Every moment we spend living and experiencing, shapes and develops us. The moment you fall in love
The moment your heart breaks
The test you fail
The test you ace
We are all the bookkeepers of our own lives
Looking for the balance to keep us standing upright
Of course this scale may tip to one side or the other from time to time, But as always balance can be achieved

I wish you guys loved me enough to be here for me.
I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted.
I'm sorry that I'm not worth a family. I'm sorry that I'm useless and worthless.
I'm sorry that I cant make you guys happy.
I want nothing more than to go back in time and live forever in the moments where I felt like we were all a family.
Because now the only thing i want to do is disappear and stop existing so I dont have to feel so alone.
I want to stop pretending that I'm ok, I want to stop pretending that I dont feel empty and dead on the inside.
I want to stop pretending like I dont feel abandoned and left in the dust.
I want to stop loving you guys because it only tears me into pieces everytime I try and I'm left with nothing but stifiling anxiety that I no longer matter to you guys.
I dont know you guys anymore. And no one cares. That's the part the really kills me. That I sit here and cry until my head feels like exploding because everyone leaves me.
Everyone replaces me. I'm always number 2 and I just want to feel normal. But I cant. Because these ghost haunt me.
In my dreams, in my life, in my love, in my hate.
These ghost have taken every inch of me.
Suffocating me.
Frozen fingers splayed across my neck, they choke me.
Until I cant speak.
Until I'm silenced by the viciousness of which it steals my light.
It brings me to the other side and pulls my hair, punches me, stabs me.
Until I bleed.
But only for a minute and then I wake up, drenched in sweat.
Promising myself that I will never feel again.
I wish so intensely that my bones quiver.
I wish so much that my luck is gone. Just wishing that I could be apart of you again.
That I could come from somewhere. But I was born alone.
Born to ghost that dance at night. Unseen but heard as chilling noises in the night.
Untouched but felt as cold breath across your back.
I was born to ghosts and secrets that cage me.
A ghost is a wish.
And I wish I could exist.

Beginnings and endings
Marked by unique tombstones
Each a fingerprint
Of great creators

Inside
I battle
My voice is weak
While SHE has been loud

Talking constantly
To bring me down
Speaking in tongues
That bring black clouds

My heart has beat
With bullet holes
Gushing inklings
Of doubt

Into my body
It took over me
Stole who I was
supposed to be

Took years off my life
In the form of
Smoke and knives

And now I talk back
At the one who
Brings me down

Now I scream back
Her voice
I drown

I'm me again
No one else is
Around

I'm free again
These feet on
Solid ground

I'm sorry
For all the hate
All the anger
The confusion

I'm lost
Not very sure
Trying to keep up

Something new
Is around every corner
Threatening
Sometimes sweet

It tests me
Test my love
My faith in myself

Its shaking me
Stirring me
STAND UP

But I still love
I forgive
I'll try again

So should you
I believe
I care

You can do it
The dream
Lives in our veins

When I awakened
There was nothing left
Not soul on Earth
Not a single breath

I looked outside
With dread and sorrow
At the empty streets
There is no tomorrow

My fingers shook
With fear and pain
To see my brothers,
Broken and slain

I am the survivor
The guilt came fast
How could I have lived
When all have passed?

I sank to my knees
My head back in despair
I folded my hands
And sent out a prayer

Please take me too
The guilt is too much
Without friends or family
Who're warm to the touch

An angel appeared
A bright swirling light
With a voice that said
"Please live and fight

Although the day seems dim
There is still hope to bear
For you're not the only one
Who wanders in despair

There is one more
Shes kind and not afraid
She will bring a light inside
That's just as bright as day"

I dared to rest my eyes
On the swirling mass of light
In its reflection
It was me ready to fight

I am kind and not afraid
I am as bright as the light of day
I am strong and I will fight
With all my heart and all my might

I am torn
Inside my head
Where thoughts are worn
And turned to shreds

This sunken heart
Inside my chest
Is torn apart
And laid to rest

Whispers call me
In depths untouched
Speaking calmly
In foreign tongues

I'm losing sight
I'm falling down
The light is bright
From on the ground

Goodnight I say softly
Goodbye I suppose
These sad atrocities
That I have chose

Have tucked me in
And closed my eyes
Where night begins
And I have died