A dream of a hug
From someone you love
Just a dream, a moment
And all that bitter anger
Is washed away
Diluted to insignificance
And you wake with...what?
Peace? Hope? Love?
All the things you thought
You'd never see again
It wasn't real, it wasn't really her
But the peace, the hope, the love?
Those are real
Those remain

Life is loss, pain
You move on, push past it
You write subroutines to deal
To ease, to distract, to bypass
Again and again until
You are more subroutine
Than you are yourself
And you wonder
At what point did pain
Become more relevant
To life
Than living?

Intricate labyrinth of neurons
Within whose web I dally, caught
Tangled synapse-bridged *****
Continuously recalling tallied thought

Laser-etched steel-plate memories
Deny wisdom so dearly sought
Reinforcing episodic-twisted realities
Revealing epiphany where is naught

Neuronal circuits staccato-fire rapidly
Tetanizing notions trauma-wrought
Spike-timing-dependent plasticity
Potentiating emotions distraught

Swearing healing by hippocampal oath
Promising surcease to wet-work hard-fought
Neurogenesis rebuilds hope for both
Amygdalan peace and neural-networked bio-robot

Its not a good day
if I havent ripped
a thumbnail on
some jagged metal
or stubbed a toe
Its not a good day
if I havent cut myself
on a kitchen knife
or had my heart broken
Its just the
empty space
between
injuries

Kneeling at an altar to depression
Genuflecting to the ideals of loss
Dreams left behind that eternal question
Beleaguered joy borne, burden, cross

Enshrining truth within a tomb of memory
Monk of a religion that believes in naught
Master of realities adrift in bombastic theory
Servant to whimsies of mercurial thought

Spirit seeking purpose, eyes beseech heaven
The void swells, in answering angelic voice
Alighting the soul with renewal, redemption
And hopeless fantasy becomes simple choice

Love stripped
Passion enslaved

Brain washed
Head shaved

Thirst for truth
Hunger to repay

March forward
Toward dark days

It's a lot closer than you think
eternity
pick any particle, molecule, atom
my love for you
it's there