A human is composed of four things total
Body
Brain
Soul
Heart
These things are incredible
Because they get trampled everyday
Each day your body fights off disease
Or tries to at least
Each day your brain has to decide which
Of the "lessons" thrown your way to absorb
Your soul, everyday, handles hardships and mistreatment
Then shows altruism
But your heart
Oh **** your heart
Each and every single day
Must remember how to love
Must experience some cracking and sometimes full on shatters
Then it must heal so that you might be able
To use the rest of what you're made of
And eventually your heart again
We are all tossed together
Thrown in the oven
Baked
Then in the world we are all
Tossed around by different circumstances
Tossed together by fate
And tossed about for strength

Here's to showing off about football
Here's to thinking cautiously
Here's to candy
Here's to barely knowing the person who sits two seats away
Here's to a sweet tooth that tests limits
Here's to kitties and puppies
Here's to slowing rejecting the seating chart
Here's to a new chart that brings two seats together
Here's to a mutual friend
Here's to black and blonde hair
Here's to math class
Here's to learning
Here's to growing
Here's to October for reducing two seats away to one
Here's to November for closing the gap
Here's to weird animals
Here's to a new group
Here's to the boy who drops out
Here's to getting to receiving his GED
Here's to "I don't want to go homes"
Here's to choir as well
Here's to the weird science teacher who's room is claimed
Here's to awkward conversations that keep life flowing
Here's to boyfriends that lack approval
Here's to moving to a new room
Here's to arguments about Jess and Dean
Here's to Rory and Lorelai
Here's to that phone call at nine pm
Here's to "He wants to take a break"
Here's to "It's mutual" through heavy tears
Here's to friends ready to comfort
Here's to "He's trying to cheat on you"
Here's to "I just broke up with you, that's what happened"
Here's to feeling comfortable again
Here's to pause buttons for God of War
Here's to "He just broke up with me"
Here's to "He's just doesn't feel the same way anymore"
Here's to comfort and to "I hate him"
Here's to wanting to better oneself
Here's to falling short and crawling back
Here's to first fights
Here's to only lasting twenty minutes
Here's to "He blocked me"
Here's to "He's cheating on me"
Here's to not needing him
Here's to the past coming back to haunt you
Here's to being stabbed by someone once called friend
Here's to silence
Here's to "She's so pretty"
Here's to "I love you"
Here's to "No more pining after lame guys"
Here's to seeing that teacher at Goodwill
Here's to days of brokenness
Here's to hope
Here's to the future
Here's to sweet sixteens
Here's to first cars
Here's to reptiles in rainy weather attire
Here's to sassitude
Here's to sasstastic people
Here's to near deaths
Here's to survivals
Here's to first sleepovers
Here's to lunch at that cute Italian bistro nobody knows
Here's to Philly cheesesteaks
Here's to Thai tea
Here's to "When can we do this again"
Here's to nightmares about rejection
Here's to dreams about perspective
Here's to an undying friendship
Here's to an eternity of trust
Here's to many more days
Here's to you
And here's to me,
Cheers,
Your best friend

Inside me there is a beast clawing
Its bloodied talons are sharpened on my bones
Gently tearing through every fiber of sinew I have
Each direction I try to run I am met only with conflict
All the walls around me are thick with rebar jagged
The room I am trapped in is flooding
I cannot breathe
I cannot see
My chest is full of fire and the beast is thriving
Excited by the torment I inflict on myself
Two lives, two dreams, unattainable
Unsustainable
The war drum pounds around my heart
I dig deeper, the dirt caked into my bleeding nails
Missiles fly overhead, deafening laughter
Never will I win in the looping soundtrack of what if

Oh dear
I haven't offended you,
Have I
Because that would be downright awful
Of me


Seeing as how I'm
Just warming up

Pressed lips
Gripped fists
Balled up cloth
Pooled on your shoulders

Red face
White knuckles
Clear tears
Across your chest

Silent whispers
Quiet secrets
Loud declarations
Promises in my ear

Seconds of hope
Minutes of desire
Hours of dreams
A forever long love uttered between us

Can a heart break when it's already shattered?
Is that why this pain is different

I crave the kind of love
They write books about
The kind that Hallmark movies are made of
The kind that feels everlasting
Permanent
Electric

I told you dear,
I sell scars, not cars
But I can see where the confusion
Comes from
After all
No one expects to love
A used scars saleswoman

the last time is the first time
but the first time is not the last time
i called again
for help
for strength
but received none
because my call
sounds like a single drop of water
hitting a swinging fan
that screams like
swinging axe blades
i am voiceless in a world of noiseness
so i must scream and holler
but still no one would hear a single thing
because if it was my idea
it becomes their own
and i am left behind

I wrote you a song in December
Maybe you'll see it someday

Come, take a walk with me
As I lead you down this road
Back to the place we all shall call home
Take a walk with me
As I show you the ropes
I'll teach you the bright side of the loneliest life

Hold my hand, O shattered soul
I can help you see the love
That seems to be obsolete
Hold my hand
And I will lead you through the dark
But I refuse to show my fractured heart

Look at me just once
Perhaps you will find
I'm just a reflection standing by your side
Look at me just once
There is no redemption
We are one in the same
With not a thing different

Take a walk with me
As I collapse to cry
I learned to live without love on my side
Take a walk with me
I promise I am fine
After all, we're here just to die

It was unbreakable with nothing to shatter it

Maybe it was just another lesson
I** was supposed to learn
Still how am I
Supposed to forget

Yet here I am trying to know who I'm talking to
Out in the open I cannot figure this out
Undeniablely I can't manage to forget

You swear up and down
Happiness is false
And hope is nonexistent
But I don't think you've yet realized
What is right across your face
They walked into the room
And we all felt a shift in your mood
They didn't even notice you
But a glance was enough for a pause in pretending
You act badass and moody
But this isn't some movie
Where you can hide in a corner
And fall in love and be fallen in love with
And even if that happens
I guarantee it won't bring you together
So straighten up
Go and talk to them because there's always a shot
Tell me though
I am taking this too far
Or was that a smile I saw?

Punk pop rocks
Spark excitement in my stomach
A roiling sizzle of dreams
Erupting like a rocky mountain volcano
Bubbling even in the season of dormant
My tongue and mind awakened

Water park waves rush up my strawberry legs
My too flabby stomach pudges out over my swimsuit
My big ole ***** are spilling out the sides
The chlorine is eating at my hair dye
And I of course forgot to wear waterproof makeup so my acne is all too visible
But surprisingly I don't care
For the first time in a long time these aren't the thoughts that consume me
Sure they come, but they go just as fast
Because I'm having a blast and I feel loved
I feel completely embraced by the sunshine
The rays seem to be radiating from my imperfect body
I feel at peace and in love
And I realize I am

Welcome to my humble abode
Where dreams are dreamed
And lies are told
Welcome into the deepest parts
Where secrets are kept
And scars are dark
There's no excuse
For the misconduct here
But you're the one who entered
If you don't think
Pain exists near
You're dumber than I thought
Because I've welcomed you
Into my mind
Get ready for a hellish ride
With plenty of ups
In some different areas
But lots of downs
With lots of thinking
Please respect the location
And pick up after yourself
I don't need another mess
To clean

But best of all
We grow

The depression has been hitting pretty hard lately
I thought I was getting better
I guess I was wrong
Every time I step on the scale I cry a little
Even though I know I'm a healthy weight for the first time ever
I just hate the stretch marks and non-buttoning jeans
I should be grateful I have a job
But it's one I've left before and the promotion made it worse
The house is always a mess and it gives me anxiety
I just have no motivation to do anything
And the cat litter for god's sake
Does that smell ever leave?

...did we become so hyper-focused
On hatred and negativity
.
.
.
Rather than loving everyone
And everything
So whole-heartedly?

I've gone off to find myself
I don't know how long I'll be gone
I need a little space
For my head feels like it's burning

When I return
I hope you will have found yourself
And we can talk of our adventures
That the world threw our way

I'm off to rediscover
A portion of my heart
That I forget how to share
And keep it for myself as well

But when I return
Please welcome me with open arms
Because for you I never
Closed my heart

In the front yard
Over toward the left
Beside the climbing tree
Under the branches of the magnolia
Is a garden of dahlias
And a pond of water lilies
Which is great for hiding a body
If the need ever arises

So what happens when Jill
Comes running down the hill
Crying to Mary and her lamb
About how Jack had laid a hand
On her now ever-present frown
Spinning her head round
Jill is bawling because she knows
For breaking Jack's crown she'd face death row?

Into the pond half the body goes
The other half helps to make the plants grow
The girls sit and talk over a cup of tea
When Jill ponders over the meaning of free
Certainly not the sirens blaring out front
This is when Mary stubs out her blunt
Wanted for suspected ****** with fear in her eyes
Poor Miss Jill would have rather died
She begged and she pleaded for some form of mercy
But she was tangled in a web of controversy
Little lamb taken into custody by law
Mary found face down in a bale of straw
Foaming at the mouth
***** plus pills equates to south
Hauled off to jail
And stomach pumped back from hell
The girls become shells of nothingness
Creating only emptiness

You can't take **** from every person
That tosses you about like
Some cheap *****
******* you over at every corner
You come across
Just hike up your skirts and grow a set
Of confidence in yourself
You have to stand up for yourself
And acknowledge your worth
Even if it ****** everyone else off
If they genuinely cared
They'd want you happy
You can't sit around waiting
Because life will pass you by
Like a bullet train on speed

I refuse to be the
Damsel in distress
When I can be the
De-stressed damsel

It's as though we are
Reducing
The potential of something
In the act of declaring a definitive
Name
Perhaps that is why there are
So many words;
Perhaps they all mean the same thing
But no one could agree
They all have their own infinities
Because even infinity
Has infinity
We say words and names so much
They become a mere mirror
Fragment
When we name things and people
Are we declaring ourselves to be
God?

It seems to me to be
A pointless exercise
And a waste of energy
Trying to pretend I'm you
And never be me
It's too much work
So I respectfully decline
Thank you however,
For the sardonic invite

I'm wishing a wish
That will never be granted
I'm living a life
That has no point to it
I'm loving a love
That is unreachable
I'm failing a fail
That is wrecking me
I'm reading a read
That allows me escape
I'm lying a lie
That has become an axiom
I'm scripting a manuscript
That will never be published
I'm wishing a wish
That will never be granted

The golden rays of sun flood through the forest blanket
Beating down gently upon the garden rooted deep beneath the floor
I lie there amongst the flora and the fauna
Questioning my entire reason for existence
Inching up my legs are ivy vines and caterpillars
Who am I?

Overhead birds swoop 'round violently
Accusing caws as they race toward one another
Their feathers fall silent when the rain tumbles from my face
Drowning out the cacophony of fables from my youth
Searching for meaning in thatch roofed houses
Smoke it out

As the cats chase down their prey the bushes shudder and recoil
Painting the earth in green leaves, white petals, red puddles
Careful as they are, they can't avoid the thorns
Softening I melt into the growing brush
Folding like a deck of time-worn cards
To the other side of what?

.

"Life is like a brick wall.
Whenever something good happens
You add a brick.
But when something bad happens,
The wall breaks apart.
The point of life is that we keep
Building and repairing that wall.
Once we reach the end of our life,
The wall will be be so strong that
We can rest in peace for
Eternity"

-*Evan Kruck

Words should be kind
Hearts should be full
Minds should be open
Love should be free
Worth should be equal to everyone
Worth should be seen at its maximum extent
Worth should not be less
For any one person
Hate should be eradicated
Pain should be non existent
War should be forbidden
Worth should be more
Not less
Yet it seems the world
Refuses to acknowledge
What must simply be an axiom
Because the universe, it appears,
Thinks negativity is the only way we grow
Help make humans worth more
Not worth less

If I told you to grow up
If I told you to love better
If I told you to not hold back
If I told you to just
let
go

Maybe you wouldn't
But I'd deserve it

Strangers are just new chapters
You've haven't chosen to write yet
They could become friends
Or family
Or loves
They could be filled with promise
And hope
And happiness
They are adventures with souls
And heartwarming--
Sometimes heartbreaking--
Stories and lives
So why not risk it
There's no reason
To be afraid

Why are you so hateful
Of something you are to them
I don't care that they are different
Why do you?
One person is just that
A person
You cannot judge them
And persecute them
For an entire stereotype
Not everyone epitomizes
What the world has shaped them
To be thought of

Why don't you dig that ***** a little deeper
Drive it into my heart
Pierce me straight on through
But darling it don't hurt like it used to
I'm a big girl
That is so extremely fake
Barbie might be jealous
You are the cause for that but
Like I said
It don't hurt like it used to
Then again,
I don't love like I used to either

I have given you everything
All my time
My thoughts
My words
My heart
And you aren't even there
I'm ready to ******* shoot up
Some ****** tennis court
Not that I ever would
Godfuckingdammit
It is unacceptable for you to do this to me
Because despite what I've
Showcased in the past
I am far different than I once was
When you first met me
You have to understand
I will not be spending
Three ******* months chasing
Your cheating loser ***
Because as much as I have
And still do
Love you
I will not be that girl again
So darling,
It's time to ******* man up
Because you're really ******* me off

Remember
But your bicep says
Forget
Your clavicle says
Love
But *hate says your
Chest
Your left bicep reads
Happy
But your forearm needs the reminder
Stop
Your thighs are gardens of beautiful
Butterflies
Your back says you're in need of
Grace
But on the inside where only you can see
Your heart says
*Help

And its abuse encourages me
To continue running