The day I have it all figured out
You'll crumble to ash and dust
I'll see you sit and cry and pout
What good was I, machine with rust

And what good is progression in myself
If you're unavailable to see it brew
I throw the dust right off the shelf
You'll never be the one who grew

And when you wanted it all
I just wanted it to last
Come as you are
And I will be disappointed
Just like I was when I saw
The person I became
Was lovesick in memory
Memoria

If I wake up to the sun
I'm next to my lover
If I wake up forgetful and cold
A man I've never met has his arm
Wrapped around me, slow dancing in a bed
Of mistakes and unhappy schemes
Once upon a time I could wake up
And know that he was the first thing
I'd think of in my feeble mind

But like most I'm left running
From the mistakes you left
Discarded the mess of me
Left the mess of you
Once you found another
How quick that heart was on sale
Ready to be used and confused again
Could have sworn it expired

But my armor shines bright
All my friends are irresolute
Get lonely, fall in love, hate life
Sometimes you forget that
And as much as I want to call you
A malevolent heartbreaker
I know your heart means well

Share it, share it all again
The times we had were worth it
I'd be lying if I said
I didn't enjoy having someone
To share it all with too
But I'll never be like you
And you'll never be like me
That's why we broke up
In the first place

I wake up
To a new day
Without him
Every day
But a new day
Nonetheless

Tomorrow never feels right
Today becomes wasted
While I sit miserably
With a mind idle and weak
And yesterday? It burns
Straight into my skin
It's a cigarette, with its ash
Kissing my skin and landing
In a new direction
That I can't seem to find
I'm on my knees, crying
Over a situation I can't solve
But the steps don't seem impossible
So I accept that I'm wrong
And I'll see my mistakes one day
Next to my beautiful reminders
Knowing that though I have come far
I'm the same bright burning star

And I still cling
As I bridge the gap of confusion
Painted across your brim grin
You’ll never know what it means
To stay awake for the hazy mist
To pass on by as you gasp for breath
On the descent towards a dark abyss
**** what the others told you
**** what the others told me
I crave the moon, the stars, the planets
And what they tell me I am to be
In the mystery of your name
As witty as a boy could be
I couldn’t forget the first time you kissed me
As Leviathan carries me towards death
I drown slowly into the scaly dimensions,
Much like I held you in my arms
I’m flung from the soft skin you embody
And into a pit of wondering
I’ll cling, but for how long?

I hold on
Even if it ******* kills me
I hold on
Like there’s no person that can do it better
I hold on
When you leave me this lonely and cold
I hold on
Thinking about our best days together
I hold on
Every day I feel like giving up on you
I hold on
Because you are the most beautiful I’ve ever seen
I hold on
Feeling like I could lose you any day
I hold on
Wondering what you’re doing without me
I hold on
Trusting you with my battered and bruised heart
I hold on
Loving you in the sun, rain, sleet, or snow
I hold on
Holding you when I need it the most
I hold on
Will you hold on too?

For 20 years
I suffer 20 tears
But more than you think
I slash out the tires
While I carry an albatross on my back
I can burn neither of them
And God laughs at me
For He knows that my heart
Is feeble and vulnerable


For 20 years
I’ve sat and drank the poison
Lived the good lies
Of an inauthentic life
For every sleepless night
I carry this body of mine
To the wonders of certainty
And miraculously make due
With this punctured hole in my soul

For 20 years
I melt into an iceberg
Warm on the edges
But ice cold in the center
I ask you
The one who loves me
In the times I lose myself
Break the pain
And the bones that suffer as well

I'm only but 19
Yet I've held it all in
Like a brazen bull
For 20

Set the scene
I'm drunk again
Off our satisfaction
Lifted off from a land
Where I tell all
You love me like you know
I heal your love of lonely
And you accept my embrace
Like you know you need it
But babe, so do I
And your lips, soft and tender
Make my heart stretch
Wanting to kiss you stupid
Make your face feel
Like it will never be lonely
As I pierce your glaucous bubble
You come to life
Crystal and reflective
But visible all the same