I can't cut
No more
No
No
No
I promised

But the feelings are so strong
Overflowing me
I need them to pour down my arm
And out of my body

I can't
I can't be that weak
I just need to breathe
...
My lungs fail me

But no
No
No
I can't reach for it
Not allowed
Not anymore
Done with that, right?
I really just want to grab the knife
Razor
Needle
Anything
And end this misery
At least soothe it a little

But no
No
No
No
I can't

i think i’m like the sun.
you bask in me,
let me warm you,
fill you.
i light you up in ways
you didn’t know you needed.

and it feels good,
until it doesn’t.
until you wake up
burnt,
red,
empty.
betrayed by the very thing
you thought was saving you.

i never meant to hurt you.
i only meant to glow.
but maybe i don’t know
how to shine
without setting fire.

carry on 5.7.25 (3:39 pm)
sure, maybe everything is going wrong
it’s always been ****** up
i was just too busy to notice

but we’ve always got to carry on
carry on,
carry on, hold your baggage close
hold a suitcase full of memories
wear a backpack full of grief
they might hurt your shoulders for now
but these kinds of things make you stronger

carry on,
carry the ones you love with you
carry on, always carry on

maybe you’ve lied
and maybe you’ll lie again
but we can forget and carry on

maybe you’ve betrayed me
and maybe you will again
but i can forgive
and carry on

carry on
because what else can we do?

[playing: imperfect for you by ariana grande]

too sad for words 6.21.25 (5:10 pm / 17:10)
i am just so sad sometimes
too sad for words

seasonal depression 6.20.25 (4:30 pm / 16:30)
summer makes me sad this year
i can’t remember if it’s always been this way
i feel empty without school even though that’s what made me like this

pointless without some kind of schedule and goal
it’s so peaceful now
but i’m alone with my thoughts
even this sadness is wrong
most people are more depressed in the winter
or so they say

i stopped drawing and my sketchbook is full of poems
in dying pen

summer makes me sad this year
the way i’ve changed so much i can’t even remember how i was
before

[playing: rocket ships by cavetown]