I freeze
My smile says, you got me again but inside, your words have gutted me,
Like walking into a room full of Simon Cowells,
And losing my voice
Yes, in fact
You took my voice from me
This game we play where we both bear our fangs for alpha-female in our sick, twisted trio
But the difference is this
I do not make the haughty stabs that you inflict upon others
Flicking your tongue like a silver blade, and I, your waiting victim,
Am here, readily awaiting your torture because I don't know how to make other friends
So I let the violence continue
Maybe my ex was right about you
Maybe you're the reason why if it weren't for my hemophobia, my wrists I would slice,
But pills suffice
My smile says, you got me again.

-E (c) 2017

I want to taste your breath
Feel it warm between breaks
As we sigh from ecstasy

Gentle, tender
Caressing tongues
Biting your lips

In the dark,
With the mind's eye
Searching your curves

Within whispers and hymns,
Echoes and silence,
Rolling with the beat,

Of a pounding heart,
Rushing blooding
And tingling skin

Where scents blend,
Of flesh and soul,
To become, but one

A brilliant star
In a milky way
The fairest of all

Somewhere, amongst the debris
of cigarettes after ***,
chemicals to induce sleep,
I forgot what it means to love.

I forgot what it means to breathe,
to sit still, and just be.

Somewhere, beneath these hooded seams
of solitude and well-versed grief,
beats a heart less cynical,
less tamed by vague distraction.

My nervous ticks and bad habits,
line of best fit for a near-hit
of satisfaction:

This is not enough, I know.
This is not nearly enough
to cool the bray of life
that still rattles meaning in my bones.

I forgot what it means to love,
what separates a house from a home.

Somewhere beyond this thirst
for brand-new words
is a gratitude for all that has been.
Every cliché holds a truth.

Every sentiment, a cocoon,
that I should lie so still inside

until I am wholesome,
until I am new.

It was....yet it shall never be.
How is that possible?
It is when you have an imagination like mine.
Days full of adventure.
Nights full of passion.
In the arms of the perfect lover.
You.

The way you look at me,
A look of pure love.
The way you touch me,
So soft it makes me shiver.
I've never felt this way before.
My soul mate.
You.

I can be in your arms,
any time I wish it.
Just close my eyes and there we are,
Entwined....lips touching lips.
Warm breath on my neck.
My own perfect world.
You.

Reality, a thief that steals my dreams.
Reminding me that I'm alone.
Whispering that your heart is hers.
Your eyes, full of love, see only her face.
Her smile is only for you.
You.

Doesn't matter.  
I'll just find a quiet moment.
I'll close my eyes.
There we'll be....laughing, loving.
It is, though it shall never be.
You're mine...for as long as I want it.
You.