the fact that the price tag is still on the beanie you bought me,
claims the truth
it's not that the little things were priceless,
it's that they turned up worthless
up to no point in return
I'm such a hypocrite saying that I never ******* lie
lately, it seems that I do it all the time
all of the poison that I drank
from the cup you gave me
I should have never accepted
I must have been ******* crazy
you would never deserve a poem from me
I'm already speaking too much
you were never worth a moment of my time
wasted in more ways than one
this bottle of gin never loved me more
the fact that the little **** I see
reminds me of you
and the thought I was once loved
makes me sick
I wish I would have known before that I was meant to fix you up
call me a ******* repairman
man, that's ****** up
what did I ever do to deserve this?
the biggest heart
and never a flinch
but when you look back
you call me a *****
you say the opposite of everything I've ever done
I don't understand that logic
at the end
you're the one who ran
at least after the end of reading this
I can still stand

giving someone the option to discover what's buried deep inside frightens me
the chance of me opening up screams vulnerability
my demons are aching to break out, rattling the chains so loud
to the point where I can't seem to hear myself think
thoughts are scrambled and anxiety kicks in
who'd ever think to love a villain?

been in this world for decades
watching as everything fades
one glance and it's gone
not long enough to form a memory
forgotten into existence
until the next 'almost', rolls around

reminiscing on what we once had
tired of my thoughts taking me to the past
don't want to remember
what we once lacked

it wasn't love
yet my heart never gave up
over time
realized what you were made of

apologizing for the **** you did to me
left alone at night
choking on my own tears
you caused, i couldn't breathe

until one day i opened my eyes
wide enough to see through your lies
no longer hiding
no longer looking the other way
while a piece of me dies

bittersweet
when i think about the ripe beginning
we once enjoyed
yet you amazed me
how easily it can be destroyed

when I wake up
I'm always starving
with the thought of you on my mind
the taste of you on my tongue
the way you fill me up
breakfast in bed
the way i like your legs
over-easy

day dreaming
glance at the clock
it's almost time for lunch
searching for you like a hawk
excuse my pardon
but i'm starvin' like marvin'


it's almost time for dinner
i hit the lottery
winner, winner, chicken dinner
i can just feel ya
nice and juicy
as i bite into your leg
all of these emotions i can barely take

maybe after midnight
i want a snack
you're the good thing that happens after 2AM

I've been hungry with you on mind
if you have strings
I'll pull them aside
swear baby, I just want to unwind

you make me feel like a ******
why am I always hungry?

mesmerized
you got me daydreaming
about your eyes
I almost forget to breathe
when you stand right next to me
you get me so high
you're out of the universe
the way you got me locked
it's like a curse
i'd never wish this upon anyone else
am i selfish?
only want it for myself

your eyes
are the only ones that I want to get lost in
your smile
makes me want to be the reason
your laugh
is music to my heart
thinking of your skin gives me goosebumps
lately, I've been craving your taste
I can never get enough of you
hearing you talk to me turns me on
won't you please baby
crave my satisfaction
out of everyone in this world
you're the one for me
I truly believe dreams come true
but baby, if we're being real
you're more than a dream

it's late at night
i've been crying
can't seem to get you out of my mind
got me up all night
wondering why
I was never enough for you

I gave you my all
and then I gave you more
I gave you my heart
but you threw that out the door

I tried to be the girl that you wanted
but I couldn't force you to want me
even after all the tears I shed
I was too blind to see
you weren't the one for me

im alone
but im tired of feeling lonely
stuck at home
like nobody wants me
the sun shining in my window
only brings me down

pull the covers over my head
enough to hide my frown
sitting in bed
staring at my phone
can't remember the sound
of my ringtone

you'd think I'm in hell
the way my chest is on fire
yet my skin's so pale
my coldest desire
a bottle of gin
makes me the worlds best liar

two's company
and three's a crowd
if you invite your friend
things could get loud

take a shot for me
make it a double
might get into trouble
the nights still young
but we're not having any fun

you could keep me warm but the sun is bound to rise
back to my covers
leaving feelings undiscovered
if only you knew
what I dealt with, to begin with
then maybe things could be different

so ill be lonely
if it means that you will call me
but don't leave me hanging
while my eyes get drowsy

don't leave me all alone

life
its passing by
don't you realize

when i open my eyes
i wonder why
another reason to live

here i am
breathing

another sip of a gin
here we are again
night of darkness
seeping in

don't you ever want to take control?.

when we touch
i feel it all

all of my life
i could never control inside
it was always
in my mind
for the time
being

should have known from the very start
you were only going to break my heart
why oh why didn't I see the signs
should have known every day I cried

begging you to love me right
all you ever stayed was quiet
they weren't lying when they say love is blind
couldn't lose you without a fight

but you proved me wrong
over and over again

savage love
you really broke me
savage love
why can't you see
what we coulda been

it's not that i want to let go
it's that there is nothing left to hold on to
you've proven me wrong each and every time
and yet i have hope
or maybe it's just love

I don't want to let go
but what's left to hold on?
reaching for your arm
for a touch that's so warm
it feels like love
i don't want to let go
but maybe you do

why do we choose toxicity?
we crave peace and tranquility
but we survive on the drama
the intense emotions that rise up inside us
keeping us alive

who
am I? if not another ruined soul amongst these tortures of will
what?
if at all
is there to discover about me,
or if you even care?
when?
is all of this happening if not back in my mind then in this horror of a lifestyle
where?
can I find myself
definitely not amongst casuals
why?
if at all am I chose to exist in this lifestyle
if I am not the one doing the choosing?

this feeling inside me devours every inch of my brain
just picks at it until there is nothing left but scattered ashes
left is the remains of what was
absolutely nothing

gravity isn't the thing that weighs me down but it's the thing that keeps me standing upright
I guess that's the one good thing about living here on earth

you know, I have heard a saying "hell is other people", but in this case, hell is living with myself.
living with the idea that once was,
am I to blame myself for not receiving the energy I so wish to deserve
let alone, being enough to deserve anything

love is outer space
enough to view the twinkle in the stars at night
or the moon and all of its phases
it's enough to feel the warmth of the sun glistening on your skin
to embrace the clouds and the sunsets that exist so effortlessly beautiful

yet, far from me to even reach
to want something that is just in the tips of your fingertips but not enough to grasp onto it
fighting for a feeling to live a love that flows carelessly

if I should disappear, would I still exist in your mind?

at the end of the day, what's left to hold on to?

hurting myself seems fun
the salt in the wound
gives me a run,
for my life
just wanna live enough
to give me that edge
maybe it's all I ever needed

tired of being alone
would you even bother to pick up the phone?
begging for attention
is not what I ever wanted
imagine

tears bleed red
down the stream
where i can’t breathe
gasping
the taste of salt coming into my mouth
burning down my throat
stabbing pains start to feel velvety
as i wither away to numbness
i watch the scars imbed themselves into my skin
and then i wake
i awake the demons lurking in the shadows of my mind
they remain dark unbothered my the sunlight
anonymous to everyone but me
hell becomes reality

trying to bring you closer to me is only pushing you farther from my reach
connecting to a ghost is a pale memory of wanting to exist
amongst the rest
an endless cycle of highs and lows
a constant rollercoaster
breaking down in the midst of it all