Today in English class we read Hamlet
By William Shakespeare
And Hamlet tells his lover
"I loved you once"
And it reminded me of you,
Except I still love you.

Or maybe I don't,
I'm not sure.
All I know is everything reminds me of you,
And you're still the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep at night.

I've written you so many poems and letters
That you'll never read
And even if you did, you wouldn't care.

I've been in a lot of fights with a lot of people
But none of them have ended better than "and even after everything I just want you in my arms right now"
And I remember staying up till 4AM with you that night,
Gasping for air and begging you to stay.
It was the first time you expressed any emotions for me- besides lust
But you still wouldn't say you loved me
And you still wouldn't say it after you left me
For my best friend and then came crawling back,
And you wouldn't say it after I told you how broken my heart was,
But I bet you said it to her when she was your homecoming date,
And I bet you scream it at the top of your lungs for her little sister now, don't you?

I've written this poem a million times but this one is the messiest, and my mind is messier.

I'd ask why you never said you love me but I know you didn't,
And I'm just glad I never told you I did.

953

A Door just opened on a street—
I—lost—was passing by—
An instant’s Width of Warmth disclosed—
And Wealth—and Company.

The Door as instant shut—And I—
I—lost—was passing by—
Lost doubly—but by contrast—most—
Informing—misery—

I can't take back the things that I did,
But I sure as hell wish that I could.
If I could, just turn around and apologize.
And make everything better, I would.
If I could sweep memories away,
Make it as if it had never happened.
I'd probably do it everyday.

But this isn't a fantasy,
It's a very real reality.
I should stop crying.
Stop denying.
Disappear.
I won't.


Because it's impossible.

I stopped writing when....

When I was no longer broken -
unlike before with a heart suffocated
suffocated with feelings left unspoken,
with little things gone complicated.

I stopped writing when...

When I was no longer burdened
with thoughts circling in my head,
and pain excruciating like no end -
snapped my spine through the things you've said.

I stopped writing when...

When I was no longer in love,
When I was no longer suffering the feeling of longing,
When I was no longer...

i think stopped loving you because I can't write about you anymore.*

You don't deserve to be the subject of my writing anymore.

I try to look brave, confident and strong
in front of everyone, it may be wrong.
It's because I learned to hide
what I really feel inside.
Even if it kills me, I am too proud
to show the real me to the crowd.
Unlike most people I always thought
it's better to have regrets than remorses.
So yes I'm dying behind my disguise
but you'll never see it through my eyes.