i miss who i was before too
just not in the same way as you do
her bright smile
monday's child
her heart now silver and blue

languid dreamer
could never keep her
from starting that fire
for the believer
just for the evening
mirrors made of her own design
never seem to be enough
to keep them blind

her stormy eyes
always asking why
they never seem to see her

i have realized i can't stand being touched.
not after him.
i crave the warmth of another soul,
but i flinch, i shrink, dread settling in.

breaths ragged like the flowers
i once placed in his hair.
a scream claws at my throat,
i can't stand to be here.

release me from his phantom jaws,
let me force life back into my lungs.
his behavior never gave him pause,
i can't stand to see what he has brung.

i need to be held, to be warm.
to be safe and nestled by your form.
so please be patient, and never ask why
i cry when you graze my scars
with nothing but something truly kind.

N▇▇▇▇,
since we last talked, i wanted to tell you what you missed.

• truthfully, i wish you had been there when i was ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇.

• i thought you would have wanted to know that ▇▇▇ to ▇▇▇▇▇ again.

• also i found out that ▇▇▇▇ is
▇▇▇▇▇ than i ever realized.

• do you still ▇▇▇▇▇▇ ?
do you think ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ ?

• i wonder, did you ever ▇▇▇▇▇ what ▇▇▇▇ ? did ▇▇▇▇▇ it? you must have, otherwise, you ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇ stayed.

• anyways, you also missed just how ▇▇▇
and ▇▇▇ i have ▇▇▇▇ the ▇▇.



and most of all, ▇▇▇ you ▇▇▇ don't truly ▇▇▇▇ deserve ▇▇ to ▇▇▇ know, ▇▇▇
not anymore. ▇▇▇

                                                     --M▇▇▇▇

shrinking, squeezing, constricting
like old lovers do
im falling down the space between molecules
be my hydrogen, let me be stable
pressing my fingers into the table
(will it go through this time?)

the tension between my temples
seem to be courting, it's simple.
just not elevated, alone, or incidental.
tease apart my form, my chemical bonds
fissure the aching need
from when it was thought to be wrong.

if carbon is carbon,
and dust is dust,
when will i find my home in You?
i know i must.

divine serpent twisting her lungs
burning the sheets because she likes the taste of ash on her tongue
an angel would shred his wings
just to get the chance to dive into her lake
all repenting is done on the knees,
i breathe, i break

shatter
and mend
hazy pools evaporate
when the curve is just over the bend
writhing, like cyaninde does in my veins
savagery and bliss do consummate
in this battle of a lover's only cellmate

the night's estranged urges
alabaster flesh, a collage of need
darkest hour brings an unexpected liability
for i am in need of breaking
to remember how it feels to be whole.

now my thighs are shaking
as if my inhibitions are obsolete
it's not just the moonlight
that makes my skin luminous
it's the effort of my strife that makes me complete