I spray my regrets I spit out in a flask
So I can let them out later
When I get across this Finish Line  
People tend to stare from afar.
It's okay everyone does.
They use their instruments
Trying to decipher who I am.
The only thing they know
Is that we are all on the same starting point.
On this starting line
Waiting for this race to end our racing minds
And before the warning shot starts

I see you.
You start asking me these questions,
Who are you?
What are you?
When did you cross my mind?
Where have you been all my life
Why have I not seen you before?

Oddly enough the last time someone has asked me
These types of questions
Was when someone like you asked
Who do you think you are?
What are you still doing here?
When did you get here?
Where were you?
Why couldn't you be more like him?
Him
Him  

That hymn echos in my ears
To remind me of my daily dosage of bleach
To make my insides feel clean.
So I apologize when I see your beautiful face
And your beautiful Venus flytrap eyes
That lead me into another path just like this one.

The only thing I will tell you is that,
You have to start to run,
Away.
Through these empty streets.
Away from my mind
As my corrupt thoughts
Possess you like these glass bottles
That I hide messages of dark thoughts in
To find out that you should have never said Hello to me.

So turn the other way,
Run
it's okay.
Everyone else does too.

Maybe my drive isn't there,
I need this to drive my drives in this
Non self driving car to some place or to sometime
Where my mind isn't trying to jump start
Every time my heart wishes
To depart from this gas station called Her

******* it who decided to call this Her
Do you hear Her?
The lights are buzzing like a mind
With a Thousand Ideas and nothing to say
Say like I am sorry,
Say It's just not the same.

Say, don't you remember that I need to fill up here,
Im Poring this Creation from the creators hands called my emotions
Watch me as I melt like a carton of crayons,

Melting so quietly,
Calling it the most beautiful of mess I have ever made
As we drive down to the darkest of days.

I feel like i'm restarting my heart
Everytime I see a pair of eyes
That look just like yours,


That pear tree resting where your eyes should be
Makes me think that everything is going to be okay,
Okay,
Okay.

Things are not okay,
Whenever I see your green eyes
All I am paired with
Is that fact that I won't be your pear anymore
I see nothing but sadness
What could I done differently,
Differently,
Differently,

Hang on,
I see these blue eyes
That come at me like a tidal wave
Over all of these barbie dolls we call people  
And maybe just maybe,

I feel like i'm restarting my heart everytime
I see a pair of eyes that look just like yours,
So blue and so pure,
Like the beaches we would beach on our sunday nights,
We have work the next day,
Yes but not now at 3am.
When i'm looking at nothing else but your blue eyes
Hoping that the moon will never fall,
Fall,
Fall.

Why did you watch me fall
From the tallest tower
You knew when to throw the hardest of punches
Harder than any tidal wave crashing against
There is a reason why storms are named after people
And this time that person is you.
Blowing up everything but these memories
On the beaches that have beached my mind.
My mind,
My mind,

Hang on,
I feel like i'm restarting my heart
Everytime I see a pair of eyes
That look just like yours.

I feel like a kitchen appliance
Being used until the newest model comes in from Amazon,
So someone else can steal the Amazon prime light away from your matchstick way
Lighting up the darkest of nights
Melting my worries away
I used to be that way,
I look shiny
And irreplaceable
I never thought you could replace something irreplaceable until I don't know now?
And maybe sure,
My cable is freighted
My blue eyes have more luggage than what it first came here with
It feels like there's more instructions,
More problems
Probably
So now I see this familiar box
Amazon prime logo ready at hand
Knowing that this night is will be my last
This one has brown eyes
And it's cables aren't freighted
Like how you left me jaded
That one won't be outdated, right?
So as you pry me from my throne
I hold as hard as I can
Freighted cable holding onto the wall
With all of my might
Knowing that the only thing that is irreplaceable
Is you.

I have nothing clever to say,
You got me and for that,
I say well done,

You knew what to say when your straw hair
Scared the crows of uncertainty out of me
Leaving nothing but the sound of a unsound heartbeat
Knot knowing when to untangle
And to lay my beautiful brains out on the carpet.

Yet at the right time
you knew when to yank the carpet
From under my flat feet.
Leaving the cold walnut wood floor
For me to be my final resting ground.

You exiled me
From all the demons that pushed out of me
You knew the write thing to scribe
The masterpiece of all endings
By shutting the ****** door
Leaving me with Rime and Uncertainty
Quietly freezing Away
With No Rime or Reason

Let's build a house and make it out of stone.
We will craft it using the Earth
That raised us from the dank ashes of our ancestors,

Many before us tried to build this house,
Yet they failed because they weren't us.
Each stone we put on these walls feels cold in our hands,
Like my dead body that you somehow pulled me from this earth.

We build and build,
Comparing our callous hands.
Even though your hands looked damaged and hideous
I kept looking at your smile,
The way it shines light up our house from afar
We held each other's decrepit hands
And walked towards this beautiful creation we made.
That we would call a home.

I walk through the high ceilings
As pictures of us melt through the blood cherry wallpaper.
Every time I take a breath I can smell our endless nights of laughing
And exhaling the times you kicked me in your sleep.
We held this roof
Through our love of crafting this house.
On this house with me and you.

But that was the past.

So close yet never far enough

I can hear this heart beating in the floorboards,
The sounds vibrates the house
As it gets louder every time
I smell your shampoo on someone else,

I'm scared,
Whenever I glance at the pictures of us all i feel is pain
I tear them down one by one
Like a beast that I have become

And maybe it's only me,
But I feel that the air has changed in this house,
Now whenever I breathe in,
I feel you laughing at the way I sleep
When I exhale, I loose all of the words
That I can use to convince you to come back home
And rest your legs on my lap,

I get closer to the place where you used to draw
I see this sea of darkness
And that heart beating on an island
That’s where you sat there and told me
“I think its time”
I wrestle the murky waters until I hold the last moment
Before you broke my heart.

Something is changing me,
My hands feel too heavy
With this newfound disease that caress my flimsy body.
This veiny structure
That I think are my emotions
Is melting me to the ground
Like the walls build before,
I wish I wish I wish
for things to restart
And depart that other thought
That slipped out off my feeble lips.

You see these lips?
These lips tell no jokes,
See this smile?
It's tired from holding itself up
You see, It’s being held prisoner
From the thoughts you thought about.

Yet all I think about was when you sat there,
Looking both ways to see if you can cross my mind unnoticed:

You definitely didn't.

Now All I have left is this hole you dug me up from,
And all I Ask of you is to put me back where you found me.

Fake gold swirls on this desert floor.
The ashes of my care free innocence
Are running through my pessimistic hands.
It sticks under these rusty finger nails.
Like your last goodbyes,
They leave me with a cynical grin.

"Come for me I dare you!"

My brash wish was under your command,
As my hoarse throat neighed
Questing for relief,
Water,
Anything,
I beg you.
Maybe this request really wasn't mine to offer
My aged eyes roll back
To the games of dice I played as a kid,
Tossing what little worries I had away
As I became
A part of
The sand.