The time it'll take you to realize I'm gone is enough time for me to run away, slowly taking myself apart, like a jigsaw puzzle. I'll be in a hundred pieces and before you can even find all of them I will have already been gone. Disappeared into the wind, like leaves falling in Maine autumn.
   I hope you cry the hardest you ever did, and realize that it wasn't myself in the end who killed me. It was you. You talking behind my back, you making me feel so incompetent, you thinking I wanted it to be about myself.
   I hope you realize that I cared more about you and the other than myself or getting better. I relapsed again and again cause I was dealing with your problems, I never said not to talk to me. I let you in, and in the end I just got hurt.
   I'm sorry about your mom. I'm sorry that I'm not the best son. I'm sorry that I'm never good enough. I'm sorry when this finally ends.

The razor bites into my skin like a wolf attacking it's prey. Blood drips out and oozes into a pool, cuts further into me till I can't hold in my tears any longer. I want to cry out in pain but know well enough I don't deserve even that. The thoughts take over my body, cut deeper till I know I'll feel the pain for days.

I'm not good enough for her. For anyone. I deserve pain. It rips out chunks of who I am, causing me to feel nothing. Just nothing. Alone, forever. I'll always. always. be alone.

The razor bites into me. I am nothing. I become nothing. I was nothing. I never was anything special.

Crayons that are broken
still color just fine
injecting their beauty
within the drawn lines
of the book they were given
on the day of their birth
proof beyond measure
that the autistic have worth
yes they may seem quite different
but a problem it's not
so please all we ask
is you give them a shot

Don't sleep, these thoughts will only keep racing
Don't sleep, you're a legend in the making
These opportunities among us
Don't sleep, you’re too old to dream
Don't sleep, you're way too young to be
Please, I want you to stay among us
Don't sleep, you're way too young to

Close your eyes
but please talk to me
Don't you walk toward that light
you mean so much more to me

Will you be my shooting star?
An angel in the sky?
I never thought you’d fall this hard
Please fall into my arms tonight
My shooting star

Don’t sleep, come watch two stars collide
Don’t sleep and I swear you’ll be just fine
There is so much metal among us
Don’t sleep and I swear you’ll make it out alive
Don’t sleep, I know there is some fight in you
Look at all these tubes among us
Don’t sleep, there is so much left to do

Close your eyes
but please talk to me
Don't you walk toward that light
you mean so much more to me

Will you be my shooting star?
An angel in the sky?
I never thought you’d fall this hard
Please fall into my arms tonight
My shooting star

Close you’re eyes
you don’t have to speak
Go ahead and rest
You’’ve earned that at least
You tried your best
All of your cards on the table
How will heaven feel
With two more angels.

You're a shooting star so
We’ll watch the earth from the sky
I never thought you’d fall so hard
Please fall into my arms tonight
My shooting star

Insanity, I can't find my sanity,
                            in the wake of all this
                                       insanity.

I bought a new mattress today.
I guess that means I'm staying alive
For another eight to ten years, at least.

If you were to ask me what my name is, I would hesitate.
I would hesitate for I know not how to respond.
My name is not of my own, but a faded thing, like a memory or a dream.
A memory of who I used to be, or rather, who I never was, who everyone else dreamed me to be.
I am not my name.
I am not something to rely on when things go wrong.
I am not the things forced within a heart.
I am not the thing that keeps most breathing.
I am not Hope.

They said time flies,
that a moment will fall through your palms like sand
If it's so fast we can't see it with our eyes,
how do I react to a pill this size and
move my hands to guard against
my throat opening;
my hands are closing in.
Reality won't be the death of me,
I'll die awake but dreaming
in a fantasy