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Its a troubled impossible to try not to be in love
Its comes in cups and kisses
Bites and dishes
Love that swims through your ears, under your skin
Love that dances on your toes, pausing on the crook of your neck
Love that wonders about you when it goes to bed at night
It doesn't have to be a crooked smile in a book shop
Or the soft glances of the girl in your math class
Its the fire wood stacked with snow playfully draped
Old sneakers with laces brilliantly dulled
Bitter sweet chocolate on a curled tongue
It slips around you
It has no name, or age or sexuality
No background story
Nothing other than the moment you've invented right then and there
Its the love around you in your wool socks and your broken spine book
Love that eases your mind
Love that turns the tides of your thighs
It has no trouble with commitment
It has no accusations rooted in insecurity
Its the love in the way your sweater pulls around you
The way the sun kisses your cheeks
The way the wind burns your ears in the most pleasently burning way
The way your breath moves from your lips in winter frost

A love story for the ages
Imagine if a child is ignored every time fae speaks and is never allowed to finish a thought.
When fae shows faers true self to the world and then is told that fae is wrong.
When nothing fae says-when fae is finally allowed to speak-seems to be right do you really think fae will be inclined to speak?

When that child is taken from the only home fae knew and is brought to a new family-only to find this "mother" doesn't truly love them.
When fae finds out that living there brings this "mother" money.
When fae is taken from that home and placed in a new, when knowing that faers mom doesn't know how to take care of faer and daddy is gone, knowing fae is there as a last resort....knowing that her presence in this house is a burden on this new family.
Believing fae is unwanted and unloved, do you really think this child really knows how to express faers emotions?
Would you be surprised if fae closed faeself off, lost all desires, refused to let faeself appear needy or moody so that no one would think faer a burden?
Scared of being hurt, terrified of being abandoned. So all fae does is smile-even if inside faer's dying.

Now imagine if this child only ever saw faer parents fight-only ever heard them screaming...never truly saw love in any of faers homes. Do you think fae will really know love?
If fae only saw problems solved by violence then saw this violence hurt people.
When fae had no real teacher, with no one to guide her-learning only from disjointed experiences.
Imagine the world moves so fast around faer and fae can't change a thing, things passing by before the child has a chance to understand-leaving the child bumbling through life.
Just trying to get by.
Now this child, shaped by faer environment, not knowing anything else, is suddenly asked to change.
Fae is trying to change because faer nature tells faer fae must change to keep the Asker close, but it isn't that easy.

When old habits die hard and the child is pulled between two entities, arms sore and emotionally tired.
When the child has yet to catch up to faer peers and still has a lot of learning to do.
Hoping that the Asker will understand that fae has yet to find faer path.

When the child is still wandering, unchanging, pathless and the Asker is impatient, waiting, pushing.

The Asker never understood and couldn't wait for the child to find faer path.

When the child never changed and couldn't provide answers for the Asker.

The Asker asked one more question and decided to ask no more.

The child watched as the Asker walked away.

The asker and the child were both hurt, each their own pain. What hurt the Asker was that they believed the child didn't try.
Imagine the pain that plagued the child
                                                           ­         the Askers last words.    
The  Asker wanted to cure the child's habits like they were a disease or fix faer like fae was broken. Now the asker is gone-bringing us back to the beginning.

The child is left alone again confirming faer own fears.
That in the end, they will all leave-all but faer thoughts.
Now the child has yet to find a place to call home, someone to go to for comfort.
Can you entirely blame faer for how fae turned out?
Are you surprised that this child has become like this considering faer upbringing?

If this child smiles to get you to stay,
will you believe fae is truly happy,
or will you know that faer heart is breaking 
and fae feels like faers dying?

Would you realize
                               that behind faer smile,
                                                          ­           fae is really
                                                                ­                         crying?
 Oct 2013 James Mellin
Taylor B
Dark of night, no stars in sight
I'm driving home in the dead silence
Left with my thoughts

I was the last one standing
Everyone had already left
Left me to be with myself

Did you forget about me?
Things are not as they were
In the end I'm always left alone

Another day passes
And I'm left wondering if you even remember me
I'm still here where I have always been

I'm the one that never leaves
I'm the one that will always be there for you
I'm the one you can always come to

Where have you all gone
Would you even consider me your friend
Why am I the one left with the short end of the stick?

You always said that you’d be there for me
You said we would always be friends
You said that we’d stick together through thick and thin

But when was the last time that you put effort in our relationship?
At least six months ago
I'm to blame also, I've stopped going out of my way for you to remember me

In my phone I still have you as my bff forever
Do you even have that same number?
Am I even a contact in your phone?

It’s not like I don't see you in the halls all of the time
And you know where to find me
You ignore me when I try to talk to you

You know that I'm also going to go but you don’t ask to meet up
Or even attempt to find me
I'm the one who at least says hi

If you were truly my friend you'd realize that I miss you
All of you that have left me
I can still remember you but do you even know who I am?

I was the crazy one
That one that could always brighten your day
The one who was always happy

But that’s not me anymore
I'm still crazy like I have always been
But I keep getting left alone and my smile has faded and I don’t know what it looks like anymore

Friends are always supposed to be there for you
They are the ones you go to in bad times
There the ones you go to in good times

Who is left to be here for me?
Who am I supposed to go to now in my bad times
looks like my dogs are the ones to hear about the good times
If they ever happen

I should be used to being left all to myself in the end by now
It’s a common thing that happens to me
But I never expected my two greatest friends to leave me in the dark

I wonder around with myself
I am my own best friend
Not in a shallow way but in a way where I'm the only person that is always there for me

I'm not completely alone I do have some friends
People I can small talk with
People who truly don’t get to know the true me

But no one wants to get to know the true me
Because if they did then you guys may have never left
You perhaps didn't even notice it but I did

I know I'm not the same person I was before
But maybe that’s because you have all left
Did you ever think that all of you are the reason why I'm like this?

You guys have left me all by myself
And by doing so you have changed me
You have changed me for the worst

I was always there when you needed me most
I was always the one you could go to
I was the one who could brighten your day and make you forget all of the bad things

I need you now, so why have you disappeared?
Why can I no longer go to you?
At this point just acknowledging me will make me smile

Dark of night, no stars in sight
I'm driving home in the dead silence
Left with my thoughts
A pen in my hand
Nothing in my head
Pains in my heart
Tears in my eyes

Trembling hands
Red eyes
Stained face
Swollen eyes

A sharp knife thru my chest
A puncture in my heart
A wound I doubt
Will ever heal.

Sleepless nights
Days of the same
A scar
That’ll never fade

Broken into pieces
Damaged beyond imagination
Massacred to the extreme
Manipulated to condemnation

Words are worthless
To what is felt

A hole that cant be refilled
A tattoo that cant be erased
A mark that’ll last for eternity
A complete infatuation

Land I never thought I’ll be
Broken-land
A broken person

One thing for sure
The thing called heart
Will be attached to you
With epoxy

Words are worthless
To what is felt
I looked at the mirrior today
I only saw me without you.
I searched myself from within
And I couldnt find my soul.

I listened for my heartbeat
And I heard nothing...
I searched for emotions
All I could find was grief and sadness.
I looked out the window for sunshine
And all there was ,was darkness.
Could I ever be me without you?
Could I ever be me without me?
I looked at the mirrior again and I saw nothing..
My very first poem .. Hope you'll like it.
She sloughs off her skin,
stepping out with heavy
feet to let her
coffin fall around her
piece by silk pale piece.

Raw and bleeding,
the water encases her in
a liquid embrace, as
calm as a mother's arms
as quiet as death at midnight.

Naked and alone
the water turning red with
truth and thoughts held
close, she washes away the
weighted thoughts of a future unknown.

What life she must lead,
to hide behind closed doors, locked
against the eyes of those
she so sweetly calls
her dearest friends.

But soon she is clean of filth
and doubt and steps out
into the gleaming lights of reality,
facing again the impeccable
glass of imperfection and truth.

She denies the facts and
slowly recovers, recollects
the pieces of a lie
formed through years
of trying to belong to others.

And slowly, like a geisha,
she paints on a face strange
and familiar, her practiced
hands trembling slightly,
the first crack in a porcelain mask.

It is then she stops,
caught on a stray thought
that has crept from the depths
of reddened water, the  realization
that the geisha died long ago.
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