Perseverance is fleeting; there are times when
failure overwhelms all senses
and seeps into your thoughts like
black ink upon fibrous paper.

It taints your perspective on the world
and targets your weakest points
to fuel the negativity and self-doubt, leaving
nothing but hatred toward your own mind.

We all experience this at some point in our lives,
but some people must face this beast
time and time again, always expected
to recover for the sake of others' reassurance.

Escaping the sorrow may seem unfeasible;
broken wills may seem irreparable;
the prospect of recovery may seem preposterous
and hope might feel lost.

When you believe that life's purpose is sinister
and that continuing on is a punishment to be feared,
just remember that perseverance is fleeting;
but you've made it this far.

Over the crack in the pavement I walk, four more steps, again.

Carefully scanning every familiar environment for threats; they are all around me.

Devils inside whisper gruesome thoughts that poison my mind and fray my nerves.  

Insecurities plague my body, demanding to be acknowledged and obeyed.

Scratches appear on my arms; deep trenches from last night’s terrors.  

Maybe I forgot to vacuum… or check for locked doors…  

Yelling erupts inside my head, I need to go back to reassure these persistent voices.

Moving towards the wall, I give four taps; this will silence them for now.

Overwhelmed again, this time my mouth starts to count aloud: one, two, three, four; an endless loop.

Needless washing all day- dry, aching hands scrub again and again, then reach for more soap.  

Sacrifices are made faithfully, I lose more of my passions and friends as this hellish nightmare continues.  

Time flies as I organize… three hours to make the bed and straighten the lines on my uneven comforter.  

Every routine is completed to agonizing perfection; all are followed until the next day when I  

Repeat.