Laying with him
His skin on my skin
I pictured us older, living together
I can see it clearly
While laying with him
I envision our life
How we'll act
Who we'll be
The house sometimes change
We're always the same

Dancing and cleaning
Laughing and smiles
Lazy movie nights
Occasional dates and making love
I see it all while laying with him

I like to think of of living together
No boundaries to hold us apart
One of my biggest dreams
Is sleeping in his arms

I see us making plans
Compromising what we want
I see us together clearly
Forget the rest of the lot
I can see our future
while laying with him

As I lay here
Restless and thinking
I think about school,homework, and my family


But every once in a while
I can't help it


I go back to when you loved me
Or said you did at least
And I wonder


Wonder what we could be
What we could do
I wonder why you did this to me


Was it a goal?
A hope?
A dream?


You say it wasn't me
But I know that's not true


You lost interest
You loved another girl
I was a distraction
I was in the way


So you fixed that
And sometimes while I lay thinking,
I can't help but to think what we could be


Now this is me Signing off with. Goodbye and sweet dreams

I think I change
"what I want to be when I grow up"
so much because
I'm not sure if
I'll let myself live that long.

I promised myself
that I'd never write a poem
about you.

But you stabbed me
in the back;
I just apologized for
getting blood on you.

Breaks aren't permanent, right?
There's still an us, right?

I looked at the pictures in your snap story,
the ones with your arms around that girl,
on a continuous loop
for the 24 hours they were available.

I know what that look
that was in your eyes means.
I've seen it a million times.
Does what I know you did
count as cheating
if it's during a break?

You said you needed time.
Yet, I so desperately
want to speak you.
I'll apologize again,
who knows what for.

Call me "***" again
and make me smile
because it feels like those muscles
aren't working
on my own.

We can't fix anything
without talking.
Oh god, come online
and speak to me.

I can't remove the knife
by myself.
At least take responsibility
and clean up your mess.

the only time
that I don't have
nightmares
is when I sleep
next to you.
my dark circles
now almost look
fake.
I've been too scared
to sleep
for weeks now.
caffeine
can't comfort me
like you do.