I’m tired of being tired
And instead of resting,
I decided to hide.
I’m tired of explaining
That the world isn’t just you and me,
That the earth keeps on spinning
And I’m pinned on a place I never wished to be.
I’m tired of crying,
Sleepless nights, and swollen eyes.
The eyes that turned red in the morning
Because the whole night I’ve been trying to live.
I’m tired of smiling,
When every piece inside me is breaking.
When all I wanted to do is to explode,
Yet all I do is just nod.
I’m tired of saying “I’m fine”
When in fact I am not
But you still believe me
Because you’re too blinded to see.
I’m tired of typing words—
Words you’re not worth to see;
Words you never heard from me,
Words that I meant to keep.
I’m tired of staying
And every night I thought of leaving
But then I imagined you alone
And then I walk back to my bed wishing I’d drowned.
I’m tired of pretending—
Saying I never loved you
When the truth is I really do.
And it hurts so much too
Because no matter what I say,
No matter what I do
All you can see
Are the things I never meant to do.
Above everything else…
I’m tired of being tired
And I bet you have no idea
How many times
I already died.