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It,s  a  lovely  crisp  early  spring  morning.
After  a  sharp  frost.
Clear  blue  sky  has  far
as  the  eye  can  see.
Very  quiet, no  wind  at  all.
The  snow  capped  mountains
stand  proudly  on  the  horizon.
A  few  holiday  makers  arriving.
For  a  brand  new  season.

Keith  Wilson.  Windermere.  UK  2017.
The  English  Lake  District.
Recently I had a talk
With the Lord of All
Wish I could say I came away
Feeling ten feet tall
But instead what He said
Made me feel small...

I asked him why my dreams had died
I asked him to convey
Why blows were dealt below the belt
It seems like every DAY
Why my heart was torn apart
Why did I have to pay?

For what others had done to me.
And WHY the cost so DEAR?
When would the war be over?
When would the coast be clear?
Why so many PROBLEMS?
Can't some just disappear?

He said, "You want to know, my child?
Why these knots still bind?"
He was gentle, but yet firm.
He took me back in time.
To the root, where they'd begun
And the causes? MINE.

Are there times you've questioned?
YES! We ALL have done!
We want to shame. We want to blame.
We want to scathe and shun
We want to point the finger
But now, the time's begun

To look through eyes enlightened
To peel the onion. Delve.
TRUTH's not glass, but mirror...

in which we see OURSELVES.



SoulSurvivor
(C) 3/29/2017
I'm going to be doing some self appraisal.
Peeling back the onion. I've got a LOT on my plate right now. This means

*I WILL BE OFF THE INTERNET*

Thanks for understanding.

LOVE YOU!
 Mar 2017 Jurtin Albine
Y Rada
I fell in loved with you eons ago
You fulfilled my deepest fantasies
An ideal man in an ideal world
But reality hit me like a Tsunami -

Passion ... Obsession...

You honed me into someone else
I tried to understand you but I couldn't
Was this how to live in fiery hell?
Save me my guardian angels, please!

Artistry ... Madness...

All the colors in your mystery palette
And my eyes only registered red and black!
What have you done to me this time?
"An act of love" you chanted softly -

Life ... Death...

You wanted to capture my essence
And you buried me under the rose beds!
Blooming flowers made you think of me
Until your next victim came along -
Dedicated to all abused.
And to those women who died under the hands of abusers.
I met myself last night after a long time
I buried my face in my blanket
as tears fell off crushing my heart.
I didn't know what to tell
or just be there for myself.

I kept quiet in tender stillness at night
I went across my heart & mind
and asked them how they are?
I know you all are exhausted
but still be with me.
I know its hard, but still
don't leave me apart.

I had a long conversation with each territory within me
longing through all the episodes of my life with me.
I know you all never make a fuss over my each day's agony.
I know its been 12 years long
to keep me alive
and trust me I am trying hard to keep you all up too.

I know you all need to repose
and make your way towards a little more pleasures in life.
Trust me I will yield all of that for you all
As I have only you all within me
so I will caress you all
caving in with love with all of me
mended in smiling pieces of you all with me.
I was with me last night for hours long and things have settled
I can't get out of bed
And by that I mean all my pain and sadness has masqueraded itself as blankets and is holding me to this bed
I cannot eat
By which I mean
The sight of food makes me ill because I am already full of misery
And even when I try,
The lump in my throat makes it impossible
I cannot sleep
Because beautiful memories of you keep me up all night,
followed by the grief of knowing that it's all over.
And when I do sleep I wake up in the middle of the night,
Calling your name.
 Mar 2017 Jurtin Albine
jar
dive
 Mar 2017 Jurtin Albine
jar
i plunge into the water again,
it's cold against my skin
thrashing against my throat
alone
quiet
something all too familiar
something i deny missing

your nails dragged themselves down my back
now i reminisce of serrated metal against my skin
that's how it feels
that's how you felt
back when old habits died hard
and i hated my name

you said you loved me
and i believed it
you were making changes
for the good
for the better

you left so many things
i just didn't think i'd be one of them
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