Not allowed to have feelings whatsoever
She traps her pain behind stormy
Rainy weather
She lies awake at night
With tears in her eyes
Its not the dreams its reality that keeps her awake
The fear of waking up
In a world that's all too ****** up
This is the life
Of a forbidden child
Trapped inside a mind cage
Her thoughts feeling her with rage
She cant sleep
In these selfmade walls she has no release
So she sits and cries in the dark
A million worlds
A million worlds apart
The life of a forbidden child living but dying
All the while
Will someone save her
I think not
They'll let her die
They'll let her rot
Save her
Shes falling
Tear stained face
Shes such a disgrace
At least thats what mom says
SHes the mistake
She wasnt supposed to be here
I didnt use protection
She wont get my affection
The forbidden child dies
Her heart burst from lies
The demons drain from her head
The poor girl is dead.
But she's still breathing........

They say to stop and smell the roses
But theyre poison
They say to go
But they dont know where they're going
With these lies they fade into the darkness
But with the love they rise up to the surface
These black roses theyve got secrets to tell
Secrets theyll carry with them to hell
Tales of the lost souls trapped inside of black holes

ne more fight in this ******* house.
i swear to Satan i'm going to blow
my ******* brains out.
im tired of your pathetic pity and selfishness of lies
you spread them like a disease.
beg me to hit you
i dare you please.
you kick
i punch
enough is not enough.
slap me
kick me
beat me where its gonna hurt.
wring me out
choke me
give me what i deserve
oh mother, tear me apart im begging you, please!
give me the hard love
give me what i need!
ignore my cries
silence my screams.
give me the pain that
sends me to my knees.
**** me off
wont you hit me again?
im not tired.
i love the way you hate me.
i want to feel the hate
the anger
the aggression.
why apologize
when im gonna **** up again?
oh loathe me
i continue to show my face.
ill stop since im such a disgrace.
same time tomorrow?

It's 2:02
And once again I have
No idea what to do
The ground has once again
Started to shake
And the vision of my
Blood stained eyes
Are the first thing
That signals the start of
My demise.
The hallucinations
Are clouding
I feel the perspiration.
I feel my chest cave
And my wings tear
As I get dizzy
The air gets warm and I see everything blackout..

ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
a wish for an exit,
a hope to forget this.
i tell myself i'm okay,
i say there's another way,
but deep down i know,

my wings are clipped,
my wings are clipped,
some angels don't make their way back home.
my wings are clipped,
my wings are clipped,
there's always something
going wrong.

my conscience is dull,
my lungs are full,
and i'm breathing in the death,
the death of you.
i tried to save you
but i couldn't.

my wings are clipped,
my wings are clipped.
some angels don't make their way back home.
my wings are clipped,
my wings are clipped,
there's always something
going wrong.

you said I was a fallen angel
but I realized the only reason that I fell
was because you clipped my wings.
Suffocating in the sadness
that kept me high,
I long eternally to die.
Seal my fate
and cross my heart
and hope to die
promise me when i die,
that you won't cry.
Swear on your grave you
won't miss me when I'm gone.
I spoke in silence but you didn't hear the screams
Your always in my dreams I can't get you out of my head
But now that you're gone
I can once again sleep like the dead.

I found myself rocking on the floor again today
But I don't know how I got down there or how I felt so calm.
As you screamed at me trapped in the bathroom
I felt a smile slowly creep on my face
As I imagined myself taking my razor out of my pocket and using it to slice your face open.
It looked so beautiful covered in blood
With your jaw hanging open
And hearing you scream at me to stop.
I did like you for a while
When you cried it made me feel better because now you can know how it feels to constantly be in agony
Writhing and clenching your stomach
Coughing blood
Every.
Single.
NIGHT!!!!!
And as your voice got louder and louder
I began to laugh
Because your anger was so intriguing.
When you threaten to **** me
It gets me so high
I feel like a kid on Christmas day.
Im not suicidal but if you put the gun to my head I'll do whatever I can to get
You to pull the trigger
If you held a knife to my throat
I'd step just a little closer to feel the
Stony ice blade against my already freezing skin.
I'm psychotic mommy I can feel it deep inside.
I can feel it in the clouds
And see the tent in the sky....
The tent....
It makes me think of him
Andi stop laughing for the tender spot that hinders...
The roses start to wither
And the air gets thicker...
I breathe in blood and I noticed I've sliced my throat
But I feel fine
I feel bliss.
If I were a god just for a day
If I had the power to just pick off people one by one
Or take them by the plenty...
Whisk them off of this filthy
Filthy ******* ******* you**
Call a ******* earth.
I'm so pathetic.
So pathetic!!!!!!
IM A HORRIBLE ******* *****!!!
Mommy????
Mommy?? Why do you lock my bedroom door at night when I'm sleeping?
I said I was sorry
And I never wanted to hurt you again.
You said Daddy died but why is he standing above you??
Mommy please don't go.
I'll try to be a better child.
Why do you hate me??
YOU STUPIDFUCKING *****!!
ANSWER ME!!!!
I love you..

it's like there's cancer
in my bones.
and in my wounds.
i can't take another step
tell me what's left.
i can't take
another breath.
i built a bridge
just to jump it.
i built an ocean
just to drown in it.
i built a soul
just to burn it.
i asked for death,
but somehow im still here..
let me go,
let me go
im begging you not to hold on.
im selfish with my words
so foolish i am

I have a lot of nightmares,
Sometimes I dream of you dying in my arms
Sometimes I dream
That I'll never get to see
The end of the war.
I plug in my headphones
And try to listen to a different tune.
But somewhere along the way
I end up playing the same old blues.

The world i used to know is fading with you in it.
I never knew life until you arrived
Please don't leave don't say goodbye.
Don't slip away
Just until next time.
Please come back
So I can't push you away
Stay with me
Don't go away.
Please
Please
Chris

You treat me like I'm not your daughter
It's enough that I don't know my father
But for you you to treat me like I don't exist
Makes me feel like I'm worthless
It seems as though
I've lost control
Of everything I'm supposed to be
You're not making my life easy
Oh mother why do I even try
To be the perfect daughter
You never wanted me to be me
It's not easy
You curse me
And joke about my scars
You tell me my life shouldn't be that hard
But tell that to the scars
I wear this smile
Glued to my face
Because my feelings are a disgrace
But inside I'm crying
I feel like I'm dying
I'm laughing
But nothing's funny
To cover up the tears
I fill myself with lies
I tell myself I'm beautiful
But I'm actually pitiful
No self worth
You're not the one to blame
You just make me go insane

italic*
i keep saying im fine
that nothing is going on.
i keep saying forget it
nothing's wrong
but no matter how many times i tell myself thaat im fine,
i cant force myself to believe it.
im an emotional wreck
and nothing in the world
can fix me.
an adopted child
an oldest sister
a daughter
a girlfriend
a monster
what the hell is wrong with me
people keep saying that itll be okay
but its not!
and it never has been..
but hey ill play pretend with you
if you promise not to make me tell
a secret.
ill wear the fake smile
that you gave me
and i wont open my heart to you.
ill just be wasted space.
dont mind the blood
dont mind the tears.
theyre a figment of your imagination.
believe in me
when im gone.
i was the one walkimg down the hallway
living in sleeves.
not talking
unless spoken to.
emotionless.
breathless.
but i wont say a word
ill play pretend
but you gotta play fair.
you wont miss me when im gone.
so dont worry
keep a smile
dont cry.
you are my best friend
but im sure you can find another
im no one special
trust me.
its ok.
dont cry
dont shed a tear.
ill be gone
but i wont dissappear
this isnt goodbye
its just until next time....
until next time

You saw the scars on my arm and you didn't think twice
I turned you around and tears streaming from your eyes
You said you loved me no matter what
You said you'd stay
No ifs and or buts
You said stop cutting my dear
Because you're always here
Wounds heal
And scars fade
But the ones inside my head just won't go away
I need your love and I need your protection
To save me from myself
This hate and aggression
You say I do it for attention
But I do it cause you won't listen
Won't you settle down
And let me get my problems out
Because wounds heal
And scars fade away
But the ones inside my head
Just wont go away
I need your help
And I need you to stay

My head is in overdrive
I feel I'm doomed
But I'll forever tell
You that I'm fine.
If I tell you the truth
I know I'll be doomed.
I'll tell you to let it go.
Don't hold on
Let the poison sink in,
Let my words disappear.
I'm a figment
Of your vile imagination.
A sworn into your darkest temptation.
I'm poison
I beg you not to drink.
Because there is no antidote
And you will slowly sink.
I'm better off alone.
The ground is my home.
And I'm ready to open the door.
This is the moment
The moment I've been waiting for.
I feel I'm doomed.
I feel I'm doomed.
I know that I'm doomed

Don't say goodbye
You haven't said hello,
Don't let me go
I'm begging you to hold me close,
Cause if you let me go,
I'm afraid I might shatter.
My blood will spill
And my skin will crack
I won't have the power,
The power to fight back.
I won't know when I'm gone
All I'll remember is that you
Didn't hold on.

It's a lot harder to put the knife down Than it is to pick it up.
It's a lot easier for me to ruin things
Than it is to not **** it up.
I put one foot in front of the other
And then I run.
Before my wings get ready to take flight.
The years have passed
But I know I won't take that path.
The winds pick up
And my lungs expand
But I'm running
I'm running
I'm going nowhere fast.
Arms grip my waist
I'm being carried away.
I'm being thrown into my grave
I feel the need to escape
But it's so comfortably dynamic...
The death
And decay
I can grasp it.....

I'm drowning in a pit
Of heartbreak and despair.
I can't tell you why
For fear that you'd care.
I'm like an avalanche
I can feel myself go down
In falling into the flames
And I'm the only one to blame
Forgive me for caring
Forgive me for my sins.
Forgive me for the fact that I don't blend in.
I'm sorry.
I'm like an avalanche I can feel ~~
Oh, no..

I'm drowning in my own skin
My own temple of diffidence and lament.
When I breathe,
I breathe in death.
The pungent odor
Of blood and disgrace.
I wear a sign made for fools,
A simple imp of duplicity,
As I cough up blood from
Coughing out blood,
For its the only thing I'm dammed to taste.

It's a lot harder to put the knife down Than it is to pick it up.
It's a lot easier for me to ruin things
Than it is to not **** it up.
I put one foot in front of the other
And then I run.
Before my wings get ready to take flight.
The years have passed
But I know I won't take that path.
The winds pick up
And my lungs expand
But I'm running
I'm running
I'm going nowhere fast.
Arms grip my waist
I'm being carried away.
I'm being thrown into my grave
I feel the need to escape
But it's so comfortably dynamic...
The death
And decay
I can grasp it.....

With ****** hands
And tear stained eyes
I'll try my best to live this life.
A final battle cry
A sharp stab with a knife
I have lost the battle
But not the fight

they say forever is a long, long time
I believe it's until someones dying time.
cuz when the time comes for them to go away,
they refuse because they're here to stay.
They say forever is a long, long time
I believe it's until someones dying time
because when you look around and you see that they are gone,
It's when you realize that in your heart is where they once belonged

Love is affectionate
Love is kind
Love is what helps you keep your piece of mind
Its what helps calm you down
Even if the person that you love is not around
Even the thought of them lights up your day
Because their perfect in every way
But sometimes the person that you love is yourself

you picked at the scars.
you opened the wounds.
to all the pain,
that i have been through.
you see what you want to see.
but you don't see the real me.
you don't see the demons dying inside of me.
im hiding my pain
but there's no one to blame.
refusing all help,
pretending all is well.
but inside i'm screaming
my heart is bleeding.
my body is a shell.
my soul is in hell.
but i'll keep biting my tongue
until my time is done.
i always wnted to be the opne you wanted.
always wanted to be the one you needed.
but it seems as though
i've lost control
of everything that i have put on hold.
there's many times i've cried in the dark.
because my world was falling apart.
many restless nights,
times in sleep that i would fight.
you say to stop crying
but there's no point in trying.
with every smile that i fake.
it's another stab that i take.
i laugh
but nothing is funny.
like a river
my tears are flowing.
im saying that im getting better
but it's all a lie.
with all the advice i feel closer to dying.
i feel so insecure.
lost without a train of thought.
lost inside my own mind.
in these ropes of depression im bind.
i dont want you to be scared.
i already am.
possession takes over me.
with no escape.
all hope is going down the drain.
i cut
and i bleed
with no expression.
its not the depression.
it's me.
im gone.
im fading away.
where am i going?
i cannot say.
but inside this shell,
im fading away.
im running.
im running
with no control
of where im going.
save me.
save me!
save me from myself!
i want you to save me
but i dont want your help.
this shell won't hold tight for long.
it won't be too long before
im gone.
one day im gonna hit the right vein.
and there will be no one to save.
ill be gone
in a heartbeat.
listen to my heart but it wont beat.
im dead.
im dead!
did you hear me?
of course you didn't.
the sound of my cries are completely forbidden.
im crying. im crying loud!
but you dont hear a sound.
im not afraid of dying.
im afraid of living.
what ami?
who am i?
where am i?
im not Paris.
i'm an alias.
Jane Doe. who am i?
the world will never know.
slicing my wrist.
river of blood swish.
tick. tock.
tick.
the world is crashing.
the walls are closing.
something's taking over me.
i can't fight it.
but im not trying.
save me....
SAVE ME!
LET. ME. DIE.!

I'm sorry if all the remedies I use
Are the same remedies
That can ****,
I'm sorry you hear me scream at night
I thought the nightmares were real.
I'm sorry that I care so much,
I'm sorry I can't save enough.
I'm sorry I'm the worst angel,
I'm sorry
I really am

The people are cruel
The people are monsters
Terrible people
Some are more far then the others
They cheat
They lie
They steal
They hunt
They hide
They ****
You think they've got your back
But you turn around
And they sneak attack
The people after cruel
The people are monsters
Terrible creatures some are more far than the others

I always get this feeling that there's cancer in my bones
I always get the feeling one day life will take it's toll.
Because apparently I'm not alive.
I am hardly breathing
Someone tell me what's the reason not to leave

I have fate
Not faith
I have wounds
Not scars
I'm drowning
Not breathing
Internally i'm screaming
I can't find the answer
Outside of a bottle
Or inside of a blade.
It's like there's fire in my skin
And I'm drowning from within
I can't take another step

Insecure
broken down
beaten until she hits the ground.
All alone
bruised and battered
wasn't like she really mattered
face stained with tears
she's tired of holding back her fears
All of her scars show
but her tears cannot be seen
none of her friends care
at least that's what it seems
we have so much in common
how could this be
it's because that small girl
is me