"As a core, idealistic truth, love is all that matters. In practice, especially between fundamentally flawed and unfinished beings, it’s not. Sometimes our love isn’t greater than whatever is doled out beside it. It doesn’t always win out. Sometimes it shouldn’t.

When you first realize someone could be something to you, the days become hazy and fluid and the last thing on your mind is logistics. It seems cold to be calculating at the beginning, to compartmentalize a person and see if those parts match up to the whole you envisioned.

We’re so quick to glide over whatever instinctive inkling resonates every time we realize there’s a void greater than our love for someone can fill. We press on, seldom realizing that every relationship culminates in deciding whether or not those instincts are the ones to follow.

Love exists in multitudes. In shades and elements and dynamics. In pieces and in learning, in growth and in change. In strangers and in soul mates. It does not exist as a single, expendable truth or experience. We’re so quick to attach that idea to one person or one relationship. We don’t want to go through the motions of experiencing those levels of commitment, attraction, interrelation with anybody else. The risk of losing is too great, but withholding waives the possibility of ever finding it in the first place.

Some relationships are long, steady, and easy; some are quick and enlightening and challenging. Some brush along our surface and others dive beneath and uproot us. Some might be temporary, one might last “forever.” That doesn’t mean it has to be the only one there is. That doesn’t mean there’s not something to be experienced, to be taken, to be learned, from whatever came before.

You can’t make a relationship something more than what it inherently is. You can’t make yourself fit into something you inherently won’t.

The whole of human love is what’s enough, the parts are just precursors.

We are unfinished, every last one of us. We have to let go of wishing each chapter was the last one because we’re afraid of how it could end otherwise. We have to stop forcing people into being the end-all-be-all for the same reason. We have to paint in contrasts, in love and from loss, and we have to find eventually that the whole picture is filled, and we are filled, from what we take, find, lose, gain, learn, give and create with the multitudes of people who loved us, in the multitude of ways that happens.

You’ll realize you knew the answers to your questions all along, it was only a matter of having the courage to act on them. You’ll let go when you don’t realize you’re doing it. You will have to learn that loving someone doesn’t always mean that being with them is the answer. You’ll realize that love is enough, but the kind of love that makes you stay only partly comes from the person you stay with. The other part comes from you.

You’ll realize you don’t have to be out of love to say goodbye. You’ll learn to separate the two: the loving part of you and the logical part of you. You’ll learn to use them in tandem. You’ll learn that two such things can be used in tandem, though you were taught otherwise and it seems impossible. What you’ll find eventually is the only love worth having is the kind that’s there even when the rest is gone."
-Brianna Wiest

You were in the hospital.
I spent every minute I could right by your side.
When your parents left the room I would kiss you.
Later,
You asked me why I was there
I replied, "because I will always be here"
You said, "So, even if I'm married to another guy you'll still be there?"
I said, "of course because you just mean that much to me"
I will always be there when you need me.

Even though eventually we both might move on
There will always be a section of my heart that will be yours
I won't ever fully let go
not because I can't
but because I don't want to
for now
I want to spend every minute I can by your side
so I can kiss you when your parents leave the room
and tell you I will always be here
and assure you that everything will be alright

The side of things
The want the while the things who ding
For you

They smile

For you all the while
I see the things

They make us sing

For you

For you
The purple thing rings
All in my head
The music springs

And while it jings
We get up and sing
About the things that make us ring

For you

For you  

I want the jing

For you

For you

don’t let us sink

and we will keep singing about the things keep ringing and the words keep dinging, forever jinging

for you

for you

It isn't so easy to just let go
to let the memories, happiness, and love just wash away...
Maybe I don't want to let go
because I love the love and the happiness and the memories
because they were with you

we weren't healthy enough to continue
but when people are sick they don't just give up on life
they get better and keep going
I don't want to let you go
because you make me happy

I know we didn't work well together in a relationship
but we work well in keeping each other afloat
I may have lost you as my other half
but I'm not giving up my best friend

I completely understand why this happened
We fought and fought
It was inevitable

But I love you
And I have never stopped
Even when we fought and fought
I never questioned my feelings

I used to sit in Chemistry
And daydream
About what our life could be like
About everything that could go right
Without having a single thought
That anything could possibly go wrong

And now, a year later
I sit in Physics
And dream of what I could’ve done right
And how if I had done so
You might
Not have gone
And maybe you’d still be
My Chemistry Daydream

One dismal and grey day, I was walking down the abused and crackled sidewalk that city workers had neglected to fix despite the poor look of it.  I glanced down every few steps to avoid the cracks in the cement that could make me stumble. It started to lightly rain, so I decided to find a place to wait out the weather. To my luck a run down café called The Bismark was right across the road. I sped across the street and approached the entrance to the café. I turned the old door **** and walked into a quaint and aesthetically pleasing, mostly white little room with several large machines that I can only assume would be used for make expensive, overly complicated coffee that was delicious.
A cute girl was standing behind the counter dressed in modern and intentionally tattered clothing that was obviously a planned statement to her quirky individuality. I ordered a small dark roast coffee and sat down by the window. While peering out the window into the seemingly boring and newspaper print world that lay before me, I saw someone walk in. It was a younger man, probably six months passed twenty and plain as the weather he just came in from. He wasn’t just any sort of plain; he was the kind of plain that stood out because he was so extraordinarily ordinary. He was wearing a red apron with a nametag that, only after a glance I could make out to read A&P.;
He walked up to the counter and ordered what I thought to be a black coffee. He paid and then waded past the field of wooden chairs over to table across from me. He looked to me like he was a bit detached. My curiosity quickly turned to a half embarrassed half confused mindset when he looked back and made eye contact with me. Thank God the cute barista yelled out, “Sammy!” with an annoyed yelp that could only be uttered by someone who was absolutely fed up with his or her current state of employment. The young man who had caught my attention scooted out of his chair and hastily walked to the counter to grab his coffee from the cute barista. He nodded in appreciation with a pleasant half smile and pulled out his wallet to grab the monetary appreciation that makes the menial minimum wage jobs worth it.
So as not to spill his coffee, he walked with a careful stride over to the table that he had been sitting at before and sat back down onto the chair. He then took the lid off of the cup of coffee and blew on it with short rhythmic puffs. I watched with a regretful curiosity at the strange character that had seemingly come in from daytime dreary.
I decided that I should interact with the oddity that lay before me and started thinking of techniques to go about it. Your humble writer thought to himself as to whether or not this decision would prevent him from carrying on the day with the glee and whimsy that was sure to come out of the bright and beautiful world that lay beyond the door to the café. Cooler heads prevailed and I decided to ask him how he was doing.
He glanced over at me, as if he was surprised that a human being was actually talking to him.
He replied, “I’ve had better, but a break from work is a break from life.”
I smirked and nodded in agreement. Then I asked him what he did and where he worked.
Unenthusiastically, he replied saying that he was a cashier at the A&P; grocery store.
I asked him why he seemed so unhappy with the job and he told me that he was tired of having to interact with the same boring people on a day-to-day basis.
“Why don’t you just quit the job if it makes you so unhappy”, I asked.
He replied with look of irritation and explained to me that no matter how hard he tried to break away, the job wouldn’t let him out.
I asked why that was and he said there is just something that was holding him to the cash register.
He said, “that the perfectly stacked shelves in his store make him numb enough not to care.”
What kind of annoying customers have you seen while working there? I replied, trying to change the depressing mood that the conversation was exhibiting.
He told me that once in awhile a bunch of annoying kids while come in and start knocking stuff over and trying causing a fuss.
I said he should just let the parents know that their kids are up to no good. He told me that half the time the parents don’t give enough of a **** to stop them and are just thankful that they aren’t mothering them for a change.
I told Sammy that I wasn’t looking for the basic answer that everyone in the service industry gives when they have complaints about their jobs. So I asked him, “What were some of the most out of the box customers that you have had come in to the A&P;?”
He told me that through out the years he has seen people come into the store with no shirt, no shoes, and no pants came in. He also explained how once,  a rabid poodle came in and started trying to bite his co-worker, Stokesie.  He even told me about how once, a former employee at the store tried to steal all the meat from the butcher by hiding the meat under his shirt. He said hat he had to chase him out the store with a baseball bat and that with every step more and more meat would fall out of his shirt. He then began to tell me how sad the store made him feel. He told me about all the fake people that he had to sit silently and watch while they went about their mediocre lives with an ignorant bliss. He told me how the people that came into the store had a certain stupidity that showed how suburbia could ruin a person without them even realizing that they had been ruined.
Once in awhile he would take some time to wonder just how messed up the folks that strolled through the aisles of the A&P; really were. He would always come to the same conclusion. That was that society had diminished the aspects of a meaningful life into an obscured picture of true happiness. The joy and fulfillment of a good life was now just strolling up and down the aisles of the neighborhood grocery store, taking food off the shelves like zombies, and paying for it with the money that they made working the same sort of depressing job. It was a twisted cycle that Sammy knew he had to break free from.

He lingered in his bedroom
Once filled with color and joy
But the shades have turned to black
And the joy was locked away
Somewhere deep inside
His soul from yesterday
Collapsing on the rough carpet
He builds up a wall
Locking the door and playing a song
Trying to hide it all
Little did his parents know
His pure heart had a hole
When his dad unlocked his sons room
There was a note that read
"Sorry I had to go"

She fooled me into thinking she loved me
She fooled me into thinking it was true
I was fooled into loving and caring
I did all those things just for you

I was kneeling with my arms open wide
My body was broken and so was my mind
I needed a place that I could hide
I kept on waiting and waiting
True love is what I needed to find

She put her arms tight all around me
And she pulled me right out of the sand
She brushed all the dirt off my shoulders
I told her that I was still broken
But still, she offered me her hand

Her words they glued me together
Her touch I will know forever
Her love made me good as new
I said, “Darling I will do anything for you”

I know in my heart that she loves me
I know in my heart that it’s true
I will always be loving and caring
Darling, I will do anything for you

He was thinking about someone special. He was thinking about her, but she didn't know. His feelings were obscure, but his goal was clear. He misses her. The happiness that is brought to him by her mere presence was shocking. He cherishes those moments, for whatever hardships may face him in the future, he can look back on those moments with a smile and maybe things won't be so hard anymore. He would much rather face them with her by his side because her presence brings so much more happiness than a memory.

The drum roll..
After 2 months the drum was beating
Faster than ever before
I've never wanted someone so much
There was so much tension
I wanted to just leave
If I stayed it would only complicate things
But I knew you were what I wanted
So I stayed
There was more passion than ever before
That was the happiest I've been
In two months

I’m sure this is going to last
It’s like our personal ebb and flow
Except our flow comes from going to fast
And forgetting to stop and let it grow
Now
If I could stop and realize that this is defined
By how I “show” my love
This is madness
But it excites me
I know it’s not normal
But for a brief instance
There is color in my bleak existence
You’re my fix
You help me when I’m down
And you make me happier than anything
But you aren’t good for my health

I just can’t seem to get away

I look in admiration
at someone who doesn't even give me a second glance
who can't separate themselves from their own selfish ways
for long enough to see what's in front of their ******* eyes
So how many times do I have to give you a second chance?
At love!
At life!
At happiness....
My problems may be untold
but at least I bring them to the surface every so often
so we don't have to be separated by any more distance
now we...
we can't be told how to make this work
we can't be told to make ourselves a commodity
and let everyone around look in empathy
and watch as this tears us apart
right
through
our
seems

He could hear her heart singing out of tune or maybe it was just her eyes singing the blues. The eyes that brought him a smile every time he saw them. They were eyes that were as beautiful and perfect as the rest of her. He realized that they were empty, he realized she was empty. Her little smiles turned blank and she was gone. He new he had do something he always had feelings for the girl with the beautiful eyes.
        He asked her to join him for a night. He pulled his ***** records off the shelf. He knew her blood was on the line. He asked her for what could potentially be a last dance, for what could be her last dance. He took her hands and held her close. They were the only people in the room. He felt like they were the only two in the world. They danced until the scratchy record stopped and when they finished he kissed her cheek.
      For the first time in awhile her little smile was no longer blank, but filled with joy and her eyes were filled with happiness. He took the girl with the beautiful eyes and looked into them and kissed her. It knocked her off her feet but he was there to catch her. She knew from then on that he would always be there to catch her.

Maybe one day
Everything will be settled and we can go on with whom we are
With what we have
Content with what’s in our lives
Never looking back on the fact
That we’re all we had in the first place

It’s the fine line between being
Sincere and insane
That’s defines us as who we are
Not who we were

Now put down the blade
And put away your shame
And know
That we can find comfort
In something other than the bottom of a bottle
Or smoke that leaves our lips

Don’t slash your wrists
So you can add color to the bleak existence
And while you stand there wondering whether or not
You should kick out the chair below you
Remember you’re not alone

Let the bluebird in your heart roam
For mine is weighted down by my thoughts and sorrows
But yours can still be free
It’s not to late
It will never ever be to late

Why is the world filled with Jesus slaves?