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1228
1228
I've drawn your face 1228 times
3 years, 4 months and 11 days I drew your face
Memorizing the shadows and highlights
I could point out your freckles in the stars
Recognize your dimples behind an ocean
Hugging graphite to paper, I can still feel the weight of your hold
Pencile to parchment, I can still touch the warmth of your palms
Two eyes fall just underneath the top half of your face
Lips curled the same way everytime
Staring back at me is an exact copy of someone I remember
No longer can I hear the voice, wispering sweet nothings in my ear
I've memorized your lines
To draw you away, to draw you out
I've drawn your face 1228 times
But no longer can I remember why
When rhythm has no reason, it becomes wrong
Insanity is doing something over and over, each time expecting a different outcome
1228
Under a portrait of a million memories, all depth is lost
Time has passed, you've let go
With each day, I recognize you less and less from the pictures I scratch
Insanity is doing something over and over, each time expecting a different outcome
No clarity behind dated portraits
1228

**1
I stop and take a breath...
Am soaked in sweat n bruises all over my legs
No I can't stop I'av got to keep running.  
I can still feel its presence close to me.
The monster won't let me be.
Am tired of the voices inside my head
I try to stop them but they resurface instead
Can I keep running from this monster?
Or Should I turn myself in
Turn to blades and self-destruction
Just maybe I might get my peace
And the pain ends
  
The voices inside my head;they are all me
I am doing this to myself
I am my own demon
No amount of therapy can save me from myself. Nobody can help me
I either love myself or lose myself.
Maybe if I keep telling myself that,
I may believe it..
Only then will I save myself
Oh Tonight,
Tonight I sleep alone
Sleep I will, but
Not willingly
Nor purposely
I sleep,
For there is no chance in
Gaining precious moments
For there are no way of
Saying words that were
Left unsaid.
Perhaps it is fate.
But I will no longer ponder
On what is done.
And so I will go.
Let the night fold me in his long
Awaited arms
And be there for I am no
Longer needed *here.
 Nov 2013 James Mellin
Taylor B
Do you know how it feels to be empty on the inside
Do you know how it feels to be by yourself and alone
Bet you you don't know what it's like to wanna live another life above all else

I can't keep living like this anymore
All I wanna do is give up
I wanna be better now
I wanna be better all together
Please make me feel better
Can you even hear me
This is my cry for help

Do you know what it is like when your so down that you don't know what you could do next
Do you know how it feels when you have nothing to keep yourself going
Do you know how it feels to matter to no one

I can't keep living like this anymore
All I wanna do is give up
I wanna be better now
I wanna be better all together
Please make me feel better
Can you even hear me
This is my cry for help

This is me crying, shouting, and begging for help
Can you hear me or have you already forgotten about me
I wanna feel  better
I need to feel better
All I wanna do is give up
I can't keep living like this

I can't keep living like this anymore
All I wanna do is give up
I wanna be better now
I wanna be better all together
Please make me feel better
Can you even hear me
This is my cry for help
I'm not going to give up just yet...
I'm sorry
That I text you
At four a.m.
When
I
Can't
Breathe
Because of
Anxiety attacks.

I'm sorry that
I can't make serious phone calls
Or order at Subway
Around the corner,
Even though I know
I like thinly sliced turkey
And chipotle dressing.

I'm sorry that
I forget things like
Birthdays and middle names
And I'm sorry
That I don't know how to
Kiss.

I'm sorry
That you think
When I don't take a compliment
I'm fishing for you
To keep going,
Because in my rotting skull
That option
Isn't even possible.

I'm sorry.
So sorry.
That if you're
Nice to me
I will never
Ever
Believe you
Actually like me.
I miss you when something good happens; you're the only one I wanna share it with
I miss you when am mad; you calm me down and tell me it aint worth it
I miss you when am sad; you give me every reason to b happy
I miss you when am insecure ; you'd give your life to make me feel safe
I miss you when I laugh ; you make my laughter grow
I miss you when I cry ; you make my tears disappear
I miss you when I breathe , you are my oxygen
I miss you when I look at the mirror; you are my reflection
I miss you when I've had a rough day; you sure know how to turn it around
I miss you but I miss my bestfriend the most, you're all I had
I miSs you when I smile ,you are always the reason its up there
I miss your smile,I miss mine too
ever since u left,u left with mine too.
If I had a beer for everyday that I've missed you, I'd be sober.
I miss you the most when I sit and reminisce hopelessly about what we had and what we dreamed of,those moments I had with you where the best life ever gave to me.
You were the best present from God,its unfortunate u left too early.
I sent it
At three AM
On one of those nights
Where silence gets violent
And I'm alone in my head.

I told you about the
Tiny pink pills
And how
If I took eight
I would sleep forever.
I gushed that
They were hidden
Under the toothpaste slathered
Countertop
In my bathroom.

I told you I loved you
But that
You weren't enough to stop me anymore.

I did actually consider it.
It was one of those nights.
But at some point,
As I laid on top of my comforter
And shivered under the fan,
I realized that
You weren't going to wake up
And convince me out of it.

I also thought
About how my mom was
A light sleeper.
How the floorboards would sound like
Orchestras
And the cabinet
Would be the symbals
To her.

I fell asleep
Numb,
But naturally numb,
And woke up wondering
What you would say.

You didn't say anything.
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