I was bound and gagged by my dignity
My virtue struggles to hold my voice hostage
I practice restraint but my bonds have slipped
And while I wait for the feeling to return to my hands
I bounce the ball in my solitary confinement
My silence screams so loud in my ears,
can you not hear it?

"I am coming for you!"

Oh child of isolation,
Why do you hide?
Why in the womb of a tomb do you reside?
I know the world has its ways in bringing you down,
Abating your breath when no good can be found.
Is there no hope left within your very soul?
This here is the test you must console,
Turn and change from what you were before.
You cannot live in this past anymore,
The sobering sweetness you once had.
Cannot for what was be glad?
Only when you change will there be more chances down the road,
But first you must give up and bury your burdensome load.
Or otherwise what you seek will always slip your grasp,
So child of isolation what will you do?
Will you stay this way forever?
Or change and be anew?

I once dated a ******
And I loaned him money.
I laughed out loud in church.
Well! I found it all so funny.
I bought a used Chevy van
Without the proper paperwork.
I tried to get my money back
And the guy called ME a ****.

A friend told me I could buy ****
From a guy on the edge of Watts.
Eleven o’clock at night on his porch
Me, a stranger, waiting. Stupid ****.
Once I knew another guy, not well.
He wanted some dope from me.
I agreed to sell it, then realized
The fellow worked for the FCC.

I let a gal move in with me
A hippie from Haight Ashbury.
She drank my *****, ate my food
Then stole all she could carry.
It was just the kind of thing,
The sixties games we played.
Free love, open heart and then
After all that, I didn’t get laid.

A guy was selling hot TVs
From my place of employ.
A fool and money, you know
Is all about a gullible boy.
And, since the crook was a gal
I fell for it, because naturally,
A nice lady would never, ever
Try to swindle the sweet young me.

A guy was plunking his guitar
With a sign that said he was blind.
I gave him my last buck and
Figured I was just being kind.
At five o’clock, he got up to go
And I thanked my lucky star
That I was not blind like he was
Then I saw him drive away in his car.

Doing stupid things does not mean
That a person it a certifiable idiot.
It can mean that we trust too much
Or that we’re greedy and don’t admit it.
We see a chance to get a profit
Or even to do something nice
Then get stupid, do what we know
Is contrary to all good advice.

I will make my own mistakes, I will walk the path that I choose. I will have regrets, joy and fears. I will learn as I go and learn from others on the way. I will fill the pages of the book of my life. Whether it will be a Sonnet or a Tragedy, who can say. I will only know when I reach the end. I will hope to give more than I take and to be a giver of kindness instead of hate. I will be disagreeable and shall have to live and let live. I will hold true to myself and what I believe is right. I will strive to stay the course, even when others fall away. I know that things will not always be easy, but they may yet be worth the struggle. I will be my own person writing my own story.

No more phony saviors.
No more unasked for questions.
No more forced behaviors or unwanted confessions.

No more false prophets.
No more second guesses.
No more burnt synapses or blown out thought processes.

No more ****** mouths.
No more bitten tongues.
It's finally over now.
Finally, it's done.

The End to Ups and Downs -
forget about "c'est la vie."
There'll be nothing more from You now;
all that's left is Me.