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Feb 2019 · 138
Dark Prism
There I am
Pretending
Forever lost
Forever confused

I hear the words that you speak
And it all sounds good to me
But I am the critical one
The cynic

I want what you got
I am the envious one
I see the glow on your face
The twinkle in your eyes
It is working out for you
I am so glad

But I am enslaved to the darkness
No beauty where I go inside my head
It's hard to let go of the voices
Telling me to join the dark prism
Where rainbows turn into nothingness
But maybe there is beauty in the dark hole
In my soul. Just maybe even the song being
Sung ignites a power that is forever beautiful

Just maybe the black rose being laid by the altar
Will never wilt and die because in the darkness there is beauty.
Dec 2018 · 178
No One To Trust
I have felt the pain from others
Does that mean I whine
I have felt the wringer and sting
Does that mean I've cried
My dreams have sunken in the soil
And it does make my blood boil
Who do I come to trust
To listen to and make a fuss
If all is out for number one
That they really don't care about me
They would rather me burn up in the sun
And cross over in the never regions
Should I waste my time on them
Should I give a ******* ****
I feel I shouldn't care anymore
Start locking my door
Get my shotgun and wait by the window
Because they're going to try to break in
There's no more love out there
Everything is superficial
They're coming
They're coming
They don't want my things
They want my soul
I'm not giving it up so easily
Life. With all of its complexities, can we break free of the normal and see this thing called life in a new and vibrant light. My attitude has not been the greatest toward life, thinking I'm the only one who is going through struggles. Everyone is going through pain of some sort, whether imagined or real. Love. Where does it all fit in in this thing called life. When we can love without judgement will be the greatest thing of all, still have to be careful. But once we can touch each others hearts and make someone feel better, to feel good. That's the greatest love of all.
Oct 2018 · 156
I Don't Remember
I don't remember
Hurting you this bad
I must done a wallop to your heart for you not to return my calls or text messages.
I must of made you cry for hours on end and days to come.
It could of happened that way
But I totally doubt it.
Oh. Hurting your heart is a possibility cause we have a daughter together and to get back at me is to not return my calls and text messages for months on end. You know how
Much that bothers me and it does ****** me off but there's nothing
I can do about it if you want to act like a little baby. All I want is to talk to my daughter. Why is it that the children are the ones who suffers and the more one tries not to make that happen the more it seems like everything is just gets lost in the wind.  And I can't remember everything that made you angry about me. Apparently you was taking notes.
Sep 2018 · 656
Unsaid
I have felt your lips on mine
Kissing me ever so sweetly
And telling me you love me
And I ***** everything up
I never tend to
Oh, not by a long shot
But I would open my mouth
And spew masked words your way
You always felt the sting of what I said
And you would tell me that you never do that
Of course I never cared cause I am selfish
I always wanted things to go my way
How can a relationship be built on that?
It couldn't. I don't even know why I ever spoke
A lot of things are meant to be unsaid
And words are beautiful if spoken as such
But I open my mouth and you get hurt
Why did you stay with me as long as you did
I don't even understand it
If it was me getting verbally attacked
I would of been long gone from the first moment
And yet you stayed
Now we have a daughter and you are quiet
We are apart and that was bound to happen
But now you have cut ties with me
And use our daughter as a pawn
To hurt me over and over again
I can't even talk to her cause you're not
Saying a word. Not answering my calls
Or my text messages. You are staying quiet
So quiet like a mouse hunting for cheese
Is this all that is left for me
Quiet.
And it is painful
I hear no laughter from my daughter
Because you just won't let me talk to her
Is this the way it's going to be
What is left for me
I hear no calls from you
I hear no text messages from you
Just the endless darkness of quietness
Quietness
Painful
Sep 2018 · 356
Letting Go
There once was a child
He heard the sound of the smack
On his **** and felt the stinging pain
He got a bad impression of his aunt
As soon after he felt the pain
From then on he stayed away
As much as he could from her
In hindsight, after years of reflection
It wasn't her place to do that
The grown man and the boy inside
Never got to know his aunt, truly know
What kind of person she was because
He held a grudge all those many years
And this anger has fostered love
She can never undo that act
And he can never get those years
Of hating her back
Sep 2018 · 183
Lost And Confused
I get this feeling on my brain
That I'm swimming out to sea
I'm all disoriented and such
I've felt this feeling time and time again
It will disappear for a time and then
Come back with a vengeance
I tend to forget about it and then
It will show its ugly face
Scare me and scare me some more
As it feels like its never going to go away
I pray and I pray some more
Just wanting an answer why it's here
I pray to whomever that will listen
I plead and I will plead some more
But nothing happens and I am lost
Maybe this feeling I have wants me lost
And confused, forever trying to figure
Things out. I'm so trying to figure this
One out and where it ties into my life.
Aug 2018 · 237
Caught in a breeze
Dream within a dream within a dream
Nothing is what it seems
Problems and consequences wants
Nothing more to float away
Like a feather caught in a breeze
Love wants to be a part of the picture
But it fades out too quickly to realize
What's going on
All the love lost
Thinking this could of been the one
Just another dream
Was it all meant to be
Was it exactly the way it was
Suppose to go down
I never wanted to intentionally
Hurt anyone
Life just fades out and returns to a dream
Once again a dream within a dream.
A dream.
Can someone please wake me up?
Jul 2018 · 279
Beauty In A Nutshell
Beauty is worth seeing and there is a lot of beauty out there to see. A lot of ugliness too and I have been through stages of feeling so depressed I just felt like I didn't want to exist anymore. But closing my eyes and thinking about my daughter definitely put me in a better mood. What is that but beauty in a nutshell
Jul 2018 · 252
Turn Your Back On Me
Sitting alone in a room without you
How did it end up this way
I wasn't the best thing for you
But I was always there for you
I wouldn't turn my back on you
You turned your back on me
Not once, not twice, you just kept at it
No matter what I did or didn't do
You showed no interest in me
Then it got me thinking
That you never loved me to begin with
Was just using me like I was using you
It's funny how things like that unfold
So how can I be angry at you
You was just doing your thing
Like I was trying to figure out things
Where I stood with you
If I even loved you
You just stuck around cause
Of self-preservation
I get that. Not angry at that
Well, a little angry because of that.
But how easy it was for you to turn
Your back on me.
Jul 2018 · 142
Better Than Words
The pain, the pain, the pain
Why did it come to me
Visit me like the night
Enveloping my sleepy eyes
It was once slightly better than this
But then the pain came
Hasn't gone away for months
I try to make things beautiful again
Like a rose blooming in springtime
How beautiful can it be?
I am just as curious as you
Does God send out the pain
To see if I can handle it
I want no God like that
There has to be something better
Somehow, some way, something more to it
Better than these words
I love words
It's definitely a poetry about it all
Maybe the pain can get caught in these words
Disappear in between sentences
Jul 2018 · 146
Good Vibes (Love)
My mind is cluttered
And I feel like ****
All I want is to feel better
But everyday is a struggle
Struggle to get up in the morning
And stay awake
All I want to do is sleep my life away
My depression has me in its grips
Wanting to cloud everything
And make it dark
I want to break free
And smile once again
Even faith as tiny as a mustard seed can be a spark
But most days I plug along
Hurting inside with these dark emotions
Wishing I could just disappear
Be forever lost in the nothingness
Though I know the Universe isn't out to get me
I need good vibes to win me over to the lighter side
I have to stay focus on what is right
And that's love will conquer all
Love of life
Love of family
Love of a pet even
Love.
Jun 2018 · 150
No changing that!
They're no friends of mine
Why would I want that in my life
All they bring is misery and pain
Nothing but bullies
I get lost in the rain
Trying to escape
Escape the suffering
I want something better
Something tangible and real
Though it wouldn't be smart to think I can get away from pain.
It's always going to be out there. Waiting.
It's how I handle it is what's going to be sane
Maybe these bullies, society who are dum about mental illness and try to make things harder on me, are ****** in the head. They're the head cases that need the help. But I'm still going to be me, that's all I have, I can't trust no one else, and they ain't going to ******* change that.
Jun 2018 · 125
Hollow Souls (stigmitism)
Splintered emotions
Falling away from oneself
Can't undo the past
Though it's revisited of every minute
Of everyday.
Try to think of positive things
but that's few and far between
Especially when you're almost down for the count Others see this and try to take advantage
Of the fact you're depressed, that I am depressed.
Stigmitism runs deep and hollow souls try to make it worse. They want us to lose it. They get a kick out of it. It makes them happy because they have no life of their own. They're just plain ******* bullies. They would rather pry in your life than take care of their own. Their intentions are felt by us. We're the ones that get their baggage cause they can't go a day without making fun of us.
They're a useless bunch.
Jun 2018 · 111
Who Knows
I wish life was simple
But it is complex for me
Chaos is the norm
I wish for the unordinary
Cause the ordinary is full of rigidy
The mundane and then tough decisions
Do I go one way or the other
Would everything come together
Or will it be difficult like it is
Could I see the beauty in the fires
Would I be able to put the flames out
Do I always have to struggle
Can't a person be cut a break sometime
Or will it always have to be chasing after the prize
And what is the prize
For me it has been peace of mind
But that seems too much to ask for
So what do I ask and who am I asking to
God,  Satan, angels, demons
Is it all the same or just one big joke that the aliens are playing with us
Who knows
I know my life could be better if I put some action into it but here I sit afraid of the questions and most definitely afraid of the answers
May 2018 · 175
Good Energy
It's sure hell when your down
Everything seems so hard to do
Life seems unbearable
You just want to curl up in a ball
On your bed and sleep the day away
It doesn't even matter if it's nice outside
Cause it's not nice in your head
Getting out of that funk is even harder
Time seems like it stands still
But just putting one foot in front of the other
And hope that the next day will be better
Believing in a higher power
That will bring you through difficulties helps
It makes sense in a world full of hate
Believing in kindness when people aren't kind
Just feeling that good energy flowing in
Protect the heart from confusion and chaos
Apr 2018 · 166
In My Memory
I stare out at the sun
And the sun smiling at me
Agreeing how beautiful a sunset can be
I look out in the distance
The sky so blue and pink
I smile from the view
What a beautiful view it is
No one can take that away
Steal the precious feeling I have
They may bombard me with obstacles
But that view is etched in the heart of my being
And I can bring it back, all I have to do is close
My eyes and there it is in my memory
Apr 2018 · 107
I Try
It isn't up to me if things should
Go smoothly, there are powers
To be that decide that. A lot of
Times things don't go my way
And I have to stop and really
To be honest think of the other
Person because I'm not the
Center of the universe and
There are hell of a lot of people
That are hurting just like me.
I should consider their feelings
Instead of thinking what's in it
For me. I am far from being
Perfect at it or even good for
That matter. I try and that's all
I can say. I try when I get out
Of my own way and quit being
So **** selfish.
Apr 2018 · 103
It Was Okay
It will be okay comes a voice,
A thought, something deep down
Reaches out to me to comfort
I hear it echoeing in my mind
I push it back down in me
Not believeing it can be true
But the day goes by and
Every step I take align itself
With exactly the way things
Unfold and then hindsight
Takes place and it was okay
And there was peace during
The seconds of each hour of
The day. Whatever Power that
Is it's sure a beautiful feeling.
Thank you.
Apr 2018 · 101
Break Free
It seems like practically my whole
Life has been just one big nightmare
I have made choices that weren't
Very good. They were almost my demise.
It started when I was a teenager
Thinking I knew better but knew nothing
Even up till today I keep doing it
Sabotaging everything good in my life
Or not making the proper decision
Choosing something that will keep me stuck
Or not choosing something that will help
Me to move forward. I want so badly
to finally come to realize who I am
But even at this age I feel stagnic
The face in the mirror looks flawed
That there is no wisdom behind it
Just confusion
Demons buried deep down
That don't want to see the light of day
Where do I go from here
The mask is so clearly seen
And I don't know what to do about that
I want to step ashore a free man
See the world aknew
But society wants to keep me shackled
To my problems
They want me to fail
Cause then things would make sense to them
But I want to break free from these chains
Find out who I truly am
And what I like and don't like
Find out my values
I've been buried for too long
Walking this planet in a haze
I want to finally break free
Mar 2018 · 106
Ebb And Flow
I may be down for a while
Then kicked down for long time
I look at the hours gone by
The miutes of discomfort and hurt
There was you laughing at me
Making fun of my condition
Because I stumbled and fell
Made a mistake I shouldn't of
I've asked for forgiveness
Said I was sorry and such
But did it even matter to you
You just wanted to play games
Hurt me in the long run
Over and over again
Teach me a lesson in torture
Make me do pentance
Well, I'm so over it
Moving on and upward
Can't stay on the ground forever
Got to brush myself off and take a step
Then take some more steps
You're always going to be around
Cause you can't live without me
Without trying to make me feel bad
I guess that's your destiny in life
To try to make me feel miserable
It will work here and there
But I'll keep dusting myself off
And moving on
Moving on without you
I hold onto the belief in the ebb and flow
Of life
Such good energy out there leading me
In the right direction
I stumble, make mistakes
Got to apologize and move forward
Can't really continue to go backwards
Not really
I don't want that to happen
I try to believe in he goodness of life
I have experience the ugliness
I could of kept wallowing in it
I would of never got clean
Wash myself off and take the lead
The ebb and flow really has me
And it's a wonderful feeling
My past mistakes keeps haunting me
It feels like I have to do pentance
I have learned and am moving on
It feels others can't do the same
They want to continue to bring me down
Make me feel like a *******
They hate it when I'm happy
When I'm laughing
They can't stand seeing others in that condition
Where life is working out for that person
They want to see them fail and fall flat on their face
That's just how parts of society is sometimes
I know I don't want no one to fail
To feel miserable, especially kick them while they're down.
I would want a lift so I would try to lift that person or persons. Try to make them smile or something
Make them feel good in my company
That's just me though
Make them feel better
Mar 2018 · 317
The Beauty And The Darkness
The darkness has it's grips on me
Trying to suffocate the life out of me
It's a slow and painful existence
I want to run and hide out
Keep the darkness at Bay
But no good has come from that
The darkness becomes that much more angrier
And tortures me that much more
I stand up and brush off the dirt
Put one foot in front of the other
And look the darkness in it's nothingness eyes
And find some hope in life, it's everywhere
If I will only look instead of wallowing
It's out there, I have been involved in it
I'm just too ignorant to realize the beauty
A talk, well nowadays, a text back and forth
From a family member helps a lot or a friend
Listening to my kind of music helps a lot
Watching my kind of shows helps a lot
Especially ones I just started watching and
Have been out for a while and I think the
Series is over with but I'm just getting into
Staring outside up at the blue sky and
Realizing spring is right around the corner
Washing clothes and being thankful that
Even know I don't have many I still have
Some and that's more than I can about others
But I did there for a period just had the
Clothes on my back and I should of been
Thankful for that but being in self-pity *****
Having a bed to sleep on is a bright spot
Having a roof over my head to sleep on
That bed is a beautiful thing. The
Darkness can try all it wishes to ***** the
Beauty out of my life but it just never will
Because feelings are always going to be
There, that's just part of life, and when
The haze clears from my head the beauty
Is there and I'm thankful for that. Whether
In self-pity or wallowing in thinking God
Or the Universe is out to get me, the beauty
Is always going to be there, I just have to
Open my eyes some and see it all around
And everywhere.
I try to believe in goodness
The goodness of people
The whole wheel of Time
That produces good fortune
But the more I see of it
The more I see of the darness
And it envelopes me like a veil
Holding tightly on and won't let go
How do I get it to release me
Too many people kick me while I'm down
An ex who has it out for me. I don't
Blame her for what I put her through
But we have a daughter together and I
Can't even talk to her or see her.
Other people who I don't even know
wants to make my life miserable. They
See me as a ******* and I should
Be wiped off the face of the planet.
That's what it seems. They follow me
Around like a puppy dog, wanting me
To ***** up or something. Maybe they
Think I'm a drug dealer. Lol. That's
Funny. They're wasting their time there.
Or maybe they want to see me fall off
The wagon and if that's the case they're
Pretty sick sons of *******. So who knows
What's in the minds of others and for
That matter the mind of me.
Mar 2018 · 126
A Lot To Learn
I have come to realize
Which is very hard to admit
That I am the *******
When it comes to relationships
I have no concept what it means
To be a friend nor a partner
I have ******* up every
Relationship I've been in
I stay quiet when words are needed
Or I talk to much when I should shut up
I get angry and say mean and crude things
Especially when I feel I'm being treated unfairly
What do I know about anything to do with that
Yes, it's not that I haven't been treated poorly
But nine cases out of ten I set the ball rolling
I ignite the flames and set it ablaze
Cause I just don't know how to act
I just don't know how to be
I think I try too hard to please everyone
Which is a problem in of itself
Instead of being true to myself
I look on the outside to provide stability
And peace, which peace is an inside job
Let's just say I still have a lot to learn
I want to stand up
Ten feet tall
Take a swing at depression
The voices that bring me down
They're all around
They won't quit
They think they know best for me
But all they're doing is bringing me down
But day by day I survive
It shouldn't be that way
But it is what it is
There should be some peace of mind
But the voices are always there to pounce
They scream their disapproval of me
The fact I'm on food stamps
And don't have a job
They assume they're better than me
But they're nothing
I used to talk back
But that didn't do any good
They only laughed
Or assumed I was ******* up
Now it's been going on for so long
It's becoming pitiful and disgraceful
There's no help from them
No encouragement
These voices can care less
So **** them
They all can jump off of a mountain
Into jagged rocks and burst open
Their blood spilling forth, splattering
Everywhere. These voices can slice
Their wrists and bleed forth everywhere
Get weak and faint and die like rabid dogs
They are nothing to me. ******* nothing!!!
They don't pay my rent. Buy my clothes.
Take care of me. All that's left is me.
And if I'm a ******* then so be it
At least I'm a kind *******. These
Voices are ****** after me. And we all
Know what happened to him now don't
We.
Mar 2018 · 108
Pile of Shit
Life is ****** up
The more you want to get out from
Underneath the pile of **** you're in
The more people try to keep you there
They don't have you're best interest at heart
They can care less what you're trying to do
With your life.
They think it's a game, whatever it is
They keep their hounds at Bay, ready to attack
Their flunkies are all about, ******* ****
They must get paid a lot to keep others down
In the pile of **** they themselves should be in
Maybe they are the pile of ****
Things to ponder about
Apr 2017 · 603
Decent Courtesy
Why is it when you call someone
And they tell you they'll call you
Right back and they don't?
Apparently they think their lives
Are so important and mine isn't
That they think they're so much better
Than me and their **** don't stink
Why do I get blown off like that?
Am I too nice to people and need to
Become a *******, maybe then they'll pay
Some attention to me and actually call me back
When they say they do. I don't know but it seems
To me that females are attracted to badasses
And I'm sorry I'm not one of them but I can be
I can treat them like dirt and not care about them
I can show them no respect and spit in their face
Maybe then I will be respected and treated good
Cause apparently treating them like they matter
Isn't good enough. I just want one woman have
The decent courtesy to show me some respect.
Apr 2017 · 239
Invisible To Others
Most of the time
I feel like a nobody
Isolated in my words to others
They seem like they don't get me
How much I want them to
But it's never going to happen
Because they think they're better than me
I get no calls from others
I have to be the one to call
I'm just existing, invisible to others
Apr 2017 · 681
Higher Consciousness
My consciousness seem to float away
With no effort of mine
It wants to think morbid thoughts
Like the snake
It doesn't want to awake
Rather it wants to stay in limbo
How does it know?
Where did it come from?
I feel things will never be so
I feel the pressures of being undone
I want to sprout skyward
Into the realm of the eagles
Peace and love alludes me
But I want to feel the peace like a warm breeze
And find true love like Mother Earth provides
How can we all get along when all we want is more?
More of everything. More materialistic than anything else
I want to search the heavens, touch the Stars
Maybe then my consciousness will come alive
And break free from all chaos
It's funny how life can be
With all the confusion and chaos
It throws obstacles at us
Trying to see how strong we are
Is the Universe on our side
Or does it even matter
Is karma out to make things better
Or does it even matter
Is God providing our well-being
Or does it even matter
Is it all part of our fate
Destined to reach the Stars
Or fall down deep in the mud
Can we pick ourselves up
And start anew
Is it our will power that makes it right
Or is it just all a dream
And when it's all over
We'll float away into nothingness
And never even remember our existence
Can we give all we can to others
And hope it's some form of penance
That it will matter in the end
And all the confusion and chaos
Will fall by the wayside
And we all can find freedom
Freedom from hate
That love does matter
And it's all part of a great play
That the Author will finally let us know
The greater good in the script
Because all this fighting and killings
Doesn't make sense and has to stop
I feel it starts with us
That we have to let others know
There is a greater good in life
And it's not about wars and triumph
But in peace and love
Apr 2017 · 200
The Universe Has Its Sway
These times are difficult
For getting by is a struggle
I wonder how to stay afloat
For hitting bottom is easy
But I think of how truly blessed I am, the great people in my life. That I wake up sober and clean, spent too much time in that kind of a life and now I'm free. So the struggles and pains of the day cannot compare to the hell I put others
Through and myself. So I'm grateful for the life I'm leading today, it isn't exactly where I wanted to be at but the Universe has its sway.
Apr 2017 · 355
Share Kindness
What is the truth?
The answer is in the heavens
It wants to be heard
It wants to share it's abundance

The loving energy searches the earth
Hoping to find people with heart
Kindness goes a long way
It pours out it's kindness like the rivers
It flows exactly where it is needed

Finding this power isn't easy
A lot find only negativity and live in it
They wallow from day to day
Bringing the people who are at heaven's door down
They stab their negative mouths into others affairs
Trying so hard to make these people give up
And return to old behaviors

Is it going to happen to you?
It's already has happened to me
And it keeps happening
But I trudge along
Keeping heaven in my mind
And trying to share my kindness
The Universe has done so much for me
It's the least I can do
Without such
I would have no kindness to give away
Nothing.
Apr 2017 · 196
A Brighter Arena
You ever get the feeling of erasing everything you
Ever wrote and start all over again?
Your world changes and something enters in
And lets you know whatever was bothering you
At that time doesn't really matter in light of things
So much importance on loving the ones that matter
And try to let others in even for a brief moment
And experience the essence of life and love
Hatred does no good, it only rots the spirit
I've spent too much time on expressing my anger
Maybe that's not the way to go, there is no reward
Just suffocating my heart and I can't catch any air
I want to toss all the anger aside and focus my
Attention on the principles of life; like love, honesty
Purity, and unselfishness. The world would be a
Much peaceful place if others stopped with the
Fighting, whether on the streets or in the home,
It would be a much brighter arena if others just
Really truly understood that we are all connected.
Apr 2017 · 274
On My Way To Strarbrick
It is a peaceful feeling to be able to just to listen
To the female without wanting to get into her pants
Don't get me wrong the thought crossed my mind
But I didn't act on it by being preverted by feeling her up
It was a beautiful moment
Mar 2017 · 286
The Final Outcome
Why is the world so ****** up?
Am I adding to the **** up ness
Or am I contributing something
The sad truth is I'm adding chaos
There is no peace in me
Turmoil and despair is all I see
I think positive
Only to have it come crashing down
I've spent my whole life taking from the Universe
It's no wonder why things are the way they are
Karma has a huge role in it
Cause all I think about is me me me
And not focus on the other person
I am sometimes interested
But for the most part it's about me
So sad that I can be that way
How do I possibly change
When all I've ever been is extremely selfish?
I want to give back to society
Everyone has put up with me for far too long
I feel it's my duty to show my gratitude
For I am still breathing fresh air
And not locked up
Or in a mental institution
Going beserk
And the final outcome
Dead
It's hard to say goodbye
Just to detach from the mess
It's hard to look you in the eyes
And not coward before my words
Letting you go like the wind
Once it brought you just as quick in my life
Like magic being seen on stage
I looked into your heart and liked what I saw
Then things were brought to my attention
And I thought then to end it but didnt
Then I failed at keeping up to my end of the deal
And you should of ended it but didn't
So through years of ups and downs
It has come to the bitter end
Too much negativity
And I can't deal with it anymore
You pushed me away
And maybe you had every right
But now there's more than just us
Another life is involved
And I pray there's no goodbye
But a very warm welcome throughout her life
Mar 2017 · 184
Laugh At Fucking Dooshbags
It's strange.
So ******* weird.
I'm 43 years old
And am still getting bullied
People are ****** up
Especially my neighbor's upstairs
They have three kids
There are three adults
And all of them live in a one bedroom apartment
There is so much ******* noise it's not even funny
No one can make that much noise on accident
I understand kids will be kids
But there's stomping on the floor done on purpose
I went to her first and asked for them to tone it down
She gave me attitude and told me she has a freakin' one year old
Then I went to the landlord and the noise got worse
I called the cops on them and the noise diffently got worse
So I have to bend over and take it up the ******* ***
Why they ******* care I'm living down here and they're trying
To get my goat and make my life miserable
But the joke is on ******* them
For the most part I look the other way
They think it really bothers me, they are mistaken
I have dealt with ******* like these throughout my life
They're not ******* happy unless they make others unhappy
They're trying to get a rise out of me and I'm through with them
They can make all the noise they want
Their not my problem. They're so ******* pathetic it's funny
Maybe they want my apartment, I don't know
Or maybe they're just so ******* miserable they can't find
Anything constructive other than causing trouble
So I say **** them. They're nothing but dooshbags
And I laugh at ******* dooshbags.
Mar 2017 · 338
Choices
You ever feel like the world is crashing upon you
I surely do. It seems like I can't do anything right,
Say the right words to make things okay.
It seems like everywhere I go people aren't kind
They have their own agendas and they want to
**** any happiness I have and make me feel
Miserable likes they do. Well, **** that! They
All can eat **** and die! They ain't taking away
What I have worked o for seven months being
Clean and sober, not an ounce of alcohol or any
Drug. I'm taking classes to learn about myself
And the way I tick, most my problems come from
Past trama. So much anger built up inside of
Me from being molested when I was eight. It only
Happened once, a lot of people have deals with it
For years but it still happened nevertheless and
Really ****** with my head. The person who did
It was a family member and he is now a minister
Go ******* figure. Now that diffently ***** with
My head when it comes to religion and someone
Talking about God. But where I'm at right at the
Present time is a place I was pushed to. My
Girlfriend wouldn't give up her mom and move
Her to some place where she could get the help
Needed. She chose her over me, for two months
I kept telling her that if she doesn't choose I was
Going to move out. Well, needless to say she didn't
Quite choose anything but even not choosing is a
Decision. So I moved out and she can have her mom
The bad part about it is me and my girlfriend have
A daughter together. I tried every means to fix what
Was broken but my girlfriend just thought everything
Was fine. So I made the choice to move to clear my
Head. Though I miss my daughter tremendously.
I wish life was simple and everything could go my
Way but that ain't life and I'm not God. Now since
Moving here I have neighbors upstairs who are so
Loud it's affecting my serenity. Now I have to move
Out and find a better place where this **** doesn't
Happen. So here I am life, take me as I am cause
Apparently you want to **** with me.
Mar 2017 · 222
Loop
Self sabotage, what a mess
I keep doing this to myself
How can reality just be
When I keep hurting myself?
I take leaps of faith
Only to make them come
Crashing down
I try to make it right
But reality only slips through
My hands
temptation takes over
And I drink again
What the **** am I doing?
I want a good life
But the darkness grabs a hold
And throws me for a loop
Into the depth of despair
I come crawling out
How much more grace
Will the Universe give me?
It seems I take it for granted
And just leave my tracks
In the dust
Yes, I was here
Now you have to clean
Up my mess
What the **** am I doing?
I can't seem to get ahead
Maybe it's the fact I think
I am separate from everyone
When actually we're all the same
Our heartbeat's by the same power
So it's very important not to sabotage
My life anymore
Rather take hold of this Power
And let reality just be
Mar 2017 · 173
Drown Me
I don't want to feel
I want to be numb
All this work on myself
Seems like a waste of time
I want to come to know me
My identity has been shackled
Chained up for a very long time
I want to be free
A sense of peace like a rainbow
Seeing the colors makes me smile
And feel good about life
But a dark cloud hovers over me
And I want to run
Say, "**** it"
And crack open a bottle
Drown all my worries
Drown all my emotions
Drown me
Feb 2017 · 530
Different Now
If I could take back
Everything I have written
Would I?
I have thrown away so many papers
That I thought weren't good enough
Now looking back
I wish I could have them back
Just to see what state of my mentality was
Cause I know I wasn't sure of things
Just as I am now
But what words I used as a teenager
Was I negative
Like I pretty much am now
Or was I cheery
I doubt that
Just because of my history
But it would be nice to see how
The poems were constructed
Where I was going with everything
Maybe my words would be different now
Feb 2017 · 341
Select Few
This world is not kind by no means
It is full of stupid people
Everywhere I go I seem like I
Have to bend over and take it up
The ******* ***.
Boy I must like to get ****** that way
People are not nice not kind
They are all full of ****
I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots
But I guess that's the way it goes
I try to be kind but people think
That's just a way to weakness
Where I'm at, you have to play the badass
And that's seems like the story of my life
I don't want no ******* pity nor feelings is sorrow
I just would like to know why the universe
Seems like it's not aligned with me
That it wants me to experience these things
Well, I don't want to
I want peace of mind
But karma wants to **** with me
Well, **** karma!
I'm tired of dooshbags that want to **** with me
Is that all the world is made up of- troublemakers
Well **** that!
I'm on the verge of going beserk
And take all these ******* out of here
I feel a lot of people don't even need to be breathing
I feel the world would be a better place if they were dead
Thank the Heavenly Stars I'm not God
There would be a select few
Sorry with the pessism, I'm just so disgusted with people it ain't even funny. There are too many humans that are devils all dressed up in their finest. That get away with too much ****.
Feb 2017 · 208
Begin To Know
I walked around the city I'm new in
Looking for the post office
So I could get a money order
For my new landlord
Here and there people I did see
But most the traffic was on the streets
I had to pay close attention to walking across a street
Lest I get run down by a speeding vehicle
So many people in their cars and trucks
Racing to a destination that will still be there
Even if they slowed down a little bit
But who am I? Not a person with driver's license
My means of transportation are my feet
And it's been that way for a long time
Do I want to drive? Sure I do, who wouldn't?
I've been told it's a freedom like no other
To be able to get up and go
And go anywhere in this great Country of ours
I would be a fool to not want to experience that
But I have always known no other way
Could it be I'm just scared of change
Scared of the unknown
Scared to take a risk
Just maybe everything will turn out okay
And I can begin to know the freedom of what they talk about
It's really hard to open up
Share the most personal thing going on
Then to find the one to trust
Others will use it against me
Try to make me look weak
Try to dominate me
And think they're so much above me
They can't see themselves
They're not aware
They don't know what makes them tick
They don't even care
They're out there to get theirs
And they'll stomp on people's toes
To let them know to get out of their way

Is that how I should be, an *******?
Is that how I should act, with no consideration?
My mom taught me from right and wrong
And church set me on a good direction
Now I'm not religious by no means
And can't tell you how things work
But I'm not a ******* by no means
I can act like a ****
I can act like an *******
Everyone has that temptation
I try to think good thoughts about people
But most of the time I have lost faith in humanity
I haven't lost faith in the Universe
But when it comes to the behaviors of others
I'm kind of lost for words
I can't be too ******* others
Because I have acted out in one time or another
And I'm still learning how to tame my ego
But when people just don't care about someone else
And doing all their power to make trouble
That's where I lose faith
Isn't there any hope in humanity
Or are we just ****** up individuals trying to make a name?
A good reputation is good
And a bad one is good
Just depending on how the person views it
It's still attention
And I feel that's all people care about
They want that attention
It should be on them
Good or bad
It's still attention
I know I was that way at a time
It's called being a child

So all the ones that are troublemakers
Go **** yourselves
You're nothing to me
Just a **** in the wind
We're all going to return to dust
Skeletons buried in the ground
Or taken to the fire
Either way
What should it matter?
Go **** yourselves
All the attention seekers
Grow the **** up
And leave me out of the drama
Feb 2017 · 302
Much About Nothing
Who are people trying to please
Is it themselves
Thinking they know about something
When they really don't
I should know
I know not much about anything
Am not good with my hands
Don't know how to build anything
Not an electrician
Don't know how to wire anything
I'm not a computer genius
Hardly can get into my emails
Not know what's a good remedy for anything
Don't know about any wives tails
Am not a geographical genius
I can get lost walking out my door in a heartbeat
No one should dare ask me for direction
I'll have them end up in the river
I'm really not a poet
Just someone spouts off some words
I can make them sound nasty
Or I can make them sound good
But honestly, what the **** do I know
I can't be famous, that will never happen
I have to look at it realistically
Words I write are simple
Not much poetry in that
They are direct and to the ******* point
Much about my experiences in life
They are not extravagant words
So poetically aligned like the Universe set it up that way
No. Just me in a nutshell and my ****** up life
So, where do I go from here?
Just kind of floating through life
Get blown around this way and that
Cause that's where the wind ******* blows

So many people think they know everything
They'll open their mouths and say I know how to do this
And most of the time they do
They have know humility
And they'll make you feel like ****
They are one of those jack of all trades
They know quite a bit about everything
They're architects
They're craftsmen
They're doctors
And lawyers
And mechanics
And electricians
And writers
And lawmen
And just about much of everything
They know how to do it
And they do it well
Well, I'm not one of those people
I take great pride in not knowing much about nothing
Jan 2017 · 436
Pretty Damn Good Thing
Sometimes I think the Universe is out to get me
Sometimes I think
Most days it's okay
I feel a connection with God
Now I know I cuss way too much
Say things that aren't very politically correct
Really, my words are totally ****** up
But I believe God doesn't judge
And if I feel His love then I'm doing pretty **** good
Even if the Universe throws me some curve *****
Jan 2017 · 897
Entirely Up To Me
Time can't be a friend
And let me know it will stand by me
It's always leaving
It's always saying goodbye
And the one who suffers in the end is me
I look in the mirror
And I'm not the same as I was years ago
Does that mean I should have wisdom?
I don't know if I have even an ounce of that
All I do know is time keeps taking me places I never dreamed of
And I'm in the situations cause time seems fit
Whether I take some time to thank the Stars
Is entirely up to me
Jan 2017 · 217
Screwed
Most days I don't want to be an adult
I find it difficult to act the role
Wouldn't it be nice to be a child again
Innocent, not confined to anything
Playful, always wrapped around mother's arms
Feeling protected and secure of everything
But as a grown up it's not easy to be mindful
So many people try to push your buttons
How do you really act when others are being inconsiderate
When they don't even care about it either?
They think it's funny to be *******
They can care less about their actions
It's like life is one big party to them
Oh, well. They're going to do what they're going to do
And there is nothing I can say or do to make them stop
So I'm *******. I might as well come to grips with that
Jan 2017 · 173
Spirit
There wasn't much more to say

I had to go no matter what

You couldn't make a decision

You wanted everything to remain the same

But my heart had to leave

Because there was no way of killing my spirit

I had to soar above and beyond

Away from all of the chaos
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