“The nightmare is that there are two worlds. The nightmare is that there is only one world, this one.” — Susan Sontag*

an embroidered dove flies off the fabric
that mother and sister kneaded
materializes into hopes and wants (needs)
for something better
something across continents (maybe)
does the future see you and me (alive?)

does it see our land
full
open
devoid of checkpoints
of armed tanks
of blood and curfews
that seems to pool years into months.

if i hide in this cart of oranges
close my war-stained eyes
i can be transported
and
information will fasten itself to me like a seatbelt
and
i will find the three jewels to win your heart

in bed,
i am transformed into
a robin
i fly away
soaring so high i could see what it was like
before
billowing away to the rhythm of the tablas.

I may not be as
horrible as hunger burning
like salt in a wound
or as
cruel as centuries of colonizers
but I can be almost
as unbearable.

When the weight and wrath
of reality seeps in,
I spew it out.
I take others along for
a weeping woeful ride,
knowing all too well that
my universe of pain is so intense
that they would live in it too.

I saw no problem with this
until the wrath was no
longer mine but the world’s.

Now I try to
sit with the feeling
instead of becoming it.
I never want to be
the one who does not
get to collect
a new harvest of mangoes
worrying about the rain.

I’m living through a pandemic.
The sum of our daily lives has been reduced to monotony
that renders me insane some mornings and free the next.
I awake to news of just-discovered symptoms,
and incoherent ramblings of injecting Lysol from that man
and the susceptible deaths of the poor and the Black –
at least some things never change.
I have come to savor the simple pleasures
of food, fresh air and do-nothings.
Yet, my body finds a craving for chaos,
the feeling of running with your eyes wide shut.
I stay inside, my house and myself,
and feel, feel, feel.
A thing no one has time for in a world for profit.
A thing we have all the time in the world to do these days.

My day

is

slumbering till my limbs are ready to move

drinking enough water to start a river

dicing the base to the best dishes (skellion and bell peppers).


I stick my head out

for mists of air

arm myself with hand sanitizer

and endlessly walk around at supper time.

I am anxious                                                 I am grateful.


Stillness has made me recognize

a new gnawing in my bones

a seething underneath my skin.

A desire to create the uncreated

to produce gold

haunts us all

like a disease.


But

it’s okay

to be mundane

to be like silver.

I want to reach inside myself

and hug this consuming thing,

quell it.

Tell it all I will do is

obey my nocturnal desires

dance to the music of our now-future

listen to the grumbling of the Metrorail

watch the ritual of trees

and sleep.

All around me were revolving doors, thousands of them, but somehow, she found me. Or maybe I found her. Fire ravaged my soul like indigenous lands but still I trusted god, put my knees in the dirt and asked for a love so strong it could soothe a blaze, stop a war.

I needed love to bathe me in a crepuscular light then send me
giddily running to the moon. I needed a love that had my nose
and eyes and lips. I stood in pools of tears seeing migrant
children be reunited with their parents, cameras cocked and aimed like guns ready to capture the crime scene they created. Colored bodies filled prisons and the earth. They needed love too.

Thank the baby blue heavens for her. She appeared one February amid a terrible time, casually strolled over to me like death to disease-ridden soldiers. The water in the air sparred with the crispness of a fading winter, a doldrum that could only be killed by springtime beauty clashed with my Capricorn/I-can’t-help-that-I-need-to-feel-productiveness, a tyrant fighting any faint sign, plan, idea, microscopic bacteria of progress.

We’ve both cut ourselves open and tasted our own blood. Brown eyes sunken from seeing/feeling/being too much. But this love could be salvation. With every kiss planted and every crevice found, I feel seen. With her, my body is not theirs, not a battleground but sacred land. When she takes me into her mouth like holy communion, I know she’s worth the sacrifice.

We lie together, dark-skinned limbs so intertwined, respiratory systems so in sync we could be one. They demonize us the same anyways. I hear sirens and protests but it’s soft, like hushed turbulence. The sound of her heart beating as fast as mine was louder. Our hands clasped like we were still praying for each other, for the world.

In a quaint town in St. Mary,
I spotted an old lady with a kaleidoscope tied around
her waist and falling to her ankles
selling mangoes.
Behind her were strokes of shades of blue, white,
beige and seaweed-green--- this was not the place I
planted my umbilical cord. One minute, I stood on
the tip of my toe, body and left foot firmly in Kingston.
The next, I extended my right and reached across the
island. City chatter evaporated into seawater and mosquitos.
The potholes and gullies that hold water like soup stayed.
I stepped out of the vehicle, onto the new asphalt, never
taking my eyes off the gold, but the sound of a gunshot
stopped me. Nanny appeared; dark linens draped all over her
temples and torso, gold bullet lodged between shining teeth
that hinged on black gums.
Where do you think you’re going? Night will break but there
will still be cranes in the sky.
She sounded like my grandmother, but I didn’t feel like listening.
I continued on my path
to the orange-yellow mounds
but fell into a round
hole. Down there, I saw Bogle, a preteen being *****,
Tupac and lots of duppies. My hands
became bloodstained from fresh slits on my arms. The
heat from five hundred thousand eyes made my palms wet.
A white witch, the one from Rose Hall, started singing.
She knocked back two shots of vinegar and *****.
One for health and one for strength she said. Then, a shadow
offered the potion to me. I chugged it and came back to life.
It tasted like blood and sweat.
Why did I even bother doing my makeup?
Black eyeliner, now smudged, guarded my eyes,
keeping a pool of tears in its place. Fenty foundation,
running and brown like me. The mountain of orange-
yellows, reds and greens loomed before my tired eyes
like future skyscrapers. The woman was hidden by it
but I still could still feel her smile.
How much?
For you, free.
As I unmounted the mountain into my bag, the woman
was revealed to be me.

In a crocus bag, I remembered home.

The familiar flush of a Saturday’s work
we would fry some green plantains
and head to town.
Women with long, billowy skirts and red handkerchiefs wrapped around their heads line the street.
Some pumpkin, cho-cho, a bag of pimento seeds
carrots, Irish potatoes, scallion and a piece of thyme are bought
The threaded lines of blood, sweat and tears
bring home a bowl.

When there is no water to fill our basins and buckets,
we get up before the roosters.
To bathe, drink, wash, live
the assorted empty plastic containers get acquainted in the bag
on their way to the pipe.

A tablespoon of sugar for my fever grass tea
The zinc fence that cut a portal on my leg
A sip of Saturday’s soup
A container for other containers.

I am chasing this thing that
always
eludes me. In the day he openly
embraces Man.
See, they’ve known each other for centuries,
shoulder to shoulder,
unrelenting hand in unrelenting hand
as they dance betwixt the world of fantasy and pain.
A universe I know all too well.
A courtesy we could never have.

Matta still in my eyes, limbs sore from just being born,
naivete radiating from my skin.
I trail, inquire, plead—
he laughs in my face before evaporating
observe.

I have a plan.

I could forfeit my mind, let ambition and sense
seethe through my temples. Knees the color of
my behind from crawling through the mud.
Pungent fertilizer gathering underneath my nails
as I plant hibiscus, mint and poinciana in a Man’s
garden. My body falling apart and together at the
calloused hands of my oppressor.

There must be another way.

I turned to the sky,
they know us Women well.

Every thirty moons, I offer up a sacrifice.
Take this crimson sea between my anchors
that Mother ordained.
Take it and give us strength.

He eludes me still.

I fight and I protest
and I bawl and I break down
and I stand up and I smile
and I make love to anyone capable of loving.
I am still searching.
Tactile, hard and brown like an egg’s shell
you can’t see this soft, permeable mass
yet it lives, survives.
*But the chase is over.

I think God is calling me
Life is much too violent, too fleeting
to be walking without light
but it's not a soothing call
it's not dresses that cover my shoulders and knees
or hymns
or holy communion
It's not Mama waking me up to Milo and crackers
It is a command
that thundered within me
yet I heard it whispering to a part of me that I thought died years ago
A call to order
For me
From me

you and I are somewhat like a beat and a tune
so different but melodic together
and you are The Beat
I wanna wake up to your sound every day
bask in the vibration of your bass and feel it radiate through me
and you are harmonious, you arise everyday to provide the planet with warmth and unity
And I adore that
This tempo of yours burns like glittering stars
And I admire that
You are just fine by yourself but now I want us to be one
Don't elude me, we are meant to be together
Cause I'm something like The Tune
I am that hum enlightens the earth
and serves as a companion for all souls
but when I climb up to Heaven and I am being crooned by the gods
I realize I unify the whole world too
but I can't do it alone
See, the world wants to hear our cadence and I can't wait for the moment we touch and the sky shines gold with our song
One day while cruising the universe we will meet
cause sometimes I like to think of the beat and tune as lovers
Hypnotic, passionate equally but beautiful together
but there's a time they do catch up and they kiss
and the world stares in awe of their music

The thing that scares me about poetry and just art overall is that no one has to like it. They don't have to understand you and comprehend what's going on inside of you. But we do it anyways in hopes that someone out there will stumble upon it and the earth will shake and their heart will smile and it will change them like it changed you. Nothing is guaranteed in art. And that's why I love artists so much. They're so brave. They put their heart and soul out there and hope someone will say "Oh hey I feel this way too." Artists deserve way more credit for they represent the human experience.

The process of art-making scares me but it's liberating.

flow like a river, rumble like the sea
where there is freedom, we will try to be

at the bottom of the Sea, they laid sands of promise and dignity
declaration of independence and the emancipation of slavery
we had high hopes of what we could be
and I believe we fulfilled it...partially
why partially you might say?
we've come from far but the Waters are musky and filled with decay
they tell you that you can have rights as long as you swim their way
the illusion they created is slowly fading away

but how dare you tell us where to swim when we live in a Sea
a Sea that's vast with sharks and oppurtunities
we are ubiquitous, we are Water, we are everywhere in this place
so why are we defined by status and race?
we are ubiquitous, we are Water, we have the ability to be
so why is the very air we breathe killing us slowly?
we are ubiquitous, we are Water, we hold dear life in our existence
but the sharks still come after us with absolute persistence
they make us look shallow but our Waters are deep
Genocides, discrimination and the slave trade, in our soil have seeped

Martin Luther King told us to use peace to heal our scars
so why are we always the driving force in wars?
I recall the Constituition having ideals based on equality
But life seems indefinitely harder for minorities
Oh sure we have a right to protest and assemble peacefully
But didn't I see blacks being tear-gassed while marching for Mike Brown in the streets?
Oh yes we are supposed to be a big, bad, free Sea
while our Waters are restricted, racist and murky

Maya Angelou told us she knows why the caged bird sings
through his efforts, he had hoped freedom will one day ring
they talk about us as pretty lakes and rivers that peacefully flow
but see there's an angry volcano erupting below
And our waters will never be clean until that volcano erupts
Ashes of repentance that will manifest into an island that's not corrupt

flow like a river, rumble like the sea
one day freedom will reign and that's where we'll be.....
hopefully

today someone asked me what my mother was like
I hesitated
Do I talk about her appearence
About how life and the heat of Jamaica has watered her down to a mere 110 pounds
or about how her lovely mischievious eyes have sunken, aching to escape this world
or maybe about the way she looked at me with pain and remorse because she can't provide a meal
No I should talk about her personality
I should tell them she's very family oriented
She will gladly con any man and spew sweet lies into their ear if it means putting food on the table
And that she loves to dress me up as if I'm a doll and take me out like I'm the only prize she has ever won in her life
I should definitely tell them that she has become the men that hurt her
Now all she does is lie and leave
I will tell them she has given up on all hope of finding true love
And that the only thing that gets her through life is her Bible and a knife
I ponder all these things but I just finally say
"She's nice"

The irony of this weather
the sun is shining but yet the rain comes pouring
isn't that a testament to how ****** up life can get?
euphoria can dwell in your soul
but the disease of melancholy will still attack

I dont know I guess I'm just tired of loving people who are not capable of loving me the way I deserved to be loved. You know I've always walked with my heart on my sleeve and I've always been proud of it. There's a lot of lost souls out there with so much anger and pain living inside of them who just want a ******* hug and someone to talk to. And I apply that to my love life. You never know what's happening inside, what hurt they've been harboring in their hearts. I give the full extent of my love to anyone my heart connects with. I guess that's pretty ****** cause it hasnt been on my side lately. And that's why we're here. I dont want much. I just want someone who can love me as much as I love them, and if I'm lucky, maybe even more. **** the jealousy rants and petty arguments. If the love is there then things arent that bad. Why can't you see that I love you so much? Why can't you see that I would sneak out at 12 am with you and go nowhere just to be with you. Anything to make you happy, I would try to do that. I mean I'm capable of giving you so much support, emotionally, mentally anything. I have so much love inside of me to give, all I'm asking for you to is just to reciprocate that energy back to me. tell me how I make you feel, how much I mean to you. Is that too much to ask?
I know I should leave you alone cause you will never be able to love me like I love you but you're the one thing that gets me up in the morning. how do I leave that?

I knew this was coming for a while, I just never expected it so soon
you know they say a woman's intuition is always right and it just proved to be true
there was always this feeling in the pit of my stomach that kept on telling me
"he'll find someone better than you", "you're just not enough"
but I ignored it, I wanted to believe it was a lie
cause honestly I love you man and I wanted us to work so bad
I saw so much in potential in you, in us and what we could be
but you broke my heart and the house I had in you
cause lately there's an emptiness in my chest and I'm homesick
but tell me how am I supposed to move on?
but how do you walk away from the one thing that held you together?
before you I was those dead brown leaves on the ground
being stepped on after I was already dead
You filled my hollow heart with happiness and laughter
your smile was enough to light cites on fire
and it's already burning me alive too
but part of growing up is learning how to save yourself and walking out that fire alive and conscious
my last words to you were I hope you're happy and you said "no I'm not"
well that makes two of us

love is irreversible. if ever real, you can’t just wake up one day and decide you don’t want to love anymore. it can fade yes, disappear, no

the heartbreak from a true love never really dies
that feeling follows you throughout your whole life
everything reminds you of them
you see a flower and it reminds you of the beauty of their soul
that gleam in their eyes is reminiscent of the moonlight
and you cant help but to wonder if that sparkle in his eyes left the day you did
thoughts of him wake you up and terrorizes you at 3 am
and you suddenly remember he has killed you
you're not really living
you could probably smoke with a ghost and still have more death in one puff than he did in his whole being
the heartbreak from a true love diminishes your soul
that feeling follows you throughout your whole life
and you can only hope that there is someone out there to wake up your soul and bring you back to existence

you said you had needed time and space
as if I hadn't given you enough of that already
I had sensed that my love was suffocating you
so I eased up to let you breathe
I didn't want your respiratory system to collapse
because of my emotions
but how do you explain leaving me because
of the very thing you wanted
you said you didn't want a girlfriend anymore
and that was like a stake to my heart
because I had been much more than that
I had become apart of you
I was the one who opened the gateway to your soul
I was the one who ended your drought
and I let my ship sail into your harbor with no regrets
but I guess some ships were meant to sink
see I gave up and tossed my heart into the sea a long time ago
but this morning a piece of it washed up ashore
that's how I know there is still hope
so maybe we weren't right for each other then
maybe we'll meet when we're better for each other again

being in love is a such a celestial feeling
you're on an emotional high off their passion
and their kisses are like a neverending acid trip

being in love is such a mysterious feeling
the normal routine of your body changes
you now move to the beat and rhythm of their existence
and their voice is enough to make you shiver uncontrollably

being in love is such a beautiful feeling
you can feel a flower blossoming in your heart
and it's like a light has been shone on your soul
and a whole new person has been born

but being in love is such a scary feeling
you start to forget all about yourself because all you feel is them
they can **** you with all their words
and the home you built in them can be destroyed

love is a kaleidoscope of emotions
don't ever fear it
because it's better to have lost love
than not to love at all

love is the most liberating feeling your body will ever come to experience. it’s beautiful on so many levels
scary, dangerous
but the rush is what we live for

life is just unfair sometimes. once in a blue moon a human can find their soulmate. they may not know it but their hearts already do. every time they're with each other, you can feel the connection and the energy overflowing between them. but no one ever said relationships were easy. two people could be meant for each other and still break up. and that ***** me up inside. whatever happened to compromise and persistence? why can't we think about and consider other's emotions but ourselves? why we can't we just swallow our pride sometimes? If two people can be all that they need and they still part from each other, what hope is there for me? What hope is there for humanity? We get so caught up in life and feeling ourselves that we forget the one we need. we stop doing what's necessary to keep them. we need to be more human and less being. stop stressing over the little things, forgive silly mistakes and move on. we need to go back to the days when love was pure and unconditional.we play so scared when it comes to love, so guarded we’ve become that we don’t even trust ourselves. that’s worst than all fears. so just let go and breathe. cherish what and who you have in your life now because regrets can destroy you. don't become a dead soul. love someone

you can't say I never tried
i stayed with you through the most challenging times
i stayed with you when all around me wanted me to leave
all I ever did was ride for you until you crashed the car
at one point you cared but then you just stopped
our sun was shining then the rain poured down
a flood came and it washed away your feelings
and it washed away you
don't try to pretend you care
that facade is poorly made
I know you babe and I know when things have changed
there's no more anticipation in your voice when we talk on the phone, no enthusiasm
a 'hey' and 'sup' is all I get these days
So I'm packing up all my feelings and I'm leaving
you're not happy and that's not making me happy
I summed up all my courage to leave you
so you can be happy
cause you deserve that much, and so do I
I hope you know that every single fiber of my being loves you
and I hope you find someone who loves you so much more
that you will give all you have
do for her what you couldn't do for me.

what if we weren't just another doomed love story
what if we were actually meant to be
what if you and I were meant to be something great
we could've been but now it's late
when you left you drained every little bit of me
my world of fantasy was shattered by your reality
I thought you and I could prosper
but I guess even forever isnt forever
before you I was a roaming ghost
and you came and revived my existence
you completed my sentence but I was just a fragment to you
the stars aligned it
our fate was sealed
I don't know why you would want to leave
what we had was real
but in your heart I lived
and in your heart I died
where we invest our love
we invest our life

you are a ******* paradox
no one is what they seems these days
life is a such misconception and you're apart of it
I built a home in you and I regret the day I ever did that
cause all I ever was to you was a cheap motel room
I believed in you so much
you had me at a point where I would forsake the whole world if you asked me to
and then you left
i shifted all my organs around to make room for your heart so
what do you mean you don't wanna stay?
you destroyed me
and that's why you're a paradox and
love is a paradox
life is a paradox
because the thing that brought me peace started a war inside of me

I never once found solace in the daytime
It's too bright, too revealing
I'm afraid the sun might shine and the heat will slowly melt off my facade
and you end up seeing the depths of my soul
exposing yourself is dangerous
you open up yourself to all types of feelings and emotions
and I'm not ready to deal with that
I don't want to be the girl who sells her soul because it's no longer useful
And I'll never give my soul to a lover again
Cause they always leave
and that's why I fell in love with the moon
because it faithfully showed up, night after night
so that's why my mind is as dark sky with infinite thoughts like the stars
and wherever the sun sets and darkness falls
I'll go because wherever it is, that's my home

I'm trying to save us. I'm trying to keep us from falling apart
Cause to be honest you're something like the moon
thoughts of you always chase me at night and no matter how fast I run,
you always catch me
It's inevitable, you're inevitable
My dad always wondered why my room never had no light
and I told him I want my room as dark as my soul
He would roll his eyes and open the blinds but I didn't need the sunlight
You already illuminated somewhere within me
You dug your way inside me, planted a light bulb
that beams day and night and grew into flowers of euphoria
I like what you did to me. I like being happy
That's why I've been so paranoid lately
Cause I sense the end is near
and if it is, I don't wanna die alone
so please don't let me self destruct
and demolish us

he said I felt like Heaven
I guess that was the reason why he kissed me like he was searching for God
As if my neck and lips were some gateway to a divine world
you said the warmth of my hands on your ice-cold skin made you see things not of this world
was it that why you grabbed my hips like it was the key to your salvation?
my body is a holy temple but my thighs can't rescue you
Don't mistake it for the Lord
because if I can't save my own soul, how can I save yours?

                                                       k.h.

this is not even a poem
this is what I want
I want you to make love to me
I want someone to write poems on my skin with their lips
I want you to kiss me so hard that we start to breathe the same air
hold me so tight that I can literally feel your love
grab my hips with such passion that I feel it burning through your fingertips
crave me so hard that I can see the longing in your eyes
make me feel it when you touch me
and take your time, why do people like to rush nowadays?
explore my skin and show me things I never knew was there
i will leave scratches on your back and bruises on your heart
I just wanna feel your skin on mine and kiss your lips and make you forget all of the bad things in the world for a little while
so let’s love each other so hard that we get distracted and forget about who broke us for a little bit
and don't give me any flowers
make them grow inside me

                                        k.h.

its practically now summer and i'm unnaturally hot. I'm wondering if its because of Miami's blaring sun or the way your words ignite a fire within me. I mean this feeling is weird, mostly because I gave up on happiness a long time ago. I used to think people are unpredictable like storms and I know now that people are storms. And nothing good comes from storms. Quite frankly I'm tired of grey clouds and thundering rain. they brought me hurricanes and deathly sadness. but you changed me and made me think of what comes after the storm. maybe its a rainbow or just the plain glowing sky but whatever it is I wanna see it and I am willing to endure the desolation to get to the good part. you did that. you did it when no one could. you opened me up to a kaleidoscope of emotions that I didn't wanna feel again and its scary. sometimes you make me feel like you're chasing me in an endless tunnel and your eyes become the color of midnight but then I come to a halt when I see the glorious burnt hue of the sunset gleaming in your eyes. I was about to pick a leaf from this tree and you told me to stop and I thought it was the most beautiful thing ever. Leaves only thrive and live when they're attached to a tree. Pick them off and they die and I find it so **** that you saved that leaf. I'm glad you prevented that death cause you might be able to prevent mine. You are just like vanilla ice cream on a scorching July afternoon and I pray that summer never ends

k.h

you and I are somewhat like the sun and moon
so different but golden together
and you are The Sun
I wanna wake up to your presence every morning
bask in your glow and feel your light bathe me
and you're kindhearted, you arise everyday to provide the planet with warmth and gleam
And I adore that
This sky-fire of yours burns like my glittering stars
And I admire that
You illuminate the whole world but now I want you to illuminate me
But you always elude my chase
Cause I'm something like The Moon
My silver, meek shine enlightens the universe
and serves as a companion for little sad souls
but when I'm climbing up to Heaven and gazing down at Earth
I realize I illuminate the whole world too
but I can't illuminate my own self
See, the night was made for loving and I can't wait for the moment we touch and the sky shines burnt orange with our love
I hope one day while cruising in the heavens we meet
cause sometimes I like to think of the sun and moon as lovers
who rarely meet, always hunt each other and almost always miss each other
but once in a while they do catch up and they kiss
and the world stares in awe of their eclipse

                                                      k.­h.

my heart still aches in pain at the sound of your name
I feel the same way about you as I did when we first met
When I see you there is no girlish excitement
Just a torturous feeling of anxiety
Why did you ever leave me?
I'm mad at myself
for not fighting for us
I wish I had
but maybe it was for the best
maybe we're better off not together
I wish I could just forget about you
but there are some people who will never leave your mind
they say hope is grief's ultimate music
well I sing that sad song everyday
as time goes by I have come to face reality
it seems you have done the one thing that I've failed to do:
Move on

I don't know about you but I'm full of perfect imperfection
And that I'm not afraid to say
All of my being, every single section
Is beautifully built that way

This doesn't bring me down, it only gives me inspiration
To fulfill my destiny and try to be
Like the majestic horizon
Beaming like the sun for all to see

I have failed in the past and experienced defeat
And this I won't deny
But I've prevailed and got back up on my feet
I didn't stay down and cry

Despite of my previous mistakes, I deserve the best
Love, pleasure, care and attention
I will not tolerate any less
Just because of my imperfection

I look around in this dark dungeon
and the sweet music of death is playing
life walks by, stops and eyes me
Its silouhette giving me a last taste

wicked spirits invade my body and take me to a place
where regret and sorrow dwell
the angels in my mind scorn at the sight and leave
why are these spirits oppressing my thoughts?

swords and daggers lay on the ground
I tremble at the thought of never being free
Guilt is such a merciless monster
When will I ever have sweet serenity?

my soul begs for repentance
the demons fall at my feet and disappear
my angels return, glorifying
life gives me a second chance

The day I saw you there was something so enigmatic about you
I was mystified and intrigued at the same time
I mean you were interesting and I was curious
and it was the mere fact that your eyes told stories I wanted to hear

I wanted to more than know you
I wanted us to get lost in each other's minds
connecting on levels deeper than the depths of the ocean
in only ways we could understand

So I fell in love with you because you loved me
even when I couldn't love myself
I love you cause you love all the pieces of my soul, even the dark ones
I not only love the person you are
but the person you have the potential to be

So how do you know you're ready to love?
You don't. It just hits you like a wave you never see coming
but the water doesn't drown you
Instead you just breathe

Sometimes I feel uncomfortable in my own skin
It's like this chocolate shell is slowly killing me from within
Sometimes I think about taking up that cream and bleaching my skin
But it's only gonna lighten my complexion while the light inside me is still dim
Sometimes I wonder why I get left behind just because I'm not light
I mean we're from the same race, aren't we supposed to unite?
sometimes I think something is wrong with me because I'm not light
I guess the lighter girls at school feel sorry for me which is why they act so contrite
People pick up the book entitled me and they see a dark-skinned girl who is free
And they just put it down because they can't bother to read
But I don't want someone who worries about the knots in my hair and the cornrows
I want someone who's not afraid to run their fingers in the knots of my soul
So why can't you love me for my big lips and round brown eyes
And my wide hips and shapely thighs
Why cant you see that I'm beautiful, I'm confused
Don't you know that I reflect you in all my hues
Brown, caramel, black and all that's in between
We're all just the same if you know what I mean.

what I like about you:
                                       the way your smile glitters like colored stones in the sun, the fact that you give me the sweetest compliments at the most unexpected times, the fact that we've been friends since high school started, how cute you look when you wear your hat turned backwards, the way you make my heart pulsate with ecstasy when you say I love you, that good morning text you sent me the day after we first got together and the way we laugh and talk like two old drunkards catching up on old times.

what I don't like about you:
                                               your disappearing acts, the fact that you always like other girls' pictures and not mine, the way you try to escape our serious talks, the way you dodged Chelsea's question about if you really love me, the fact that you don't wanna admit that you're not sure about how you feel about us, the way you laughed when I told you I missed you so much that I literally felt pain, how you don't crave to hear my voice as much as I crave to hear yours and the way how you make me feel like silent chaos when you're gone.

I'm here thinking about you and this situation of ours
and I feel an intense throbbing in my head
It came so suddenly with such ferocity, I decided to take a hot shower
The warmth of it always seems to make my pain evaporate
like the water as it touches my skin
and as it touches me, I get a revelation
A revelation so powerful, the water becomes even more heated
it's like the throbbing in my head was God knocking on the door
of my common senses and asking me kindly to wake up
Wake up and smell the roses?
No wake up and get moving
Cause all the roses are withered and dying sweetie
He tells me to remember that thinking of yourself isn't always selfish but necessary
God was telling me to save myself from the tornado that's coming
don't get ****** in by him, don't get caught in his whirlwind
Let go if you have to
The water becomes too hot and I turn it off
And I suddenly hear a commanding voice say
*"Make the throbbing stop"

and no one has it easy
                 we're all either heading for a storm,
                 just coming out of a storm
or in the midst of one.

its 2 am
and my mind is on a highway speeding
while my body is asleep

hope is a tree

                                                           ­         you may cut it down


but it must grow again

do you know what it feels like to be dead inside?
maybe it's when the rain becomes your tears that washes away everyone's fears but yours
do you know what it feels like to wake up and wonder why you're not dead?
maybe its when you realize that someone ripped out your heart and threw it away?
do you know what it feels like?
I don't think you do
Cause you've never given someone your whole heart and have it stepped on in return
You've never stayed up late just to make sure someone was alive
Have you?
Would you give a lung to them just so you could feel them breathe?
Would you give a leg for them just so they could stand up for you?
Would you give a eye for them just so they could see how happy you are to have them?
Would you give your heart to them just so they could at least feel a portion of the love you have for them?
If so, you know how I feel cause you feel it too
and I'm sorry
Because I'm broken in ways I can't even explain.

right at this moment I just despise you . I hate your ******* guts. I wish I could break every bone in your body so you could feel the pain I felt when you left me. As I think of that terrible time , I can feel the tears coming , I can feel that surge of water coming forward in my eyes
do you know how much you hurt me that cold August day? I remember the exact words you said to me. I started shaking uncontrollably yet I couldnt move.

I was in hell for the next year. I was loving you and destroying myself at the same time while you were out living your life. I was dead ever since August 25, 2012
but then on June 2013 I met someone who made me dare to love again. I was scared as hell to step out on that ledge but he made me go. I was now willing to take the chance to self-destruct myself again
He brought me so much joy , it was refreshing to see the enthusiasm at which he loved me. He understood all my insecurities; in fact he accepted it. He did everything you failed to do

Now you wanna interfere with our relationship? I will never let you break us up no matter what. If our relationship is gonna end its not gonna be because of you, we gonna end it on our terms

You killed me already. Leave me alone now. Please
Let me live in peace

when I'm sixteeen, I will start to wonder why we ever dated, what I ever saw in you.

When I'm seventeen, the thought of me will be far from your mind but traces of the memory of us will still linger.

when I'm eighteen , we both will be entering new chapters of our lives and will forget all about each other. The world will be our seashore

when I'm nineteen , maybe I'll think of going back to Jamaica and face you

when I'm twenty, I'll come back to Jamaica and our eyes will meet again and our energy will start to overflow and feed each other

when I'm twenty-one , i'll be questioning my sanity as the thought of wanting you and you not wanting me will begin to drive me to the edge

when I'm twenty-two, my career will bloom gracefully and simply writing about you will bring me pleasure and nostalgia

when I'm twenty-three, I'll believe that if we just faked it enough we could trick ourselves into believing that we're still in love and can actually be together.

when I'm twenty-four , reality will hit me in the face and I'll finally realize that we will never be what we used to

when I'm twenty-five, I'll wash the dirt off my knees and open my eyes and leave you behind.

earth would be a cold place

bitter and revengeful

somewhat like how it is now but more harsh

How long does it take to fall in love with a person?
is there a preferred amount of time?
are they any rules to follow?
If so I've broken all of them
and gladly so when it came to you
just two months into meeting you
and you've re-ignited a flame within me
you were a good break from what I was used to
it's quite nice to have someone normal for a while
i think i like normal
our conversations about little or nothing
meant so much to me
when you hugged me for the first time , i literally felt your heart
accelerating as my body was pressed against yours
we grew so close it was almost as if
the blood that cursed through your veins now flowed through mine
we have had trials so far
but somehow we managed to get pass them
you're not perfect, it's not hard to see
but together we just might be.