shares that one common thing
Much more love than our bodies can allow.
Across the world there's this small little light
This little light that can somehow poke through
And it's this one little common light in us
That bonds strangers like me and like you.
So take the chance like the first ones did
The first ones that said it so long ago
Buck up, my darling, muster some courage
Walk up there and say hello.

She wakes up in the morning, undignified
The night before, she closed her eyes,
Hoping not to see light again
Wishing the future would all just end.
Apparently she's trash- been told that all her life
Burying her thoughts, layered with stress and strife
She goes unnamed because nobody asked
Wishing again she could change the past.
Throughout her life it's problem after another
Only true best friends being her dog and her brother
Even then, she was certain, they did not care
She was changing her clothes and fixing her hair.
The little girl with dolls and pink in her room
Changed into a teenager- the workings in bloom
Had to grow up too fast and learn way too much
She quivers at the thought of wanting to be touched.
Her mind has evolved into ways we cannot see
Feeling like unwanted is less than she wants to be.
She's expected to be great, given jobs, another goal
No longer independent, it begins to take a toll
Her style grows more darker, her music takes a blow
Poems, art, and music tell you more than she can show.
Imagine going swimming, strap some weights on to your thighs
Put cement blocks on your ankles, sink quicker than you realize
Carry the whole world on your shoulders
Weigh your arms down with some boulders.
Now imagine trekking to the deep and the water inching up
You're in the real world now, not swimming in the bath tub
And now you're there, eye level, staring at Death's door
Turn back around to see that there's people on the shore.
Yell and scream and shout and them, "Hey, come rescue me!"
Acknowledging your presence is all it'll ever be
They look you in the eye and turn around and laugh,
The water in your eyes is tears (at least, more than half).
Pulled farther into the ocean, crying- punch and kick
They've got to come and save you- it's just one cruel trick
But soon enough you get it, they're not coming anymore
They'll leave you standing on the porch and Death's door.
This metaphor is her own, a story that she told
And now we know she'll preach it until she's growing old
Right now she doesn't get it, no, she cannot truly see
She's stood at the porch for a while but never got the key.
Easily she'd go in, if she'd just search real quick
Barge in his door with one easy flick
Right here she is not ready, there's brightness up ahead
Slowly her arms are emptying less and less with lead.
Even when she was drowning and nobody helped her through
She swam back up to live it, to live for me and you
She swam back up for the future and artist or writer
She swam back up because up above,
instead of darkness- it was brighter.

So in the end
These gates of white
Never could be darker
Roads to Hell
All paved in dirt
Is showing now the power.
And all my life
I've led the way
Kicked the rocks under my feet
Leading them
In streets so hot
The end taking them to meet.
These pearly gates
That laugh at us
These sinners, cold and weary
Hang our heads
But still we walk
Because I am not one for caring.
Hell is warm
But we are hot
Guess the killers a tan
Floating clouds
Above the sun
May not even get the chance.
And now I can't finish this poem
And maybe I will later
But I can't finish this poem
Because I don't know where I was going with it
Because the tears are refusing my view of the screen.

This 'system' here- it sure is funny
They're dictators in the pursuit of money
Good teachers, maybe, but leaders? No!
They're actors just ready to put on a show.
We get up, begrudgingly, angry every morning
Acting pretty whipped on these prisons we're boarding
We've gotten all pretty, gotten dressed- the whole lot
Setting ourselves up for no life lessons to be taught.
We act on our hormones and never question why
The boys are all laughing as the girl sits and cries
It's actually pretty cruel, if you think on it now
She pulls her pride together like her strength should allow.
High school can be scary, it's rough and it's mean
Just as horrible and funny as the bullies can be
There's homework and grades and competition galore
You get called names like ugly, nobody, and *****.
One day when I'm aging and look back at it here
One day on the porch, nope, I won't shed a tear
I'll remember my pictures and lockers and books
I'll remember when I melted from just a single look.
Remember the dresses, the dances, the games
Think of my self-confidence every day put to shame
Reminisce being me and trying to be cool
Sigh as I think of myself being a fool.
Because now it doesn't matter, I'm happy and me
High school was not like the movies made it seem
The actors ran around, they sang and they danced
We never saw what it'd be like to have your house refinanced.
It was the simplest things they never bothered to show
Like writing a check or tying a bow
The little important things is what I know now
High school is a joke- I just wonder how.

In the tendons and the ridges
In the knuckles under your skin
I find it perfectly treacherous
When it makes me take everything into consideration.
As if simply holding hands is to be raw
That this human impulse is more than just that
And to be intertwined with a person
Is to be connected with their world!
I am reminded of how treacherous it is
To think them,
To think anyone,
Is more than a person.
In the knuckles at the base of every finger
Is where I will find a lack of uniformity
And be reminded that imperfections
Will keep us human.
We are allowed to connect with others
We are allowed to enjoy non-uniformity!
But, if by chance, I get caught up
In the thought of being with someone
Who is anything more than human,
Committing the most treacherous and humanly crime possible
Will bring me right back down to being simply human again.

Streets as hot as metal
Where bodies turn to ice
Bullets litter cracked sidewalks
That broke the sad stoplights.
Laughs flood through the fences
With shattered slides and dreams
The man passed by this every day
With feelings that tested seams.
Every day, the same old thing
Drugs erupting from the bricks
Graffiti covering an old cafe
Crime makes this city tick.
Another young kid crying
For he hasn't got a home
Another car's been totaled
The wrath road rage has shown.
Another playground built again
Trying to make the town look clean
He can't ignore the orange jumpsuits
That stick around to plant some trees.
Blood stains here and flowers there
Take a stroll down Contrast Street
Ignoring grimy street vendors
Cause he's heard they've got the creeps.
Another gun shot in the air
Another cry for help
Another pretty restaurant
And people trying to convince themselves.
That maybe it's not happening
Someone will come along who cares
Someone else, take care of that!
Me? No, don't you even dare.
So I guess this can just keep happening
These walking contradictories
You're defeating your own purpose
We're losing, don't you see?

I would like to say that I am unlike the rest
But in saying that
I embody the rest
I would also like to say that I'm truthful
But in also saying that
I make myself good at lying
Dangerously good, in fact,
That I can make myself believe
I'm a good liar
And I think it would be nice to say
That I am bigger than what I think I am
That my ideas are more than ideas
But in saying that
I am both a liar
And honest
I am being both unlike the rest
And exactly like everyone else
Because we all believe we are bigger
But we can only believe that
For as long as we are honest with ourselves
Honest and lying,
Because thats what we are
I will be honest about this lie
About how we will wake up with these ideas
That are so much bigger than us
That are bigger than everyone else's ideas
So we can put them off
Until we better ourselves
Until we become richer others
Until we land the job
Until we quit the job
Until we meet our soul mate
Or until we are divorced
Whether we are waiting for a career
Or until tomorrow, when it's better than today
Or until we stop lying
Maybe when our dreams get smaller
So we think we can tackle them
Or maybe we're waiting for nothing
And maybe we're wasting time waiting
I'm going to stop honestly lying
About my dreams and ideas
That are bigger than myself
And adopt the motto,
"If not now, when?"

Never have I been so sane to realize
I am so insane that I am the only one to see
That this insanity is what makes me sane
This person I have come to be.
I've unlocked the key to an x-ray machine
And I can see all these broken, cracked bones
I held this here picture to the blinding light
Society is what I was shown.
And I am insane because these powers I have
Are blessings and weights in disguise
Because I understand these broken up cracks
That people have hidden from our eyes.
And I am insane enough to think it will change
Some cement and maybe a crutch or two
That a cast can mend up such a sad little world
It can change because I have thought it through.
I am sane enough to come to terms
With this is a world that a splint cannot fix
We live in a place that is too far broken and gone
We're too far insane in this mix.
And I am sane enough to figure it out
That I am merely one singular soul
A singular, broken, and determined little girl
That's insane enough to make the world her goal.

Maybe I should wake the neighbors up
Play my favorite song
And wait for them to interrupt
Maybe I should throw plates off the Grand Canyon
Scream to no one
Just because nobody told me I can't
Maybe I will appreciate someone for the fact
That they'll be the neighbor
That runs to sing to with me
Turns it up louder
Throws plates at walls
Screams just to hear their voice
And does things because nobody said
They can't.

I've been slowly coming to senses
About life and all its ways
Death and darkness, mortality
I will see the end of my days.
With this realization, see,
I'm seeing more and more
In life I've got to do nothing
But if not, it'd be a bore.
There is one thing that we all got
It's inescapable
You can fight and cry all you want
Eluding is incapable.
Someday we'll lay down six feet under
Dressed up for worms and dirt
Peaceful sleeping, no more worry
For a while your family will hurt.
There's only one thing we have to do
That's dying, there, you see,
The only thing we have to do
Is live, then cease to be.

When I travel, I find home.
Home is so strictly defined and constricted
****** in, forced to **** in,
Constrictions put forth by suffocating friends
Where small towns tighten the rope
It has placed around my neck.
I am the dog on the leash that is surrounded
By every tree and every ball in the biggest park
Who is tied to the tree and forgotten
Beaten and told to stay.
We grow up being force fed the idea of thinking small,
Staying small, working small, living small
But this world is too big to live small!
I travel and find the people that I call home
I find the shacks and shanties and weathered souls
And every single person you and I will meet,
Mutual or not,
Knows something that you and I don't know
And if that doesn't spark enough curiosity,
Get out of the house.
There is so much to learn and so much to absorb
And maybe your house is your home
Everyone, at some point, has a home,
Some just travel with you,
Others you have to find.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I want for nothing more than to bury thoughts deep
Escape the wretches the day has brought
The wars, the sadness, the world has wrought
If I pass away in peaceful sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake
No more days should I have to ache
For this world has kept me far too long
It is time to hear my mellow swan song
If my soul is pure enough before morning wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
The four corners to my bed,
Surround me with the utmost dread
I know there is nothing left for me
My soul is nothing more than a sad story
I'm sorry for whatever path my carriers must tread, to the
Four angels round my head;
Who should know that, in life, from my troubles I fled
A noble life is not one that I chose
But I'm ready for an ending, for angels, I suppose
One to watch and one to pray
So they will carry out my day
I will never see the morning light
I planned for dying on this night,
These angels will keep my suffering at bay, thankfully, there is
Two to bear my heavy soul away.

Your head is small, you know that?
Just smaller than a pin
And no matter just how much you try
You'll ever fit it in.
Not smarts and brains,
You've got that all
It's really something else
Imagination- just too big
You and everybody else.
Your thoughts and wants
Your hopes and dreams
They're dying to get out
They kick and punch and hit you
They yell and scream and shout.
There's times when you might let them slip
They giggle and they tease
They tickle at your insides
As you try to get them at ease.
But thoughts and dreams don't do that
See, they never quiet down
They want to show you colors and shapes
They strive to show you sounds.
The more you shove and push them
The more you fight and pout
The more they tickle, laugh, and tease
Come on, just let them out!
Imagine what those thoughts could do
Imagine the world here
So dark and dreary, cold and damp,
It's much worse than you fear.
But your dreams, you know,
The colorful ones
Don't color inside the lines
They're creative, different,
Amazing and new,
They'll make the whole world shine.
Darling, first please realize
Your head is just too small
Your thoughts and dreams
They want to get out
They want to color it all.

If friends and courage were a game,
I'd be losing.
If ******* up was the tryouts,
I'd have a guaranteed spot.
If the lonely kids were a team,
I'd be on varsity.
High school
And the sports in it
Is such
a
drag.

If a losing varsity team would allow it,
I'd rather take one instead.

From the golden streets of ancient Greece
To the cobblestone in Italy
These crumbling walls are breaking down
And open to set me free.
I want to leave this decrepit town
These weak and feeble streets
Escape the horror of my ways
Running too fast for my feet.
Maybe visit the Grand Canyon
Get back to New Orleans
For my cousin and her new baby
Drink in all these sights to see.
Michigan's pretty, but Flint's getting old
This ****** and crime needs to stop
Among all the violence and tragedy,
I've been clawing my way for the top.
But it's hard in a place so sad and angry
Where nobody seems to care
That's why I'll leave when I get the chance
So I can say I won't be returning there.
Please put the address on my box
And label it 'away'
That's the only place to go
Here I cannot stay.
I'd be leaving precious memories
Goodbye to summer, too
Maybe I'll find a better one
Or find a different you.
See ya to the teachers
That put me on the way
And adios to the people
That didn't tell me to stay.
I'll come back and visit
One day when I've been far
I'll have stories for you
Via planes and trains and cars.
I'll come see a football game
With the band I used to be
Reminisce on falls together
And call you up to see.
Because maybe you have left here too
You have the same old dreams
We were so alike, you know,
Wanderlust lovers, it seems.
I'll finish up what I have here
For now my dreams will wait
Get out and see the world with me
It's a chance I have to take.

The only thing worse than being bored
Is why
Because there's a world of things I can do
There is a backyard for me
And a field behind it
And a perfectly good road to walk down.
I have a dog
And a pen and paper
And papers that someone scrawled on
So I can immerse myself in fictitious problems
And imagine mine don't exist
But I have the audacity to say I have some.
There is a universe to study
Languages to learn
Math to ignore (because I hate it)
Religions to think about
And a ceiling that is in desperate need of staring at
Because it's been a few days since I've done that
But somehow
I'm being compelled to tap little squares
On a fancy opening book
With signals being sent and people waiting to read it.
And somehow
Even though there's all these amazing things happening
People meeting people
Crying, laughing, hugging
Exploring, calculating, and doing what they love
I am sitting here
And I am typing
And that's just what I want to be doing.