What does depression look like?
Oh, please tell me. I must know!
Is it just a hoax or a mind game played with me?
Why does it feel like my heart will bleed?
That pitter-patter I hear in my chest
Is it just a heartbeat or is a metronome ticking away the minutes until my mind goes astray?
What does depression look like?
A foggy glass pane?
That noise it makes when it rains?
It feels like an eternity, when it's only been an hour.
It feels like when you can't get out of the shower.
What does depression look like?
Oh can't you see!!!
Depression, oh depression, is inside of me!
He is not polite and he does not use manners!
He just barges in and demands I answer
What does depression look like?
My bed hasn't been made in years and my friends all bore me to tears
But where do I draw the line
Between where my brain is ****** up and everything is fine?
Please, God, tell me!
Does everyone feel this way or is it just me?
Am I being irrational?
Do I let my brain wander?
Between what's real or if it was just a blunder
What does depression look like?
I haven't left the house in months
And when I do I just feel in a rut
I wonder if people see me and think I'm okay?
I wonder if I prayed this would all go away?
I'm a being of lonliness, sorrow and despair.
I'm a creature cursed with depression
My bones are crumbling and bare
What does depression look like?
You tell me 
I'm quiet on the outside and screaming internally
I feel myself decaying and I feel my heart breaking
I just want to wake up from this horrifying dream
Where every piece of me is splitting at the seams
I don't try to be depressed
I want to smile but it's hard when there's weights pulling down on your eyeballs
And I want to tell you all that I'm not okay
But I'm afraid I can't come out with that
No not today.

Unsaturated and full of fear
Speaking faintly, consciously
Through these stupid ******* poems
Both of us adore so much
Refreshing every second to see if you have said more
Please say more.

Five fingers clasped hands I held so tightly
That now hold this stupid pen I use to write to you
When will we grasp the courage to speak?

Never will I feel safe to spill onto you
The pool of blood and tears my heart and eyes contain
Why am I still hung up on the very thing that first tied the noose?

His lips will taste different than any lips I've ever consumed
They always do
The most savory treat that I've had the pleasure of eating
Devouring.
Grabbing hold of, grasping firmly, and just scarfing down what is ultimately delicious
What is entirely mine
A snack that few have inhaled
That few have feasted upon
The perimeter that encompasses the area to which he makes me feel such bliss
Causing me to fall limp on my knees
Begging for more
Craving.
Pleading.
That I desire becomes every thing I've ever deserved
All I've ever wanted
Paralyzed by lust, he places his lips in bearings I have only dreamed of
Hallucinations struck into me by love itself
Debilitating.
Numbing.
Leaving me raw and defenseless
An unconcealed breast shimmering in the light cast from the sunset
Peaking through the drapes
The feeling of fragility keeping me taut
Strong.
Beautiful.
As he takes over my body
I lose my sense of self
Only to have it come back to me another day
Greater.
Grander.
More ***** than pure
When he places his hands on me I feel more alive than I have in years
And suddenly, there is no such thing as insecure
I am lovely
Gorgeous.
Better than any of the rest
No one else he skims will feel softer on his fingertips.

outside the hospital, I sit lonely in my car
wondering if any of the words you said meant anything
or if they were just knives and scalpels for you to use to cut me open and see further into my damaged body?
was any of it ever real?
or were you so obsessed with blood,
it didn't matter how bad the wounds were?

I hear the rain hit the street
I hear my fear cutting deep
Broken, slightly
My heart will forever have this hole
Gaping of insecurities

He looks into my eyes
Broken emerald, slightly yellow
His look shatters my soul
Dark are his eyes
His glare is bold

He grabs my hand
Bitten nail beds, slightly sweaty palms
I feel myself tremble
The self hatred I embody thickens
The sweat on my hands glistens

I want so much love
I need affection
Broken hearts are my specialty, slightly offended
He touches my hair
I tremble

I hear the rain falling on the patio
I feel my heart beating in an uneven ratio
Beats skip slightly when he says my name
Across the passenger's seat
I see him fix his hair
Take a drag from a cigarette

I want to be the cigarette
Burning more than slightly in his fingers
I want to be the one on his lips
He pulls me in
Breathes me in
Exhales

The rain hits the patio
The insecurities swallow me whole
Take me in deeper
Deeper than he
Further inside me than he'll ever be

I always see people post things on social media with their significant others, and they're so in love. I want to be in love. I want to be so deeply obsessed and coexist with someone. I want someone to tell me the little things they love about me, and I want to be compared to the light that softly shines through the blinds in the morning. I want to be told that everything about me is magnificent. I want to wake up everyday next to a human that values me as much as I value them. I want to hold someone's hand and fall asleep watching cartoons with them. I want to be loved. I want to be wanted, and I want it to be real. I don't want a cookie cutter, false relationship. I want to be woken up at 3 in the morning because they want to tell me about a dream they had. I want to go out and buy groceries with someone at 9 am in our pajamas before we really start our day. I want someone who will offer me a drag of their cigarette and someone who will never hesitate to make sure I'm comfortable with everything before they take action. I want to be in love. I want it to be real.