Soon you'll be memories,
You'll stain
Leave marks here and there,
Like dirt
On a kid's shirt after play.

Funny thing is,
It'll be good ones
good memories,
She'll press you
Between her pages of poetry,
and so it will be,
in her head.

the boy you love is in your bed and
he is shaking

you wonder if it will always be like this,
tremors through his arms and legs, or if this
is only because he is wrapped in sheets that
smell like someone else.  so you offer him a bowl,
partly to calm him down but mostly because
when he takes a drag he cups his hands and
bows his head and it looks to you like he is
praying and his hands are still shaking and you
wonder if he has faith in anything and if not
maybe that thing could be you

so you clime beside him and you inhale as
he exhales and for a moment he is
                                                                                          still

the boy you love is in your bed and
you are shaking

although i'm still having dreams about him,
you're what i thought about
when i first woke up

i hope that's okay

I have to steady myself
when I think about your rough skin
worn with battle scars
and tattoos.

I bite my lip
at the thought of your thick eyeliner
around those eyes that are forever blue with youth.

My ears ring
with the longing to hear
that deceivingly young voice
with that funny crackle

I can't tear my eyes from you
as you roll
then light
a cigarette faster than I blink

My back arches
when I think of you
so often
in that way.

You are my life.
my universe.
my fantasy
my reality
my all and everything.

To you I'm an ant,
a petty pup to pet.

But I don't mind.

I don't mind how you smell of smoke
or that when you breath it out
my lungs disagree and cough.

I don't mind that you probably know how you effect me
and that your wish is my command
my heartache
and that if you look at me and say you want a change
I won't hesitate to cut it off
or starve
or drown
and blacken my lungs
I don't mind that you are a demon
I so happily let corrupt me.

I sigh so often at the thought of you.
Beautiful and deadly
grotesque and graceful
ashy like you crawled up from the depths below.

I admire how sick you are,
I lovingly dote on your whims
I worship you no matter what they say
no matter how dark you seem
no matter how I know it kills away what I once was.
but it doesn't matter
and I don't mind,
because you make me happy.

By crimson candlelight
she's awoken
lissom and lithe
and softly spoken
the smallest shadow of a girl
cracked inside the cavities of the world

I left her sleeping in willows and reeds
but she's still dancing in my dreams
all tangled hair and braided spine
I'd tether the stars to call her mine

My flowers wilted and my summers cold
she'll stay like spring when the months grow old
I wish for her hands to be close to mine
and I wouldn't let her leave this time

I could never see her go
she stays in spring, before the snow
I watch her dance while I'm alone
in a light
far brighter than I'd ever known

Our bodies are neutral
fake passion
faded hearts
I'm tired and lonely
you're just tired

Why is it you?
Of all people to have the ability to ruin me
why is it you? Bryan?

You're awkward and too tall
on top unmitigated gall
you're plain rude.

So why do I want you?
Bryan?

In my mind there's a collection
of every time you've shown affection
and

The slightest inclination
only heightens my determination
to trip you.

I want you to fall hard
for me. Bryan.

With every facebooked text
it's been my only request
for the whole year.

Did you notice?
Bryan?

When the smallest appreciation
left my pupils dilated
it's so degrading

When my faith in you is fading
more praise is awaiting
I am stuck in this net.

What's so unfair
is that you're not even aware
of what you do to me.

If I told you, would you love me?
Bryan?

i miss
         the smell of your hair
         the texture of your skin
         your arms around my waist
         the music you would play
         the comfort of your bed
         your hand on my thigh
         the safety in your eyes
         the cupcakes on my porch
         your slightly curved spine
         the way you shout my name
         the way you text me where i am
         your fingers around my neck
         the bruises on my ribs
         the pain in my shoulders
         your fists against my skin