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 Apr 2014 Jaime Guzman
Anna
They say mind over matter as if it is a good thing
As if it is a good thing that my mind is taking over my body
As if it is a good thing that my mind moves my mouth to say things I don't want to
As if it's a good thing that my mind gets so cluttered I can't even see straight
As if it's a good thing that my hands move to hit when I don't want to
Or when I can't even leave my bed even though I have a thousand things to do
Or when I start shaking uncontrollably, like the heart within me has cracked down the middle and shifted out of place like tectonic plates
When my mind turns me into a walking earthquake, HOW is that ok?!
They say mind over matter as if its OKAY for me to still cry about things that don't matter
As if it's ok for Ruby Sparks to snap her fingers and bark like a dog
MY MIND IS TAKING OVER EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS AND THERES NO WAY I CAN STOP IT
My mind is not a sacred pure place, it it is dark and angry
I can't change it so easily because controlling the thing that is in control is more complex than you think
I control my arms with my brain, I control my mouth with my brain, I control my legs with my brain
but how can i control my brain with my brain
I did some frantic writing in the woods today. God this is awful. I'll work on it.
Light is more important than the lantern,
The poem more important than the notebook,
And the kiss more important than the lips.
My letters to you
Are greater and more important than both of us.
The are the only documents
Where people will discover
Your beauty
And my madness.
“Follow your dreams!” Said the sage
“But what if you wake and they’re gone?”
“Well maybe you’ll soon come of age?”
“Or maybe I simply have none!”

The years soon past and enlightenment never came
Maybe the wise man was wrong
To rise every morning always the same
No direction for moving along

“Reach for the stars!” said the sage
“But what if I can’t see the sky?”
“Maybe it’s only a stage?”
“Maybe I can, if I try!?”

Well time ticked by but the stars never shone
Maybe the wise man was wrong
Had those pin ****** to heaven faded and gone
Or just never there all along

“What should I do?” said the youth
“Follow your dreams!” I replied
“But for you it was never the truth!”
“Well maybe the old sage had lied?”
To the left was my mother
To the right was my father
Both turning as blue as the ice that lay beneath me
My vision goes black
When it comes back I see the white of my breath traveling above my nose
They were gone
Dust from ******* caught my lungs
My cough echoed into the dusk of winter
I pulled at my curls as I usually did
Little golden locks follow my white knuckles until they start to fall out
I had no idea what to do
Men in suits passed me as if I wasn't even there
I cried and cried for help but they didn't seem phased by my tears
I kissed mother and father goodbye on their pink frozen cheeks
The man yelling orders stood far away
I climbed over mountains of broken brick to reach the man in the uniform
Running right into the ironed crease of his khakis
I felt nothing
So I opened my squinted green eyes to see I had passed right through him
My family destroyed in the streets made it to the kingdom in the sky
& I was stuck in the middle yelling at men that couldn't even hear me cry

— The End —