Sometimes I wake up and start crying.
Though, for a split second, I forget why.
I do not recall the day or time, or reasons… I am merely alive.
I find myself cherishing this moment because briefly I am at peace. But it does not last long, it can’t.
My feeling of absence nervously awaits until the painful sensation drags me down, embraces me with all its force, then retreats.
I am left alone, stuck.
But I am alive… I  am alive, aren’t I?
No this is all in my head, right?
It’s almost as if my mind keeps searching for something. For someone.
regardless of how much I avoid the truth, it always comes down to y o u.
I spend my days waiting, but the vivid sensation of loss continues to linger.

It’s been years.
I thought time would wash
over the muddled traces
But it has only left a resentment to the words.
The sense of longing
never quite leaves my chest.
So I pickup the painful memories scattered
here and there.

even though the features I knew so well are fading,
I can’t help but search for your figure.
Your eyes.
At the bus stop, on the street, in the corners of bookstores,
even though I know I won’t see you.

It’s fine though, because when the moon shines through my bedroom window,
you haunt every part of me.
And the words I resented are so clear.

If only I had spoken these three words.. would things have been the same?