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pretty eyes
won't you let me in
past the walls
you've built around
your tender heart
February 14th
Another day in another year
Same old thing
Always lonely
Wasting my day with
Stupid games and movies
Wishing, hoping
Maybe it'll be different this year
But it never is
There are so many things
I want to say to you
But I don't have the guts
To hit the send button
Don't even know
What I would type out
Maybe tell you that
I love you
Or that I wish I
Had never walked away
Maybe that hearing
You're having a baby
Devastated me
It's my fault though
That you're engaged
Having a baby
While I sit and miss you
I regret not telling you
Exactly how I felt
When I had the chance
Because now we're
Different people
Living different lives
Who can I turn to
When I feel like there's no one
Who will hear my words
When it feels like no one listens
Who will hold my hand
When it feels like no one even sees me
Who will hug me
When I can't seem to stop crying
Who will talk me through it
When I shake and rock
Who will wipe away my tears
When they flood down my face
It wasn't suppose to get this far
You weren't suppose to mean so much
Your touch wasn't suppose to affect me this much
Your eyes weren't suppose to be engraved
In my mind and heart

I wasn't suppose to fall in love with your laugh
Your name wasn't suppose to be written in my heart
I should've guarded my heart from the start
I should've played it safe
But instead I got attached
If I were to love as the universe loves
My god I'd be heartless.
I'd be so vast, so full, so empty, so everything all at once
Yet, I'd contain no fondess for the human beings that roam my innards.

Being consistantly admired but never admiring is something the universe is troubled with
Not me
Cover up the mirrors and I'll find somewhere to look,
rip me into pieces like the pages of an old notebook,
smudge me into ink stains, stick a needle in my eye,
scribble over my mistakes and cross me out with lines.

Turn me inside out to wash and
hang me out to dry,
drown me in a dried up lake
and cool me down by fire,

spit me out like sour grapes,
then leave me like an ageing wine,
just now, I've quite the bitter taste
but I still need a little time.
Catharsis in a poem- felt very grounded after spitting this out
i asked you the meaning of your name
and you said it means
the stalk of a lotus.
i think of all the times you bloomed before me,
thriving despite the negativity.

i didn't know what compassion meant
until i met you,
as i raged, wept and cried in despair,
you waited and held my hand.
i had forgotten what vulnerability meant
until i met you.
you showed me that we often love the wrong people,
we often show them the sides of us they never wanted to see.

the lawns of the school of economics
hold the memory of us bonding
over broken hearts and broken knees.
we laughed when our insides were breaking,
we tried to heal each other's wounds,
hoping that our words would be of some comfort for scars
left by former lovers.

we learnt how bad unrequited love hurts together.
when the spring arrived, i cried over a boy who never loved me.
you cried over a man who pretended to love you.
the commuters on the train may have overheard us maundering
did grief bring us closer?

i remember the sound of your laughter
during our phone calls.
i probably said something about my ex and his small *****,
your ex and karma. oh and our discussions on karma,
i can't wait till she gets me.

i remember when you held me tight
and promised me that it was going to be okay.

with time,
i have learnt to let go of certain memories
but i know i won't let go of you.
this one's for my lovely friend, M. i absolutely adore this man and he deserves nothing but all the love in the world
You don't get it.
You can't do that.
You can't walk away and then come back and act like you care...
No, I didn't say that you can't be nice or polite,
I'm saying that you can't inquire about my safety every chance you get and offer favors when you're worried about it.
That's far too "boyfriendy"
You can't get jealous
You always wonder why...
It's because you're the one who leaves
Every. Time.
It's like...
We're walking down an old dusty road together, hand in hand
We stop, you turn to me, and walk away.
I watch you leave.
I look around confused and wander in circles.
I finally get my bearings and start down a new path
Then there you are in front of me again
And where else can I go?
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